Sunday, April 5, 2009

It's Mail Day!!!

Today was the BEST DAY EVER!! Today, the mail came.

Usually, at an Embassy overseas, the mail comes probably 2 or 3 times per week (depending on how crappy a location you have and how many people are there). Using this mathematical formula, mail comes to Khartoum randomly.

Mail was supposed to come here on Wednesdays; however, we have received it on a Sunday, Monday, and also Thursday. So pretty much the only day you know mail won't come is Tuesday... (So far). Anyway, this turns the arrival of mail as akin to Ed McMahon showing up at your door with a check: It's always a surprise!!

So imagine my delight to find that not only did mail come in - THERE WAS MAIL FOR ME (This is not a given and is, therefore, a travesty). So I'm sooo excited and the driver goes to pick it all up for the office -- and he brings it back so I run over to find my "mail."

There is a letter from Orkin telling me about Mosquitoes and the dangers therein. God, I totally hate Orkin!

So now the Best Day Ever is ruined. Utterly ruined. Left with no other options, I take it out on my co-workers (I'm totally popular here now).

So after pouting for the bulk of the afternoon at the perceived slight, I go to get into my car and there it was: a box on the seat of my car, waiting for me!!! The MAIL FAIRY CAME!!!

Apparently, the driver didn't want me to have to carry it all the way to my car (obviously, the driver's have gotten word of my laziness) so he left it lovingly on the seat of my car. (That guy is gonna get a raise!!!) So I race home and tear into my's NET was like manna from Heaven!!

I now have dry staples of oatmeal, cereal, garlic powder, rice, mac and cheese and some pledge wipes (who the hell ordered that??) and the BEST THING: a package of hostess chocolate cupcakes. (Don't tell Josh!!!) I seriously did a little happy dance when I pulled that out of the box. It’s all melty and squishy, but I don't even care. I'll eat that shit with a straw if I have to...

Now I'm regretting my decision not to purchase a whole box of cupcakes and just get the stupid single serving pack. (WTF!? Who wants one damn cupcake? PLUS, God only knows when the mail fairy will come again!! I really need to think these things through better!) However, at the time, I was trying to be good and not go bat shit crazy ordering cookies and cupcakes just because there is no food here and apparently, cake has not been invented in Sudan yet.

Oh, and I took some pictures for this morning. This little guy was sitting in one of the concrete blast things that they make into planters outside the embassy. There is mud inside that is wet and cool (right now it's about 38 degrees Celsius -- anyone who is familiar with the metric system can translate for you - but that equals roughly Hot as Hell.) He's doot doot though.

AND, can someone please translate my microwave? What the hell is this? There are no numbers just pictures of random farm animals -- and correct me if I am wrong here, but it looks like the microwave can only can cook a big cow, a little cow, a chicken, a fish and what appears to be a canoe. Far be it from me to judge the Sudanese, but I'm just of those is not technically a food product and probably should not be microwaved.

Also, where are the numbers?? How the hell do you work this thing?! If you push that triangle, it will give you increments of 30 seconds...but max time you can nuke in Sudan is 5 minutes. This really limits my nuking abilities. I'm just sayin....sometimes we need more time Sudan!!


Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Yikes! I wish you lots of luck!!! I'd probably not survive the day, and end up curled up in the fetal position in the bathtub, sucking my thumb and moaning.

Anonymous said...

Oh my...if you were next to me I'd pinch you- ok my dear:
1. COW

by the looks of the dial if you TURN it it will increase the time...try it! I'm the geek freak of the family and can figure out these things in a matter of seconds (for the most part)

I'm still wondering where the popcorn button is though ;)

Beth said...

So why is there a key picture on your microwave? Can you lock that bad boy up?

I still get excited about mail, too. We have an azzhat mailman who would rather spend the time writing a nasty note about a car he considers to be too dang close to the mailbox than just get off his lazy bum and put the mail in the box. We could do without the notes.

I'm loving your posts! I needed that laugh tonight.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

You are too funny. I agree....what were you thinking a single serving of cupcake? I'm sure you won't make that mistake again.

So the canoe is actually veggies? I never would have come up with that. I better stay where I am and learn Spanish which is almost a necessity here.

Fragrant Liar said...

Okay, I was going to say what Mrs. K said about the microwave. I wonder if tghe canoe is like a potato boat? :)

I would be completely discombobulated without the conveniences of nuking I've come to expect.

kwr221 said...

Maybe if you clean the microwave, it'll make more sense.

I'm just sayin'.....


You should totally get a medal, you're putting up with a LOT. Order the cupcakes, you deserve it!

Gaston Studio said...

Okay, LOL to kwr221!! Hey, at least you don't get mail that's already been opened by State Security because, if you're an American, you're definitely a spy!

Consider order some self rising flour, sugar, vanilla flavoring, chocolate chunks (although they'll probably melt) and baking yourself some cupcakes?!

That microwave is a hoot! And the pic of the dog is precious, keeping cool in the mud!

Hit 40 said...

I have to marvel at technology! I bet you might lose your mind if you couldn't blog over there!!! Very impressed that you would be working overseas. No one mails letters anymore.. just emails. I miss handwritten letters.