Wednesday, March 25, 2009


It's a hardship post!!!!

(Warning: Spell Check does not work here!!! Or, I can't find the damn button -- could go either way....see number 4 for more information.....)

DAMNITT! you guys have NO IDEA the pain and suffering that I am currently suffering (was that proper grammar?? I am so distraught, I can't even tell!) Remember how great Sudan was yesterday?? Well, I found the catch (and there's always a catch...)

(1) Coke Light DOES NOT EQUAL Diet Coke (where is that little = sign with the line through it??) because WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? It's worse than Tab....remember back in the day when diet soda still had some calories, but they added like dandilions to it instead of sugar? And it tasted like dirt? Remember that?? Sudan apparently still utilizes the dandilion making diet soda technology...It's an abomination!

(2) There Was No Iron in My Welcome Kit!!! Naturally, I turned to a life of crime and jacked one from another residence, but still.....I'm opening myself up for further God Smoting....

(3) Sudan has Lassa Fever... Why was I not told of this illness that starts with a headache and then a fever.... and then 6 days later your internal organs melt?!? I demand a recount! WTF! (Do I have a headache?? Is my head hot??) Plus, where the hell does that come from?? I suspect the Nile...but I can't prove it. (Did you ever notice that crap always seems to come from nature and/or standing water?? I KNEW IT!)

(4) When I Log onto the Internet, the Options Are All in ARABIC. I can't read that decorative fancy Arabic!! Who am I kidding? I can't read non-fancy Arabic!...Well, technically I can sound it out - but it's a damn guessing game trying to figure out which text to push to create a new post! I think I might have flagged my blog like 7 times already for offensive conduct (frankly, I'm probably not the only one to have done that....)

and finally,

(5) A Small Box of Oreos Costs 22 Sudanese Pounds.....divide by 2.25 to convert to US! carry the 7..... A number that can never be known!! (God only knows what REAL food would cost! ) WHY didn't I pay attention in school!? Now we'll never know!!! Damnitt! MATH IS HARD! Now I'm forced to ration my oreo consumption! I've gone and moved to the Great Depression!!!

Clearly, I am going to have to expedite a visa for Little Debbie and start smuggling her into the country. It's the only way to salvage this.....


Anonymous said...

Almost 10 bucks for oreos? ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? for reals!? that sucks...that's a travesty!

kwr221 said...

Would it be cheaper for us to mail you Oreos?

kwr221 said...

..or you could switch to baklava.

Gaston Studio said...

LOL, I just knew you would be having too much fun over there!

Are you telling us this is an IBM country? Remember that: I= Inshallah (God willing), B=Bokkra (tomorrow, maybe) and M=Malesh (who gives a crap!)

No Coke Light. Lassa Fever. $10 Oreos. Internet options in Arabic. Yep, you're just having way too much fun.

Beth said...

This sounds like a reason to drink. Is it 5 o'clock there?

And do you need me to find some Oreo smugglers for you? And would you eat those Oreos after they'd been put in places where the sun doesn't shine?

Hope you are having fun!

Michel said...

Jane, you forgot al-hamdulalla'a (when they're actually surprised they did it too...or, "Memsa'ab! Of course! Why not?" meaning, "No. F you."

Beth: Not to worry, I am formulating a plan right now to create an elaborate smuggling network (I like to call it "Net Grocer" and should have this issue solved in no time!!!

Kristen: good option!

Mrs. K: NO! I wish I was kidding. I just looked at the plain spaghetti noodles, 18 pounds! So THIS is what happens when a country doesn't actually have their own food...Who knew?!

Gaston Studio said...

You're right, I completely forgot about al humdulalla (spelled it different because it's the Egyptian dialect)!
Actually, I think you're on to something with the Net Grocer idea. Think of all the money you can make from the expats there!