Friday, May 22, 2009

It's About Time....

I just realized that I haven't humiliated my husband lately...I've been remiss in my duties.

As many of you may know, Josh and I have a love-hate relationship with this blog; I love it, and he hates it. (Although I cannot imagine WHY..what's not to love? I mean, COME ON!)

He hates that people he doesn't know now know about his shit. What I keep trying to explain to him is that nobody but he and Liz' hubby, Dan care about his shit....because his shit is all about the gear.

(So help me God, if I hear about that damn sleeping bag one more time...)

Anyway, so Josh is back from his brokeback-packing adventure in Alaska. He and Dan had a great time and then he spent a week with his family (Hi guys!) before returning to Iraq. Naturally, I had no idea he returned to Iraq. In fact, there was an awkward phone call via skype where I asked his dad if Josh was there, and after an extended silence where I was forced to check to see if I had mistakenly called Ann Taylor again, was told, " He left. Don't you speak to him?!"

I totally saved that conversation though. I told him, "HA! Yes, I was just checking to make sure I was still married...." (It is probably quite likely that Josh's parents want to have me committed. If you don't hear from me for a while, someone please check the Minnesota Mental Institutions....)

Truth is, I DO speak to him... I speak to him all the time...but as it turns out, I do not actually LISTEN to him. And this (apparently) is where I need to focus my efforts in general.

However, in my defense, it is HARD to do so when you are talking to someone via Skype, so you're already online - and then I am all bogged down because I am behind on my commenting on other peoples' blogs (because how will you know what I think if I don't tell you?!) and so I'm attempting to multi-task while I'm talking to him - PLUS, he was likely talking about the gear and how cool it was to have a sleeping bag custom made for you and then some blah blah blah blah....but then Beth was talking about how she ate too many Fiber One Pop Tarts - and I'm all "Pop tarts are fiberey??" So then I had to explain how fiber and pop tarts were applicable to Alaska and his ice axe (which was quite the feat, let me tell you) but once that was over - I totally had to look up pop tarts to see if they had frosting on them but were still fiber because how F'in yummy would that shit be -- and how the hell could I get it out here in Sudan..... I mean, you see my point, right?!? I got a lotta shit goin on!

Okay, so maybe I'm not such a good listener.

HOWEVER, I'm an equal opportunity non-listener. Why just tonight I was talking to some Ambassador at the Yemeni National Day and I not only do not know his name, or what Embassy he was from....I'm pretty sure he thinks I have Tourette's Syndrome because I can't seem to control myself anymore with my Arabic. Tonight, someone said, "Wa'llahi" and I totally perked up and then repeated it - all proud of myself! (because I KNOW that one!!) Everyone stopped and stared at me. A few laughed, but it was the nervous "I'm kinda scared she might kill me and then use my skin to make a lamp shade" kinda laugh... One guy even turned and walked away.

So once again I have humiliated the US of A. On the bright side, however, nobody accused us of being an oppressive colonizer!

I'm totally making progress you guys!!! You are welcome!!!


blognut said...

I love embarrassing Mr. Blognut on my blog, and he totally hates it.

I don't see why they have to be so uppity about the blogs.


Glad you didn't cause another international incident. You are making progress!

blognut said...

Ha! I'm first! Where's Dar?

Boo ya!!

Beth said...

Send me your address and I'll send you the rest of the Fiber One Pop Tarts. After the night I had, I'm a-scared to evah eat them again.

Beth said...

And as for Josh hating the blog (and are you sure that was what he said), I say he can just get his own blog and rag about you. Or his gear. Which ever one he wants to rag about.

darsden said...

You don't listen very well because you are too busy running on about YOU. Imagine what you would know if you would just shuddddup...LOL meant with love of course!

I just love to hear your rantings...bawhahahaha

Happy Big Memorial day weekend.. thanks for the home defense or what ever the chit you do for our country besides bitching!

Gaston Studio said...

I just thank God you didn't say Sharmuta to the ambassador!

otin said...

Cake eating reality show! You crack me up! It sounds more like you are on Survivor: Sudan LOL!

Jason, as himself said...

This post is one of your best yet. I would totally be doing the same thing...trying to catch up on blogs while communicating with my spouse half a world away and then missing some crucial information. I'm wondering if there are any spouses out there who just love that their spouse has a blog. I bet there aren't many!

Keep working on that Arabic!

marathoner81 said...

I hate it when people just assume you're listening to them. Happens to me all the time.

Hit 40 said...

I agree with marathoner. The students are always thinking that I give a darn about their thoughts!!! How dare they!!

Your hubby should send you a comment/ or love note back on your blog!! Then, you would see it.

♥ Braja said...

"Wa'llahi"--- you didn't tell us what it means? :)

Michel said...

Blognut: I KNOW! Its not like anyone really cares!? I say a lotta shit! WHO LISTENS!

Beth: Please do not suggest that josh start his own blog - he would take over my blog and start posting shit about sleeping bags and cramp ons. You guys would regret it. Or, at least I would.

Darsden: happy M day to you too. And for the record I do a LOTTA chit for my country....why just today I...wait. No, that wasn't really FOR my country so much as at it....there's gotta be something....

Jane: heh said Ho.

Otin: I'm sure the Sudanese are currently trying to vote me off the continent as I type. It's only a matter of time.

Jason: There might be one - but its probably the spouse of some person who blogs about technical shit. Nobody wants to read that!

M81: I know! Its rude, right!?

Hit40: Believe me, you do NOT want josh to comment on this blog. HE would lecture you all about your enabling me in my cake abuse or why LAYERING your clothing is the key to warmth. You'd all leave.

Braja: Wa'llahi means REALLY? or Swear to God. It is awesome. I love to throw it out there when some people have been gibber jabbering in front of me - and then they all stop and there is a moment of panic when they try to decide if I know what they said.

Gaston Studio said...

I say Ho a lot actually.

Amy (the Happy Mom!) said...

I think it's the name. I have a husband named Josh, too, and I tune him out a LOT.

We just have to be witty and charming enough to play it off like we were listening in the first place, or in extreme cases where that wouldn't be convincing, like it's endearing that we only care about ourselves. ha!

Middle Aged Woman said...

You REALLY need a to save this stuff up to write a book. I'd buy two. And this? "start posting shit about sleeping bags and crampons."
Who the HELL thought crampons was a good name?

Smart Mouth Broad said...

My husband "says" that I never hear anything anymore because I'm always blogging. I'm sure that can't be true. He just isn't saying anything I care to listen to.