Saturday, April 11, 2009

Stink Eye

Remember how you used to describe when someone was mad at you that they were Giving you the Ole Stink Eye? Ever wonder where that came from??

Africa. It came from Africa.

More specifically, I think it might even have originated in Sudan. And, even more importantly, it is not limited to the Stink Eye, there is, apparently, also a Stink Ear.

Because that is what I have.

So here's the dealio. Khartoum has what you might describe as an air quality problem. The combination of sand storms, dust from the cars driving on the non-paved roads, and poor sanitation and waste management all combine to create the perfect storm of environmental conditions. Specifically (and this is gross, so if you're eating, you might want to navigate away from this page quickly...I'm just saying...) the air is FULL of fecal particulates. In fact, in the last survey done by the State Department (when they determine the amount of "post differential" they give employees - meaning how much extra they gotta pay you to live under these conditions) said that the amount of fecal particulates in the air is "too numerous to count." Which I can only assume means that there are large floating clouds of poop hovering over my house trying to get insdie RIGHT NOW!!!

Obviously, my house is not hermetically sealed because some of them got into my ear!!!

SOOO, (medically speaking) what happens is the poop - or "stink" as it is more commonly known - gets in your eyes, ears, sinuses and I can only assume lungs and creates the Hurt-ey symptoms found on WebMD.

Believe it or not, I am one of the lucky ones. There are currently three people at the Embassy with what looks like pink eye -but is, in reality, STINK EYE! Me...I was blessed with simply stink ear (which I think is a little less disgusting than Stink eye because ewweee). And God only knows how many there are in actuality -- these are the ones that I know! I'm frankly not that friendly, so there may be more!!

There may be a poopdemic and we just don't know it yet.

So maybe the Sudanese don't actually hate America! Maybe they weren't really GIVING us the stink eye, maybe they just HAD the stink eye! If we want to smooth our relations, we should probably just offer them some anti-bacterial drops for ears and eyes.

Once again, you're welcome! I realize you guys are just thankful I am here to help.

21 comments:

Smart Mouth Broad said...

So can I call you Ms. Poopy Ear now? I'm thinkin it's a really cute nickname?

Or some other variations might be:
Poopy Ears
Stinky
Ms. Stinky
Ca Ca Poohy
Whiney the Pooh

OK, I'm going to throw out this koolaid and fix myself a cocktail so I can stop acting like a seven year old.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Oh and in case you're wondering.....
Love ya.
Mean it!

darsden said...

OH my...stinkyear.. Smart Mouth Broad pretty much covered it (with sugar coated poop)...LOL

darsden said...

Oh love ya, mean it too...

darsden said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
darsden said...

Really, I just wanted to come back and beat SMB with an extra comment...then I misspelled her 3 initials (yes I've been drinking with Vodka Mom)...didn't want her after me...

lisa said...

Glad to hear you're taking one for the team.

Team Poopyhead, that is.

kwr221 said...

I'm not sure there is any differential that would be enough to walk around with poop floating in my eyes and ears.

Mrs. K said...

so basically you're up to your ears in shit. that's kind of gross.

blognut said...

And I'm now wondering, since you actually recommended that I consider moving to Sudan earlier today, just how much you like me? For the love of God! You tried to give me Stink Ear, or Stink Eye, or make me full of shit. Oh, wait - I can't blame that last condition on you - I came to you that way. Never mind. All is forgiven.

Beth said...

So now, if there is a poopdemic going on in Sudan and my dog is Miss Poopy, does this mean I need to send her to live with you? And if the answer is yes, can I come, too?

With the Michael Jackson mask and gloves and all. Maybe he wore that get-up after visiting Sudan.

darsden said...

Coming back in .. Blognut I am suing you.. you made me split my side... ;-0

darsden said...

have you noticed how popular you became after I show up over here...rotflmfao

Hit 40 said...

What a lovely place!!! I think I will book a vacation right away!

Gaston Studio said...

OMG, what about poopy mouth! How can it get in your eyes and ears and not get in your mouth?

We all know how your mouth is opening and closing constantly Michel, so admit it, you've got poopy ear AND poopy mouth!

That's disgusting!

Gaston Studio said...

But I love you anyway.

Gaston Studio said...

Just wanted you to know.

Gaston Studio said...

So how the hell do you link to your blog? Do you guys think I know all this stuff?

Gaston Studio said...

I DID IT! I DID IT!

darsden said...

WTF...how did I start losing...dammit...

Me said...

I have obviously been missing out. Stinkyear? I've heard of the Stanky Leg (that's a dance in case you're wondering...and no, I can't do it)My OCD and I will not be visiting the Sudan anytime soon. Thanks for the warning. And the laughs!