Friday, March 27, 2009

Day 5: NSTR

For those of you who are NOT married to someone who was previously in the military: NSTR = Nothing Significant to Report. I should start a daily acronym identification public service campaign for you all.... However, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not so big on follow through -- so the campaign will probably last like 1 enjoy today's because it's likely all you're going to get!!

ANYWAY, I got up this morning -- I can't seem to get turned around on the time zone yet, so I'm up every morning at the butt crack of dawn -- and then drove around ALL DAY today. I gotta tell ya, it was pretty fun. Naturally, I brought my own personal Pochohantas with me so that I didn't end up in Djbouti asking random passersby for directions. BUT, when I got back to my house later this afternoon, I decided to take a wee little nap and then just woke up - it's about 0100.

I'm totally F'd now. Crap.

Someone send me some Ambien -- DAN!? Why am I friends with your wife if you're not going to give me bootleg prescription drugs!? COME ON! And, I am totally disappointed to report that you cannot just walk in and purchase drugs here at the pharmacies (like you can in Pakistan and many other third world countries). And this makes me sad. Now how am I supposed to self-medicate for my imagined illnesses??

Anyway, some little known facts -- remind me to document via photos if/when I ever get my photography license (however, I haven't actually turned in my form yet and I think (but am not sure) that the requests are processed quicker if you actually submit the form...but that could just be urban legend around these parts. We'll never know for sure.

So, when you're walking along the "sidewalks" (not to be confused with what we call sidewalks) you have to actually look down at all times because there are random (and human sized - even my human sized, aka GINORMOUS) holes in the sidewalks that apparently lead to the center of the earth because you can't actually see the bottom!! I give myself approximately 7 days before I fall down the "well." There will be reporters swaming to Sudan to covering the debacle of the decade!! They headline will be "Bitch in the Well"- if you see that headline, you know it's me and you KNOW that's going to be ugly.

Also, they gots some really nice hotels here! Apparently, Matt Damon was here a few weeks ago (he didn't ask about me though, I KNOW! I was ask shocked as you are.....Jackass!) and they say that there is always some random Star with a cause here. OMG! What if Daniel Craig shows up?!! You KNOW there will be an international incident if that happens. You should probably prepare yourself now.

(Side Note: Josh, pls add Daniel Craig to my list...just in case!) I mean think about it! How cool would that be!? He might actually talk to me here! You have to be prepared!! I should think about maybe combing my hair....maybe later. I don't want to rush into anything.

And finally, you know those air fresheners that you plug into the wall and it "freshens" your house for like 3o days?? Well, they have them here too, but it doesn't contain Febreeze -- Nay, instead they freshen their houses with RAID! Seriously, they have bug killer fresheners here. Naturally, I totally bought one! As I am quickly finding out, every bit of the Nature here will either Kill you or cause lesions all over your face --so I'm all about the Raid! You'll all know it's working if I live....


Suzy said...

Everybody knows the meaning of FUBAR but me. And my dad was in the Army! Stay safe and cry like a girl if you need to and shoot like a man if you need to.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I love military acronyms. My fav is SNAFU, of course. I enjoyed reading your blog. I'll definitely be back. Funny stuff.

Anonymous said...

well if that blood disease doesn't get you death by poisining of raid will...are you kidding?

Comedy Goddess said...

Take too much Ambien and you might be falling in a well over there and that would be horrific!

Michel said...

Suzy: F'd up beyond all recognition. Like SNAFU, it's very satisfying! Unfortunately, although I totally cry like a girl, my shooting leave a LOT to be desired. People are safer if I am NOT armed...

SMB: thank you! I too love them. My fav is MOAB! I thought they were kidding when I found out what that meant!

Mrs. K. Thank God you and my mother are here to keep me safe from myself.

Comedy Goddess: At least I would sleep through the whole thing. Although, you raise a good point. Perhaps I should stick with my quest for Vicodin.

Gaston Studio said...

Matt Damon didn't look you up? Why that son of a b***h! Next time I see him, I'll tell him what a major mistake he made. He could lots of material from you for his next movie!

I'm with you on the Daniel Craig thing.