The Cure for the Crapitude

So as it turns out, you guys weren't the only ones who has noticed that I have got a bit of a mood and a 'tude these days. However, although it actually hasn't been that hot here, in my defense, I've obviously got the onamotapia, an actute case of acidopholous, and probably a touch of tilipia. And, I'm tired and I need a damn nap! There is that too.....

However, that all ended today in what had to be the most hilarious event EVER since I arrived in Sudan waaaay back in March 2009. SERIOUSLY....ever. Now obviously because I have stated unequivocally (damn! look at all the big wordey-words I'm using tonight! How cool am I? Oh wait, I don't have access to spell check....oh well, you know what I mean...smart stuff.) that it was HILARIOUS - my retelling will likely fall flat. However, suffice it so say: funniest. EVER.

So my boss calls us up into his office for yet another stupid planning meeting -- seriously! Planning? So lame. Overrated. I say we wing it. What could possibly go wrong. They're Senators...who even knows who their State Senator IS anyway...AND (in addition) it was not MY state Senator (I think). So we go trudging up there and Anna is sitting on the couch, which leaves me the big girl chair. So I'm all excited because usually the big comfy chair is the first to go in these meetings. (So easy to nap in and not facing Paul's desk, so it is tough for him to verify the status of your awakeness -- he does enjoy pontificating.)

ANYWAY, so Paul starts blathering on about this and that and then Anna starts going over the schedule and who has to do what. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there fuming because I'm not going to one more damn dinner that doesn't even START until almost 10 pm and never ends until after midnight but that doesn't stop them from making me show up for work bright and early... and Paul stands up and walks into the bathroom and continues talking.....

So next thing I know I hear him START PEEING. I SHIT YOU NOT...the MAN WAS PEEING AND CONTINUED TALKING TO ANNA THE WHOLE TIME. So then I look at Anna and the others in Horror --everyone is staring at each other, mouths agape because WTF. Our boss, our fearless leader - the senior diplomat in the room is using the bathroom with the DOOR OPEN while he continues to pontificate.

BUT that is not it! NO! Anna continues talking to him, going over the schedule. So then we all start whispering, "holy shit! did he just f'in potty in the middle of a meeting?" and "Anna! STOP LOOKING IN THERE!"

So then he flushes.

And by this time I am literally crying I am laughing so hard. I cannot breathe, the others are flabbergasted except for Anna who continues on with her agenda.

So now I'm falling out of the big chair because I'm rolling around laughing so hard and am now starting to worry that I may indeed pee my skirt - but it is soo damn funny that no sound is coming out of my mouth - just tears running down my face.

So Paul finishes washing his hands (if he couldn't have the decency to close the door, he at least washed his hands. We must find something redeeming about him. I mean, my God! That shit is unsanitary!) and then he casually walks back into the room talking to Anna and sits back down at his desk.

I can see the others attempt to compose themselves because now he's asking people what the status is of this or that -- and they are trying to close their mouths and not make eye contact with him - but still answer.

So I am still dying in my chair - but I can't take it anymore. I burst out laughing and go, "What the hell?!?!? DID YOU JUST PEE!?" Because I mean, I realize at an Embassy we're supposed to be a "family" and all - but are we supposed to be quite so dysfunctional a family?? MY GOD! I say again...MY GOD!

So then Paul and Anna finally lose it and start laughing. Paul took a glass of water in there with him because he knew that we couldn't actually see him, just his legs because of the angle. Those two practiced it so that they could go on.

I seriously have never seen such looks of sheer horror on anyone's faces as everyone in that room had. To their credit, I was the only one who could not control myself. The others tried to go on, however, this is not some random fart that breaks the silence during a meeting (although, I have to admit that I can't control myself then either because that shit is just funny!) HE WAS PEEING.

So you can all thank Paul for bringing me out of my funk; however, I am probably going to need some serious therapy to get over this one.