Did I Call It, or What??

Last night I finally gave in and unpacked my bags - knowing that I had to go into the office and probably shouldn't show up in the same clothes I wore last week and/or my smelly sweats. So I unpacked, went shopping and bought some microwavable (non-girl scout cookie) food - even some half-&-half for my morning coffee.

I was making this hotel a home. I was considering going to Home Depot to pick out some wall color (I'm sure that they would've been so thankful, they'd give me a discounted rate on my stay!) So I awoke this am, put on clean clothes, did my hair, put on makeup and went to work.

And how was I rewarded??

I was told that I am leaving for Sudan tomorrow. TOMORROW!!!

Now my newest (and frankly toughest) challenge faces me: HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO GET ALL THAT CRAP BACK INTO THAT SUITCASE!?!?!

How the hell did I get it all in there? WHY, for the love of all that is holy, WHY won't it go back in there???

Forced to review and rethink everything I might need - I'm frantically shoving crap into my bags while watching American Justice on A&E -- and DAMN, people are ghetto!! Am I being too judgey here? Wouldn't you put on makeup, iron your clothes, and comb your hair before doing an interview for a TV show??? I'm going to go out on a limb - even before the end of the show and state: The parents did it. (They totally look like they did it. Creepy mustache, bad hair. Clearly, bad....see my past experience with jury duty for reference; I can totally tell guilt just by lookin' at 'em.)

Also, watching these shows has only cemented my resolve to always clean the house before I go to bed, or leave it for any reason -- on the off chance that someone will die and/or break in. I would be utterly humiliated if my house were a pigsty for all the world to see when they do a show re-enacting the crime. This goes hand in hand with my resolve never to wander around the house or sleep naked, because I believe that will increase my chances of dying -- as all dead people seem to be found naked -- and I refuse to be found naked. Crime scene photos are brutal.

Everyone knows the camera adds 10 pounds (and, as it turns out, girl scout cookies add another 14.)