Thursday, April 23, 2009

It's Okay, Everyone Remain Calm

So this morning, I received the following from my vet:

Dear Michel
"Jack" is currently being cared for here at Ashburn Veterinary Hospital, following a blood profile that showed elevated liver enzymes. Dr. xxxx is over seeing Jack's treatment. When Jack first came in today, he was presented with lack of appetite and vomiting. We took x-rays of his abdomen that showed normal kidney and liver size but did reveal thickening of the intestines. Jack is currently receiving IV fluids to address the level of dehydration he had reached, and will stay on fluids until tomorrow morning when Dr. xxxx will reassess his hydration levels and decide on further treatment options.

WTF! I received this at what would be midnight DC time...so it's not like I can call and say What does that MEAN!? Thickening of the intestines!? Now, if they were talking about ME, I'd accuse them of calling me fat - but I don't think they tiptoe around that crap with pets. Plus, who ends a note with tomorrow we will decide treatment options - without going into detail what that MEANS.

So, knowing me (as most of you do by now) you probably realize that this email was not well received... Nay, in fact, it put me into a small (read, huge) hissy fit. I went from Poods ate too much grass again, to the guy taking care of him left a big block of stinky cheese laying around and Poods got into that (because my boy LOVES his stinky stuff), to Poods has cancer and is going to die and I'm stuck in Khartoum.

Then I began to plot how to get back to the States. Clearly, I needed to go home - it was a medical emergency!

Normally, I would just tell them that my son "Jack" was admitted to the hospital in Ashburn with a life threatening illness and I needed to get home -- but (unfortunately) I am actually FRIENDS with my boss and he knows who (what) Jack is....So the old family emergency excuse is out!

ALTHOUGH, I would just like to state for the record that I think it is DISCRIMINATORY that the USG will allow you to go home if an immediate family member is critically ill or dying - but then limits the definition of family member - as not as my pet. You know, I was all in support of allowing "significant others" to be allowed to travel as dependents and to be recognized as "family" even though they couldn't legally marry!!! But where is the support for me?? The childless - bat shit crazy pet freak?? I SUPPORTED YOUR CAUSE!! Would it KILL YOU GUYS to support mine?!

Anyway, so today was pretty much a bust. (I did not solve the Sudan-Us Relations problem. I had other issues to attend to today....) I called the vet immediately upon their opening, only to be told that the "vet" doesn't come into work until like 2 (which is my 10 pm!) WTF! LAZY! Who was caring for my precious baby boy....PLUS, it simply prolonged my torture.

Now realizing that Jack was rescued by me at the tender age of 4 weeks off of the mean streets of Pakistan, and that he was raised EXCLUSIVELY by me until about age 5 when Josh came into his life (and they started their mutual hate relationship), and then he spent yet another 5 + years plotting how to separate me from Josh and Kernel - you would think that I would know that he just might be a tad bit on the dramatic side...have a flair for the overreaction, if you will...

But no! Didn't even cross my mind.

I called the vet tonight and was told that they do not think that there is anything systemically wrong with him. That he probably just ate something out on the farm where he is living.

So basically, Jack (much like his mommy) is just a pig and he ate so much, he made himself sick. Clearly, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!! And also illustrates irrefutable PROOF that pets are FAMILY.

18 comments:

Mrs. K said...

oh my gosh...well glad he's ok. I've found that male pets are pretty much like the human male species at time...

Beth said...

Wait a minute. If your theory holds true, then I should be shitting the floor like Ms. Poopy. And for the record, to my knowledge, I have never left a trail of turds.

Glad to hear Jack is ok!

Hit 40 said...

How long are you going to be in Sudan? Poor doggies all alone at the farm.

I figured something was up. We all posted so much smack for you with no response.

Supersperm is looking a little better, but he still has a lot of bumps. We are going to get the soap thing down after this is over!! This is ridiculous.

Fragrant Liar said...

Your poor poopy dog! I think it's kinda weird that his intestines thickened. You'd think that if he was dehydrated, they'd shrink. Hmmm. Well, I hope he's being well cared for while you're away. I know how hard it is being away from your poopy dogs.

Yeah, I'm Still Here... said...

I'm so glad Jack is ok! Damn dogs, always up to something.

Yup, it may be true that our dogs resemble us... but I'm just super glad that WE DON'T resemble our dogs, as I'm sure Beth is too... =D

Char said...

Oh, poor Jack. You just know he needs you RIGHT NOW. And, they ARE family. Approach your boss/friend and plea your case. {{hugs}}

blognut said...

I will not have the USG discriminating against puppy children. I agree with you, it isn't fair at all.

Where do I sign? You are starting a cause, aren't you? Let me know if you need help making the posters.

darsden said...

Thank Goodness he doesn't have that damn chocolate cancer...Dudette really hope Jack gets back to his old self asap.

Gaston Studio said...

Still laughing so hard at Beth's comment but I'm SO glad that Jack isn't seriously ill.

Well, I'm with Blognut, draft the damn petition and we'll all sign it. I'm first, I'm first!

Gaston Studio said...

Hey, what's that fuschia pink award I see over there on the right? I don't have that! What is it? Who the hell gave it to you and why didn't they give me one?

I'm getting serious jealous now!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Glad the pooch is okay. Must be hard, being so far away from him.

gmcountrymama said...

I'm glad he is okay. I think of my cats as my children too. I've known my cat Cokee for 16 years, which is longer than I've known even my husband.
Here via Suzys.

Michel said...

Everyone - Jack IS okay, and I am truly thankful. He is being fostered with the wonderful man who adopted Kernel (when the airlines wouldn't let him get on the plane). I intend to bring Jack to Sudan once I go back to the States in July for training (insh'allah).

I forget that pretty much only Mrs. K, beth and Jane knew me back in the day when this blog was pretty much solely about my babies. haha!

Gaston Studio said...

Just checking back in to be SURE Jack is okay and glad that hasn't changed.

Still laughing at picturing Beth leaving a trail of turds!

Susan said...

So glad he's okay. I can't imagine being away from my dog child as you are. Whose farts would wake me out of a sound sleep? Who would sneeze directly into my face and drop food out of his dewlaps? Just cannot imagine life without him. Glad the poopy thing is okay!

Captain Dumbass said...

You think they could have cut that email down to "your dog has a tummy ache." Bastards.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Darn straight, they are family. Glad he's OK.

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