When Will I Learn??!?

Now I know you all are probably well aware by now that I am not really into learning things. And normally, I would never suggest such a thing or try to impose that horror onto another. However, how many times must I be betrayed before I learn my lesson!?

WHY? For the love of all that is holy and good in this world WHY!?!?! It's a lesson I have been taught time and time again, and yet, I fall for it every. single. time.

Foreign Cake is NOT cake!

I first encountered this phenomenon (how the hell do you spell that? I have no spell check here - it checks Arabic spelling and is not so helpful to me - in case you guys haven't noticed yet - and yes, I AM un-literate.) when I arrived in Peshawar, Pakistan for my very first overseas posting. Waaaay back in 1999. (And trust me when I say this, it is very difficult to party like it is 1999 in Peshawar! Pakistani Population: 2 million;
American population: 8,
cute single boy population: 0

(I'm not a ho! This was before Josh! I was single, approaching 30 and already had a kitty. Things were NOT looking good for me!!)

I remember it as if it were only yesterday. I arrived at the Khyber Club for a birthday celebration for someone whose name I now forget (because it wasn't me) and there it was, this large sheetcake with what appeared to be fluffy frosting all over it. I was immediately enchanted (I have no idea what kind it was - I did not discriminate against cake products at that time.) So then they cut the cake and passed it around.... The cake to person ratio was WAAAY in my favor. I was stoked!

It tasted like white bread with crisco on top.

Undaunted, I tried another bite because it was CAKE man...cake can't be bad! UNPOSSIBLE!

It tasted like feet.

From then on I realized that I should be wary of foreign cake products. That not all cakes were created equal. However, because I am such a kind and giving person - I tried to give all cakes a chance. To welcome them into my household. Only to be brutally abused with each different foreign posting. For the record, I have not tried Canada or the UK's cakes - I am, however, very suspicious.

(I am also suspicous of foreigners who try to claim that their cake is delicious - such as the french. I fell for that once before. I believe that french pastry is exposed to sugar during the baking process at some point - but it is never actually put into the desserts. DO NOT TRUST THEM!)

So anyway, last night was the South African National Day Event. Naturally, I attended. This time, however, I was not insulted by everyone in the room! (Thank Allah!) The South Africans may not love Americans, but they also do not openly insult us -- and for this, I give them snaps.

HOWEVER, following a speech from the Ambassador that lasted approximately 48 mintes and I believe included such comments as "and then when I was in the THIRD grade...." I started to pay attention again when I noticed them wheeling out a cake for the ceremonial cutting of the cake! For a minute there I thought that Angels had begun to sing, but then I realized that it was just the background music starting (great timing though).

My hopes were up....these guys didn't hate America (openly)...these guys spoke English and were polite to me. So it was natural for me to believe that they would have good cake. Right?

Wrong!

I'm not sure what the hell that was, but once again I was betrayed by a foreign cake.

I have officially learned my lesson! Unless it has Betty Crocker stamped all over it, I'm not going to go there!

(until someone else wheels out a cake...)