Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Cure for the Crapitude

So as it turns out, you guys weren't the only ones who has noticed that I have got a bit of a mood and a 'tude these days. However, although it actually hasn't been that hot here, in my defense, I've obviously got the onamotapia, an actute case of acidopholous, and probably a touch of tilipia. And, I'm tired and I need a damn nap! There is that too.....

However, that all ended today in what had to be the most hilarious event EVER since I arrived in Sudan waaaay back in March 2009. SERIOUSLY....ever. Now obviously because I have stated unequivocally (damn! look at all the big wordey-words I'm using tonight! How cool am I? Oh wait, I don't have access to spell check....oh well, you know what I mean...smart stuff.) that it was HILARIOUS - my retelling will likely fall flat. However, suffice it so say: funniest. EVER.

So my boss calls us up into his office for yet another stupid planning meeting -- seriously! Planning? So lame. Overrated. I say we wing it. What could possibly go wrong. They're Senators...who even knows who their State Senator IS anyway...AND (in addition) it was not MY state Senator (I think). So we go trudging up there and Anna is sitting on the couch, which leaves me the big girl chair. So I'm all excited because usually the big comfy chair is the first to go in these meetings. (So easy to nap in and not facing Paul's desk, so it is tough for him to verify the status of your awakeness -- he does enjoy pontificating.)

ANYWAY, so Paul starts blathering on about this and that and then Anna starts going over the schedule and who has to do what. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there fuming because I'm not going to one more damn dinner that doesn't even START until almost 10 pm and never ends until after midnight but that doesn't stop them from making me show up for work bright and early... and Paul stands up and walks into the bathroom and continues talking.....

So next thing I know I hear him START PEEING. I SHIT YOU NOT...the MAN WAS PEEING AND CONTINUED TALKING TO ANNA THE WHOLE TIME. So then I look at Anna and the others in Horror --everyone is staring at each other, mouths agape because WTF. Our boss, our fearless leader - the senior diplomat in the room is using the bathroom with the DOOR OPEN while he continues to pontificate.

BUT that is not it! NO! Anna continues talking to him, going over the schedule. So then we all start whispering, "holy shit! did he just f'in potty in the middle of a meeting?" and "Anna! STOP LOOKING IN THERE!"

So then he flushes.

And by this time I am literally crying I am laughing so hard. I cannot breathe, the others are flabbergasted except for Anna who continues on with her agenda.

So now I'm falling out of the big chair because I'm rolling around laughing so hard and am now starting to worry that I may indeed pee my skirt - but it is soo damn funny that no sound is coming out of my mouth - just tears running down my face.

So Paul finishes washing his hands (if he couldn't have the decency to close the door, he at least washed his hands. We must find something redeeming about him. I mean, my God! That shit is unsanitary!) and then he casually walks back into the room talking to Anna and sits back down at his desk.

I can see the others attempt to compose themselves because now he's asking people what the status is of this or that -- and they are trying to close their mouths and not make eye contact with him - but still answer.

So I am still dying in my chair - but I can't take it anymore. I burst out laughing and go, "What the hell?!?!? DID YOU JUST PEE!?" Because I mean, I realize at an Embassy we're supposed to be a "family" and all - but are we supposed to be quite so dysfunctional a family?? MY GOD! I say again...MY GOD!

So then Paul and Anna finally lose it and start laughing. Paul took a glass of water in there with him because he knew that we couldn't actually see him, just his legs because of the angle. Those two practiced it so that they could go on.

I seriously have never seen such looks of sheer horror on anyone's faces as everyone in that room had. To their credit, I was the only one who could not control myself. The others tried to go on, however, this is not some random fart that breaks the silence during a meeting (although, I have to admit that I can't control myself then either because that shit is just funny!) HE WAS PEEING.

So you can all thank Paul for bringing me out of my funk; however, I am probably going to need some serious therapy to get over this one.

28 comments:

blognut said...

I would TOTALLY DO THAT! Only I would really pee, because I don't care who I'm talking to if I'm peeing. And if you ever call me on the phone, I might pee while we're talking because if I gotta go, I gotta go.

blognut said...

Hee Hee! First! Firsty-first-first!

La La La La First!

What's that?

FIRST!

blognut said...

By the way - don't be depressed. Ever. 'Cause I corner the market on that shit, and I'm not sharing it with you. When I say, 'Oh, poor me!' I totally mean ME. Not YOU. ME.

