Thursday, May 14, 2009

This May Explain a Few Things....

I received this from "My Mommy" on my birthday (I have always called her MY mommy, because I refused to share her with my stupid sister!) Anyway, I thought I would share it with you because I pretty much have not changed since birth....

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I remember the day well. You were crying before you were totally born! Muffled wails – weird sensation…Even then, you were chomping at the bit to get out of wherever you are so you can be someplace else.

I was warned…but the message was too cryptic to understand…

But this is a TRUE STORY!

You were so late arriving that I, in my hormone-damaged state, decided that you were never coming, and unpacked my hospital bag. Subsequently, when the hot flashes began 2 weeks after your due date at 0300, it took an extra hour to pack something so as not to be without a hairbrush after the birthing ordeal….which turned out to be brief….your daddy did not even have time to park the car and find my room.


He dropped me off at the front door of the hospital, (how romantic) and I remember pushing the doorbell for the hospital over and over (it was shift change and no one came! They lock the door at night in Davenport WA) Standing there with contractions in progress at 0700 (it was cold outside) was not fun. I did finally get in, just in time to go directly to the delivery room where you were born by 0728 (approx). You practically walked out.

Actually, you were hanging so low in there for the last few weeks that I was afraid to sit down because it felt like I was sitting on your head. Maybe that explains some of your later behaviors and decisions -- but why you could not have simply come forward as other good children do, I do not know, but I should have been warned with those events that you would be a child who did things her way and that her way was not going to be orthodox.

Really. I mean, what do you call your career choices etc??? As a mother, I had nothing to talk about! How could I have conversations with my friends/family about my wonderful my little girls and all their cute hopes and dreams when one of those girls had announced to all (in all seriousness) that she wanted to be an 18 wheel truck driver or a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader? Her way WAS the highway—aka travel far, travel wild… What does one say over coffee when your youngest bear says these things?

Did I mention the time when you were only a week old when I had to rescue you from aspiration and airway obstruction? You were such a strong and enthusiastic eater, that you inhaled you bottle and took so much formula that you projectile vomited it back out minutes later. The tiny (then) tummy was just too full and your food gage was not appropriately set. We had it readjusted – i.e. mom took away the bottle—you got ½ bottle until you let me burp you in a timely manner instead of screaming for more.

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So clearly, this explains so much...I was testing a new diet plan at one month and started my bitching in the birth canal.

My parents must be sooo proud.

17 comments:

blognut said...

Awwww... you were just a mini-YOU. I think that's awesome, and I bet your parents are totally proud!

blognut said...

Ha! I'm first. Dar must be napping.

david mcmahon said...

G'day from Australia, Michel,
I really enjoyed this post and your sense of humour. I came here from Gaston Studio.

Fragrant Liar said...

"The tiny (then) tummy was just too full and your food gage was not appropriately set." HA ha. "Then" that's pretty funny. Er, I mean, your mom was so sweet to send this to you, and then for you to post it! I guess she's not mad at you for getting married on her birthday, huh? Or maybe she is and she just wanted to tell the world you eat a lot tend to projectile vomit! You can never trust a mom. I'd be scared about what will come next...

otin said...

LOL at the infant bulimia! haha! and also you were hanging low there for awhile and being afraid to sit on your head. That is some funny shit!

Yeah, I'm Still Here... said...

Awww that was so sweet of your Mom to do her best to avoid sitting on your head! Too bad she didn't have time to drive to Deaconess or Sacred Heart though, they don't lock their doors! ;o)

Oh dang, and I missed your birthday! Well actually I didn't know it was your birthday sooo Happy Birthday! Hey, it counts.

Beth said...

Remind me not to sit across from you when you are eating.

Char said...

Tell me, was you head turning 360* as you projectile vomited? Just wondering.

Mrs. K said...

A cheerleader? For real? I'm so proud. Im surprised your mom didn't just start hand sewing your outfits right there and then. :P

Gaston Studio said...

Well, that definitely explained a lot to me. I've just never heard of a pregnant woman having hot flashes instead of contractions, so that must be why you were wanting out of there so bad... it was a preview of Sudan! Hot as hell and who wouldn't want to be somewhere else!

darsden said...

LOL that explains A lot for sure...Dude I want to meet your Mom...LOL xoxo Michel hope you are still celebrating your birthday week..Yes, that's how we roll around here YOU get a whole week to celebrate :-)

Blognut-wasn't napping I have built a farm that I must tend to now and then..(ssh on facebook bahhahahahaha)

Smart Mouth Broad said...

So that's what you're doing over there: driving trucks and cheering football games?

marathoner81 said...

What a great b-day message from your mom. This explains a lot...thanks!

Pearl said...

I love birth stories. Amazing how often they give insight to the person! :-)
Pearl

bernthis said...

I've been impatient my whole life. explains why I came out two weeks early now doesn't it?

Hit 40 said...

Your poor mom. How scary for her.

I had 10 pounds babies :-(

Kathy B! said...

I'm wondering if I might have sat on one of my daughters' heads (one in particluar!!)... they were all at least 6 weeks early, but it would explain so much :)