Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Some Positive Things to Say about Sudan

I have decided that I should probably tell you some positive things about Sudan - since the majority (read, all) of my posts are bitching and complaining about something or other - not even usually related to Sudan, but more about me.

But I think we've established that "ME" is my most favorite subject...EVER.

So here goes, I will try to think up 25; however, I will accept 10. (I'm lazy AND that's a lotta nice things to say...)

1. Sudanese think chubby is hot; (Seriously. I'm like a damn super model here. They love me long time. You'd think I would treasure this aspect of Sudanese society, however, they also love to give you compliments about your fattyness. Compliments like, "Whooooa! You are gaining WEIGHT? NO?!" Listen buddy, in my country you'd be killed by a rabid pack of women for that kinda talk....)

2. Sudanese are super nice and friendly. (Even when the answer is no or they are telling you to F off - they do so and then go, "So, good. How is your husband? He is good, no? He IS going to join you no? You are soo pretty and spacial. He should not leave you alone." DID YOU HEAR THAT JOSH!? I have no business being left alone. Besides, if left to my own devices - in the company of little Debbie - I totally will be even more spacial!!!I cannot be trusted around Little Debbie. This is well known!)

3. The Sudanese are very polite. (When trotting out your newfound Arabic Skills to the Sudanese officials and you loudly proclaim, "Hello! How bear news with chicken. Awesome!!!" They usually just respond with "Al-Humdulilah!" -- never questioning you on what news the bear with the chicken has...but rather, Thanking God that you will leave their office very very soon.)

4. The Sudanese use the word Haboob in everyday conversation and with a straight face (it needs no explanation. That shit is funny!)

5. The Sudanese invite you to their house for dinner (all the time....without telling you that dinner starts at 10:30 pm on a schoolnight!)

6. The Sudanese do not mock you openly. (Not even when you inform them you have a curfew - like you did when you were still in highschool and you were going to get grounded if mom and dad caught you coming in even one minute after 11:15 because the :15 was your grace period damnitt - EVEN THOUGH you pointed out that Brandy AND Laurie's mom let's them stay out until midnight because all the cool kids are doing it, they're okay!)

7. The Sudanese let you adopt strays (And don't say a word to you when they are forced to walk around the housing compound with four rambunctious stray puppies and their mom running the perimeter and then pouncing on their shoes. They thank you when you point out how you have "helped" them by bringing in a bark alarm in case the terrorists try to jump the fence...those puppies would seriously harrass them mercilessly to be pet until they were forced to rejump the fence to get the hell out of there and find some British compound to harrass because everyone knows the brits prefer cats - or so, someone has started that rumor around town....)

8. The Sudanese are patient drivers (they are so patient that they will allow you or anyone else to drive on either side of the road in either direction - and if you start going, insh'allah, someone will stop).

9. The Sudanese are.... (This section intentionally left blank.)

10. The Sudanese have not kicked me out of country yet. (I am officially at Day 52 and only 47 international incidents to date. I call that a SUCCESS PEOPLE!)


darsden said...

LOL..OMG you have to have been there longer than 52 days...seriously..LOL Well, I can't say your barely 10 will ever support me wanting to vacation there! are crazy woman! How long are you stuck there.. that is some spring break you are on from school!

Kathy B! said...

Hmmm. I'll look like a supermodel and people won't openly mock me?! Look out... I'm heading for the airport now! This sounds like my kinda place!!

Gaston Studio said...

LOL, boy that was a stretch if ever I've seen one! Stay away from the Little Debbies; I'm telling you, fudge cake, has no calories or carbs!

Fragrant Liar said...

Okay, did some Sudanese dignitary say she/he was going to read your blog? Or what. You gotta be all nice and respectful and gushing all over Sudan? I think #9 bears the answer to this question. Come on now, what is it?

lakeviewer said...

Tell us again why you're in Sudan? Your stuff is funny as heck; but, could it be that you are twisting things?

Suzy said...

That was funny, haboob. No really. Insh'allah.

blognut said...

I need to come there - the Sudanese would love my spacialness. With my extra chin, they'd probably have me crowned Queen of Spacial-Taking-Upness.

♥ Braja said...

Ok I'm not comin' to Sudan then :))

I lOVED your post about your birthday and your stupid mother...laughed out loud, and that hurts so will you STOP IT??!

xxoxoxohi5hi5 ;))

Beth said...

Haboob, haboob, haboob! It really is hilarious. Just reading it makes me laugh. And I haven't even tried to say to word out loud.

So nice of you to list the nice things about Sudan (but you still haven't sold me on hiding out there).

Gaston Studio said...

Something for you on my post today!

marathoner81 said...

They like chubby?! All this time I've been living in the wrong country.

Pastor Sharon said...

Oh my gosh! I found this blog because I followed it from Gaston Studios (Jane) who I dearly love reading about!
I have sat here and read your posts and I'm thinking if you don't already do some kind of stand up comedy, maybe you should. I get the feeling you have the flair to make everyday life totally hilarious!
So. . . now I am forced to stalk this blog too. I am hooked. So, I guess I need to move to another country if "chubby" is in. . . since I have not successfully taken the extra 10 pounds off. It would totally boost my ego right about now!
Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

The Sudanese are totally opposite from the French! You'd have a real reason to bitch if you lived here.