Thursday, March 12, 2009

Wayward Son Returns

All I have to say is, God Bless the people at Homewood Suites. Even though I have a pretty large room, with a little kitchen area and couch - this room is FULL of dogs. Kernel and I made it back from Michigan last night and he actually seems pretty happy in the hotel room. Just kinda hanging out with me (well, technically ON me, but still...) He actually seemed to kinda like the ride back -- well, maybe not like per se, perhaps more along the lines of didn't look miserable for the whole 8 hours.

(Yes, I know the pics are crappy, but I was DRIVING. It's unsafe, I did the best I could under those unsafe conditions!)

However, on the trip back we did make an amazing -- I'm sure scientific -- discovery!! (I wonder if there is cash involved here??)

Ok, so remember how I mentioned that I was going to rent a mini-van to get my boy back down to DC?? Well, I did...and I made it back here in RECORD time...I mean record. I'll just throw this out there; I was speeding. And not my natural speeding state of about 8-10 mph over the limit, I was doing at least 20 mph faster -- I know mother!! That would have been a really expensive ticket -- but I think it would have rounded out this week and March nicely, don't you think??

However, my discovery is that mini-vans are invisible to police officers.

How do I know this, you ask? WELL... no shit! there I was...driving 87 in a 65, coming up quickly behind this car who was going a measly 80 or so, and I see a cop off to the side of the road standing outside his car waiving at people. You know how they mock you with their ability to pull you over with only a hand gesture? I've always wondered what they would do if you pretended not to see them and just drove on...because they've already got a line of cars waiting to be harassed by Johnny-Law. It'd be a hard decision for them to make. On the one hand, you have guaranteed revenue for the State just sitting there (and I think Ohio might live off of their tickets), but you'd be seriously pissed that someone didn't respect the hand gesture. I'd be torn, frankly.
I digress. Anyway, he waives over the guy in front of me, and then when I think it is all over for me -- because by this point I've only been able to slow down to about 75 -- he turns and walks back to his car. This happened TWICE! Invisible I tell you.

Now I realize that my parents (and probably hubby who is an old man trapped inside a young guy's body) will totally lecture me about why I didn't slow down after the first time and that it is the LAW....but, COME ON! It was Ohio. Besides, you know I never listen to what you guys say? Why must you continually put us through this?

OH! And GET THIS! On the flight up to Michigan we were delayed on the runway for like an hour...and this lady in front of me - whom I named Attitudey Judy - was typing away on her Blackberry and she was holding it so I could TOTALLY see what she was writing. Normally, people's "what are you doing? Nothing...what are you doing" BS would bore me within minutes and you would have your privacy back. But Attitudey Judy was clearly having an affair with two different people. She was typing all kinds of crap I won't go into because it was clear that she was a smelly pirate ho! However, I must give her snaps because she came up with a brilliant system on her messages, she told BOTH of them that to keep it on the down low, she'll just call him "Pat" on her messages.

I gotta give it to her, she's one BRILLIANT Whore-a Ingalls. Now she doesn't even have to TRY to keep them from getting confused. She just renamed them the same. Anyway, my in-flight entertainment was curtailed when she noticed me reading her texts, and then got all put out about it. Like its my fault she is Slutty McHo's-around-alot and can't hold her blackberry away from the view of the row behind her. I think she was doubly pissed because the guy beside me was also reading it.

Doesn't she know by now that scandal is good reading?!


Anonymous said...

your doggie looks so happy :)
and yeah ok i won't be driving a minivan anytime soon

Gaston Studio said...

Maybe those policemen have been reading your blog and felt, with all that you've been thru in the past couple of weeks, that you deserved a little break?!

Love the blackberry lady and her self appointed Pat names! Like you and the guy behind her, I would have been reading right along with you...What the hey, turn it away!

Beth said...

I've never driven a minivan but you almost make me want to now. Almost.

Glad Kernel is happy until he gets to his new home. I know he must've missed you!

And really, who listens to men?

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I wish your theory were correct. I've been stopped twice this year for (get this) rolling through a stop sign. In a huge minivan. Alas!