Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Some Random Bitches....

Okay, so the stupid internet was down all damn day! Which makes me crazy because I totally had a BUNCH of complaints to lodge against someone - but now it's late and I forget! (Someone should probably send me either ginkoba or a pen and paper....probably both would be better).


So, by now I am sure you want a status update: I am not sick.


I know! I am as shocked as you are.!! Poop ear? Gone. Stink eye? False alarm. Lassa Fever? Not yet. I don't even have any of the gastronomical/intestinal disorders that are so very common here. NOTHING. I'm frankly scared. The waiting is killing me. Just get it over with already!


What I do have, however, is sweat rings in all of my shirts. This morning at 0700 it was 108 degrees. Even the Sudanese are bitching about the heat. Although, to be fair, it is a dry heat - so your sweat ring disappears very quickly, and then you are left with a lovely salt ring (to commemorate your sweat ring).

God I'm disgusting. So sorry America, I'm humiliating you guys every day. My bad..

AND, I think my shoes might be melting, literally! Of course, I didn't use scientifically proven methods such as "measuring" or "looking," but I swear that the sole-part is melting from walking on the hot sand! They feel thinner...less cushy. Therefore, (Josh) I need to buy new shoes.


Anyway, walking around town with my salty sweat rings, lack of makeup and uncombed hair (to be fair, not Sudan's fault...that one is all me! I got sweat rings people! What's the point!?) is not my worst problem. My critical need at this juncture is a PEDICURE. I thought about taking a picture and posting it here for you, but upon further consideration, I realized that a number of you would probably flag my blog for offensive content. (I would have done it too, frankly.) Remember how I was so excited because I actually FOUND a spa...well, they are only open at random hours and apparently you have to be Ethopian to do someone's feet. And, it appears that the Ethiopians are never at work. (WTF Ethiopia?!)

ERGO, I've reached critical mass here. My shoes are all melty and it is going get very ugly very soon if I do not get a pedicure. In fact, I suspect if I were to walk around with open toed shoes, there would be an international incident.

So for the record, diplomacy is officially on hold until I can coerce a damn Ethiopian to come into work to do my toes.

12 comments:

darsden said...

You forgot to say how thankful you were for NOT having Chocolate Cancer! LOL...bitch away girl...I get bitchy when it is only 80 degrees..wait thats everyday...grumble...hummp Oh well..hope you find some shade ;-)

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Oh dear. Sounds like you need a trip to Alaska soon. Or maybe a meat locker somewhere closer by...

Beth said...

Sounds hot enough to be that place down under. Is there something you aren't telling us? Are you really somewhere else? Melting shoes reminds me of my visit to Arizona in the summer. Parts of my shoes DID get all cushy-like because that is what happens when you put them in the oven - which happened to be a sidewalk.

Do the Sudanese have ACs? We are all about the ACs in Georgia.

minoyw said...

So sorry about your melty shoes, now let's talk about something that interests me: www.pimpthatsnack.com. Note the rice crispy treat on page 3 of the Pimp Gallery and the giant creme egg featured on page two. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Hit 40 said...

Thank you for the birthday greetings.

No fire alarm today :-( Maybe tomorrow.

Supersperm is looking better!! He is a bundle of energy like the tazmanian devil! The rash is staph, but not MRSA.

Hit 40 said...

Oh my heavens... I see my blog linked up with your blog frog. COOL!

Mrs. K said...

OK sorry about your feet but I just realized something you twit...you have no tv but have you not heard of abc.com, nbc.com or cbs.com or even bravo.com?? You can go on there and watch all the very important shows!! You must so that you can keep up with what I'm talking about you know!? sheesh. Go get some nail polish remover, some lotion and new polish- do they even sell polish in Sudan or do you have to go to the red light district?

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Good Gawd, woman, don't go around sporting your nasty toes and causing international chaos! Bribery is key. Someone knows where this Ethiopian lives.

Namaste!

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

LOL, I feel your pain and I have no excuse! Just need to make time for myself.
I remember the heat in Bahrain (when I lived there oh so many years ago) and it took your breathe away.
I hear wearing panty liners in your shirts' armpits helps with the stains, LOL! Let me know how that works, LOL!

Gaston Studio said...

...and we all need to have gorgeous toes!

Left something for you on my blog today. Enjoy!

Gaston Studio said...

Also left something for you in my SECOND post today!

amy said...

I read "Some Random Bitches..." as "Some random bitches...stole my melty shoes" (or whatever), rather than "complaints."

Gotta tell ya, I was hoping you had a good story about some random bitches...