Jane at Gaston Studio is once again making me do homework! You know, I feel all kinds of pressure these days! Pressure to "listen" to my husband, to keep up on my blog, to succeed on my quest to be the greatest commenter of all time and, frankly, from my other passion - ruining other peoples' lives whom I believe may have wronged me in some way shape, or form -- soooo, my point is... I gotta lot goin' on here! Therefore, I ask you, when does this leave time for me true "work" here???!
So the lesson I take away from this is that clearly Jane is trying to sabotage US/Sudanese relations. Coincidence?? I think not!
Exhibit A: Jane spent time in Bahrain and Egypt - yet she CLAIMS she is American. I submit to you, HOW could an American lady - all cute and Julie from the love boat looking - run around the middle east without being accosted by Iran (for calling people Ayatollah when she wanted to turn left) or Asbestos? HOW COULD THIS BE?! It is UNPOSSIBLE.
Exhibit B: Jane mailed me a box full of brownie mixes (which I LOVE, FYI) and now I'm all distracted yet again, and am actively considering calling in sick with mesopotamia (which I believe is the precurser to mesotheliomia) so that I can sit on the computer, spout my nonsense here and on your blogs, and proceed to eat an entire pan of brownies. Why is this her fault you ask?? BECAUSE it is well-known that I am pretty much a cake/brownie-ho. Everybody knwos this - SHE is simply trying to exploit this weakness.
Well played my friend...well played.
Anyway, Jane wants me to list 6 things that make me "happy" and then make some others do the same. Well JANE, you are NOT the boss of me!! I will list your six things - but I'm not going to tell anyone to do the same unless they feel like it. I will not be a part of the conspiracy!!!
SO, here goes:
(1) I am happy that YOUR congressmen all choose major holiday weekends to travel to foreign countries so that they don't miss any important bills or debates in Congress. I am also equally happy that this ensures that I also will not miss any of those important bills or debates in Congress....(I'll just miss any semblance of a weekend and/or holiday.)
(2) I am happy that a kajillion pictures were taken of me during this visit, and not one damn one of them was from the waist up! Don't the Sudanese photographers KNOW that the camera adds 10 pounds and that when presented with an entire pan of brownies as a dinner option, any American will choose to finish said brownies rather than making a dinner and THEREFORE the photographer should KNOW that they should NOT be taking full body pictures?!
(3) I am happy that I can finally sue the USG. In addition, after I buy the State of Colorado with my settlement money maybe, just maybe, if you're very nice to me and leave all suckey-uppey comments I might let you visit some of my ski resorts and my country home I like to call Denver.
(4) I am happy that Loudoun county pretty much forced me to write them three emails -- the last one ranting (I KNOW! ME??? Shocking!) -- so that I could have the PLEASURE of paying my property taxes on a house in which we do not currently live (Do you like how I restructed that sentence so that it did not end in a preposition?? I'm telling you, that was not easy!) I am also equally happy that they were all snotty to the person who was TRYING to pay her taxes on time. (I'm totally going to litter the next time I get back in the states in Loudoun County. Just try to stop me!)
(5) I am happy that I have now bought the same pair of shoes three times because I forgot I already ordered them and then I would go online and see them again and think they were adorable and that I had to have them so I would order them again....but they're SERIOUSLY cute shoes. Luckily for me, Sudan has shoe melting technology coating their streets and parking lots, so I will probably wear through those extra two pairs of shoes before Josh arrives (and therefore he will never be the wiser).
(6) I am happy -- oh, who I am kidding?!?! Today!? I'm frankly NOT HAPPY!
And now you aren't either! HA! And there is NOTHING you can do about it....
Welcome to my world bitches!
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
13 hours ago