ME ME ME ME!

FIRSTY-FIRST ME!

marathoner81 said...

Oh my god...that is freaking hysterical. So funny in fact that I peed my pants laughing (for the second time today)!

marathoner81 said...

SECOND..so take that blognut...I'll get you one of these days!

tera said...

I am now so glad that the bathrooms here are down the hall. I did however take a call (on 911 no less) from a woman who, I realized about 10 seconds into the call, was peeing. And flushing. Gross.
If it's enough of an emergency to call 911...can you not wait to pee? Sheesh.

Michel said...

Blognut: remind me only to ever text you. Just do like I do, hang up while they're talking and claim the call dropped. DOOY.

M81: depends. that's all i gotta say.

tera: that is hideous. maybe he was sick!? Better be.

The Peach Tart said...

This was so hilarious. It's given me new devious ideas.

Vodka Mom said...

While you're climbing out of your funk, can you throw a friend a line?

I'm drowning over here........

otin said...

I am lost lol, did he really pee or did they stage it? and Marathoner81, how many times a day do you pee your pants? LMAO!!

Reddirt Woman said...

That is too funny... I had just told a friend that I was having just a crappy day and that I needed and attitude adjustment and I clicked on your blog, saw the title of the post and knew I'd come to the right place. Now I've got to clean my screen AND change my depends...

Thank you, thank you, thank you... I needed this.

Helen

Reddirt Woman said...

an attitude adjustment... where is that dang proofreader when you need her...

Gaston Studio said...

Paul has totally redeemed himself,no longer is he the crappy,horrible boss you've told us all about, because he not only PARTICIPATED in this joke, he actually TOOK THE LEAD!!

Out of your funk, out, out, won't stand for it!!

And just for the record, I'm # 7! Or do I have count blognut 3 times? In that case, I'm #10! Wait, I'm #11 because Reddirt posted twice... shit, do I have to count your return comments Michel?

expateek said...

OMG, and here I thought our gummit overseas wasn't doin' nuthin'!

Why, yer all peein'!

Mah tax dollahs at work. I'll sleep easy tonight... the free world remains safe thanks to your excellent work.

Actually, thank God there's something in the Sudan to laugh about, because otherwise it's probably pretty damn bleak, eh?

CarrieAnn said...

This is sooooo funny!!! And for the record, I don't know who my Senator is.

Hit 40 said...

If I can find the fart machine and the remote for the fart machine, it is yours for the next meeting.

I like to tape it under the chair of the person speaking to make the farting noise. We will see you laughs last!!!!

lakeviewer said...

Just take pictures over there. You never know when you need to blackmail somebody. Kidding.

bernthis said...

I am totally in love with your boss. Is he single? Fucking hysterical!

Jason, as himself said...

What a great story. I love a good practical joke like this to ease the tension. I may have to try this...

Fragrant Liar said...

You got punk'd! Points for Paul and Anna. Especially Paul for the sound effects -- and the stones! That was a riot.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Holy crap!! Now THAT would have been a good one! HEEEELARIOUS!!!

Kelly's Ideas said...

I am busting a gut laughing that I had to wipe my eyes to finish reading.. that was way too good.... I gotta do it....
good thing he didn't practice taking a crap then you would definitely be out for the count!
Love,
Kelly

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Your boss sounds like a fun guy.

Michel said...

Shit you guys. Now paul's head's going to be all huge - like a lemon on a toothpick. He's going to lord it over me at work. WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!

He's been waiting for the day that he's known as the ladies man....if you guys only knew....

Barbara? care to comment? Liz? Minoy? JUSTIN?

Together We Save said...

I am at work quietly, secretly, blogging away and now i have tears rolling down my cheeks from holding in the laughter. That is so funny.

♥ Braja said...

Have i mentioned that you're nuts? :)))

I'da got up and shut the door....

Pastor Sharon said...

All I can do is laugh. . . what a way to bring laughter to work. . . and when I got to the part where no sound is coming from your mouth but tears are rolling down your face from laughing. . . I started laughing harder and couldn't quit. . . . This Paul guy scored some points with humor. . .

Smart Mouth Broad said...

OK, next time I'm in a funky way, instead of kicking my arse as previously requested, please send me Paul. OMG! Seriously can't stop laughing.