Because I'm Such a Good Person

I forgot to mention when I went on my recent tour of the pyramids that I also purchased a gift for Liz and her daughter Grace (not you Minoy! Liz and Grace sent me Rice Krispy Treats...I suspect you were going to, but then finished them off before they made it to the box (because that is what I would have done) so it it only fair).

Now this is a precious and pricey gift - I bargained for hours (or less than a minute, I can't really recall now, it was really hot and I kinda felt compelled because the Ministry of Tourism guy brought me over to him because he spoke English. I think they might have imported him in to sell stuff to us that day.....)

Why is this gift so precious, you ask?? Because these bracelets are made out of GENUINE COW.... (oooh.....aaaahhh)

The funniest part of that was that the guy kept repeating it, "No, lady. Serious. REAL COW. Very pretty. Cow. REAL Cow."

So Liz, I pretty much got you guys a cheap leather bracelet (probably made out of goat), but I'm confident that you will treasure it for all your days (or only on the days that I come to visit you guys - either way. It's what I would do).

And I'm super bummed that you can't really see this pic, (I didn't want to offend the waiter) but check out this menu!

Second down: Stake Paper (Beef, paper sauce); then there is the other favorite: Stake Strips (stake cut into pieces).

I didn't want to get beat for mocking them openly, but not pictured also included tasty appetizers of van levees, mix pottato appetites, and Hicken Kurdon Blue sandwishes.

And finally, there was an international incident the other evening. (And NO. I was not the cause of it.)

So you know how I like cookies, right??

Well, we're at this dinner with all kinds of people - and they bring out the dessert tray - and immediately I go from super excited to super disappointed!! (a) I don't recognize a damn thing on there; (b) there are pistachios and sesame seeds on most of it; and (b) it just looks kinda yucky. So I take one that looks like it might not suck too bad.

It sucked.

So I stopped eating - there is NO WAY I am going to waste stupid carbs and calories on something that tastes like crap. I'll save that for when someone leaves their girl scout cookies unattended (NOT that that happened...I mean... if it DID happen, it certainly was not me. I'm just saying that it COULD have happened that way. Cookies get lost. It's Africa...)

Anyway, so one of the foreigners at this dinner - gestures toward the tray of crap and tells me to have some. So (because I'm such a polite, well mannered person) I show him that I still have a piece of the honey covered paste ball and then point at the diet pepsi -- thinking that would be the end of it.

But no. My boss and EX friend Paul leans over to him and says, "she's watching her weight..." when the guy looks puzzled because English is not his first language, Paul clarifies "You know, WEIGHT" and makes the fat tummy gesture.

INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT!!!

So then the guy sitting beside me says, "No! You're not THAT fat..." And Paul is howling with the foreigner whom I believe was just courtesy laughing because he had no idea why anyone was laughing. Then the guy beside me repeats it - with even MORE emphasis on the you're not THAT fat -- managing to get EVERYONE's attention at the table -- so to stop him, I turn to him (politely, mind you) and scream "STOP HELPING ME!"

Paul continues to laugh and try to make it better by going, "But it's a compliment! In Sudanese culture that is a compliment!"

We're not Sudanese Paul!!

I suggest you check your vehicle closely. I'm just sayin...accidents happen (ask that sleeve of thin mint cookies...)