Sweet Home Virginia

Well, we made it back (sans Kernel) and I didn't even bawl like a big baby (very much) when we left. Kernel frankly made it easier because he was too into playing with the kids that he couldn't be bothered to even notice that we were leaving. UNGRATEFUL!

However, I do have some complaints to lodge against Pennsylvania and Ohio -- and will likely get into big trouble because my in-laws are from Ohio....so let me caveat the below by stating, NOT the part of Ohio that they are from...the other whole part of Ohio.

First of all, DAMN YOU OHIO TURNPIKE!!! Although it appears that they are more advanced in paving than their Pennsylvania turnpike brethren - their toll booths are NOT automated!!! Forcing me to slow down - NAY! Forcing me to stop and get a paper ticket that A PERSON HANDS YOU -- that I then have to keep track of said ticket for the next 80 miles and countless rest area breaks. This is unsat! It needlessly forces me to talk to the people in that toll booth -- who are clearly lonely and happy to see anyone stop at their booth. It's like some sort of Great Depression era works program.

We have Smart Toll now people!!!! I was sooo pissed that I squandered my exact change on m&ms and then had to chit chat while I waited for change!!!! Once again, our piggery brought me down....

Plus, the whole state kinda smelled like sour milk. I think Ohio may have passed its sell-by date.

Moving on: DAMN YOU PENNSYLVANIA TURNPIKE!!! I've already gone into their lack of paving ability - it was like a big ole mess, I honestly think my nephew Josh could do a better job -- they also post signs indicating that you need to turn off all radios and cell phones because you are entering the "blasting area." WTF!?!? Blasting area?? That could be triggered by a cell phone?? Are they clearing the land with IED's??? Did they hire the Iraqi insurgents to do their work?

I'm just saying, Ohio would probably take the job...

Liz and I were terrified because I just knew my mother was going to call us and kill us all!! We were too scared to turn off our phone because what if the car broke down?? That place looks like where those people live that hunt other people so they can make jerky out you and tan your skin for their boots they're making. I'm not getting outta that damn car!!!

AND, to compound this, the lanes are clearly not wide enough for cars to be driving in both of them at the same time!! There's like a huge cement wall on one side and a sheer drop off on the other, where coincidentally, you could hear the faint sounds of the banjo playing in the background. (That there is boot making music.)

However, I should probably also thank Ohio and Pennsylvania for keeping me so annoyed (which, admittedly is not difficult) that I did not have time to dwell on my having left Kernel.

I should, but I won't. Tis not my way.