Broken Hearted

I don't think I have ever been this sad.

I am going to have to give my precious baby Kernel to Brandy and her Husband, Jesse. I was all happy when she told me that they would take him on the off chance that he couldn't get on the flight to Sudan with me (because he, and his crate are too big). However, Josh pointed out that I needed to think long and hard about what was best for Kernel. And he is right.

I have been selfish because I love him so much that I couldn't ever even think of the possibility of not taking him with us. Now, after Josh pointed out: What would happen if we did get him there, but for some reason couldn't get him out? What would happen if Kernel were to get sick (and he has never been a particularly robust boy - he's inbred for heaven's sake)? What would happen if the security situation deteriorates and we have to get out of there quickly?

All good points, none of which I have a decent answer. I feel like I've got Sophie's Choice ahead of me!!! So I prayed about it - and asked that someone else make the decision for me because I'm not capable of it.

• I received an email from my friends who are already out in Sudan. Paul said to leave him in the US. That I would regret it if I brought him and something happened;



• Josh called to tell me that he thought it would be better for Kernel to stay in the US;



• The dogwalkers both said that giving him to Brandy's family was the best thing to do;



• My mom told me that I need to think about Kernel and not me.

They are all right. So this morning, I cried all over Tina instead of exercising....I cried for an hour on the phone with Josh....I cried when I told Minoy....I cried when I talked to Liz....and I cried when Brandy called to tell me they would take him.

I will probably cry for the 8 hour drive all the way to Michigan (and back).