Friday, March 13, 2009

It's Just Funny Now...

I am homeless. I am car-less. And I am about to be dog-less.

I'm living in the Homestead Suites with two large dogs, eating nothing but candy and girl scout cookies (I will undoubtedly bring them back from the brink of losing their cookie empire) and wearing the same 2 pairs of sweats day in and day out. I can't remember the last time I actually combed my hair into anything but a ponytail or put on makeup. (Josh is a lucky man)

Am I a victim of the economic crisis? No. I am an old-fashioned Smoting victim. Yes, you heard me. God is smoting me. (Probably because of something I did and/or said -- probably on this blog -- I think God's from Ohio. )

My move to Sudan has been delayed until the 17th now because Sudan has apparently gone to hell (I thought they technically WERE hell) Perhaps I shouldn't have screamed, "What the hell else could go wrong?" the other night?? Hindsight! Who knew!?

Anyway, the Embassy has authorized the departure of all dependents and I am now awaiting for the Embassy to bless my arrival, which amazingly, is not a given. Apparently, I'm now supposed to be QUALIFIED for my position, and value added to the mission. WHAT!? SINCE WHEN!?

Do these people know who I think I am!?!?

Soooo, I have decided NOT to try to bring Jack in with me at this time. HOWEVER, I have not spiralled into another blubbering mess because the wonderful man who is adopting Kernel has agreed to also foster Jack until I come back in July for training - when, hopefully, I'll either have been booted out of the country permanently after causing some sort of international incident hideously embarrassing to the USG; OR, things will have settled down and I can just fly back in with him. Kernel's new daddy is a very nice man!!!

Obviously, God is trying to tell me something with all these setbacks and delays. He's probably getting all frustrated, "What the hell else must I do!? DO YOU NEED ME TO SEND THE DAMN LOCUSTS!?" (Probably. I've never really been a good listener.)

OH, and just as an aside. There was a decree at work the other day that NO SEMICOLONS CAN BE USED IN OFFICIAL MEMOS. Why? Because USG workers are all retarded and nobody knows how to use them. Nobody can; tell me that; I do not: know how to: use; proper punctuation;;:! -.

SEMICOLONS are my; favorite.


SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I am a semicolon fanatic, also; their banishment is an outrage.

Beth said...

What!?! No semicolons? In a memo? Good lord, maybe the locusts do need to come; thereby, teaching us to properly use semicolons. Yes?

And God might be from Ohio? Cool!

Gaston Studio said...

Poor baby. I'll have to tell you sometime about how I almost got deported from Bahrain for participating in a bit of fun.

Hey, at least you've got a stash of girl scout cookies and great homes for Kernel and Jack!

P.S. I thought Sudan was already in hell too!