Today Liz and I had a beauty day. I realize I probably jinxed myself yet again, -- preparing to leave -- but I couldn't leave the continental US with un-pedicured toes and 1980s brows (you see, there should be two).
So, since today is allegedly my newest last day here - we spent the day beautifying ourselves and mocking our husbands (as naturally we would). Every time we plan these days (and they are regular occurrences) they both question the need and consider it a big ole waste of time, effort and money. What they clearly do not understand is that there is nothing naturally cute about us. I can assure you, that I would be single, sitting at home on the couch, watching TV if I let nature take its course....
Wait! I AM sitting in a hotel, all alone, watching TV....CRAP! Damnitt!!
However, do you all remember that Seinfeld episode where Elaine takes George's dad with her because she thinks the nail salon ladies are talking about her?? WELL...I swear they are!!! In fact, Liz and I alternate salons because I am SURE they are talking about my hideous feet. Where is my proof??? After they start chattering to each other, they always pause for a moment when they look at Liz - wondering if she might understand - and then ask her where she is from...HA! Bitches! I KNEW IT! Just as I suspected!!!!
Today though, we were laughing at the hideousness that is our feet -- wondering why Dan can't give us the medical reason that we get yucky feet (I now question his medical abilities...I have yet to get a satisfactory answer why there is no fast acting fat pill) -- and the lady who was scrubbing my foot literally stopped what she was doing and mopped her brow. She literally was exhausted. How humiliating is that??
Now I totally have to leave the country tomorrow. I can't show my face (or feet) here anymore. Maybe the Sudanese will be more understanding....
Get thee to an independent bookstore.
1 day ago