Port Sudan - Ghetto Fabutastic!

Okay, so as you guys may have already guessed because you seem to be very bright people (and not only because you choose to read THIS (obviously superior) blog), there was no internet in Port Sudan. There was also, apparently, not a lot of sanitary stuff going on in Port Sudan. I pretty much went camping for the last five days. Camping in a what claimed to be a four "star" hotel. I assume by Star, they mean minutes of running water you get per day... However, all told.... I had the BEST TIME EVER!

I KNOW!!! I am sure nobody saw that one coming!!

First of all, I got to travel with Christina! She allegedly speaks Arabic, but I'm guessing her arabic is also in quotes on her resume, because the Sudanese pretty much had no idea what we were talking about - and there was a lot of "OOH! Ho-TEL" going on....Eventually, the Sudanese gave up and either spoke English or walked away (either one worked fine for me).

Best part: The Sudanese told Christine that she had Gray hair! hahahaha! She tried to teach them "Blonde" but they would just say...yes, GRAY. (I gotta admit, I loved this part of the trip most of all...TAKE THAT CUTE BLONDE! SUCKAH!) I had to move approximately 10,000 miles away to find the one country that loves fatties and doesn't treasure blondes. If only they also treasured sanitation and cutlery.....

Okay, so that was Christina and I on the bus on our way from the airport. Right before we started our whirlwind tour of Port Sudan - although one might assume Port Sudan would be totally cosmopolitan because Jaques Cousteau was there way back in the day and made it totally famous on his show that came on before the Lawerence Welk Show that we all suffered through while we waited for the Muppet Show to come on...it should be noted, however, that one would be wrong. One should also probably consider that sanctions might impact one's vacation amenities as well....

These were two kids who happened to be standing on the street . I assumed the Sudanese hired them for photo ops for us because they pretty much assumed Josh's favorite photo op pose where he goes all gansta on the camera.... Apparently, boys are born knowing the "What up Bitches!" pose in every culture.....

This was down by the beachfront area - I'm not sure what they're totin, but it looked all NatGeo and I had to take a pic of it.

This is what our pool looked like at the hotel. Christina and I tried to go out there when we had some free time, but it was too Alfred Hitchcockey - those pigeons are kinds like the Africa flies - they are NOT afraid of people. You walk up to them they fly all up in your face. I gotta admit. I ran. I ran like a little girl.

F'in birds. I knew I hated them.

So then we headed down to Suakin (an old port city) and I made the driver stop because there were these doot doot camels by the side of the road - so we go running out of the bus to "pet" the animals while the Sudanese stayed in the bus .... and then we figured out why. Turns out, (and this may come as a shock to many of you) camels that are not being ridden by someone are not friendly. Write that down in case you come upon some doot doot baby camels and decide to run up and pet them. I'm doing you all a service here. Camels, although they look all doot doot and fluffy, in reality = scary shit!!

Once again, I have relearned the most valuable lesson: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TOUCH NATURE OR LET NATURE TOUCH YOU.

This was someone's fishing boat. Although it looks all picturesque and all - it kinda smells like ass. I fully believe that if the Nat Geo Magazines had a scratch-n-sniff option, then world travel would not be so popular. Although, to be fair, as this was pretty much day three - I'm sure I was not smelling like a rose by this time either.

So then I found where most of the smell was coming from - THIS was washed up on the shore - there were actually quite a few of them - not very big, and I don't know why - I assume (of course) it was one of the killing ones like the one that killed Steve Irwin - but I can't prove it. Naturally, I totally searched high and low for a stick so I could poke it ( because that is what you do when you find dead stuff on the beach, you poke it with a stick...DOOY) - but alas, there wasn't one - Stupid Dessert!!! Our Sudanese guide picked up that tail part and wanted me to poke it with that, but SHEEESH! My God man! that's unsanitary!!! However, I was really pissed that I couldn't find a damn stick. How are you supposed to poke at dead stuff if you don't have a stick??

Next time, I will not be unprepared.

This was the old Port City that was constructed completely out of coral from the sea (my dive instructor would be PISSED if he saw that!) and it has been crumbling down for ages. The guide was giving us all the historical info on the place, however, when we got there he told us all about the local legends that the cats that live there are all allegedly possessed by demons and you are not supposed to kick them or mistreat them because you'll get all cursed. So I was totally watching the kitties - and believe me, there were like 700,000 of them....all black and huge (seriously, like a mix of lion and kitty - even the dingos were scared!!! And no, I'm sure they're not really DINGOS per se, but they looked like dingos and they skirted the edges of this place, which only reinforced my assuredness that those were BAD KITTIES) so -- long story short - I didn't pay attention.

I needed to make sure that kitty didn't get me! PLUS, there were all kinds of signs about how you couldn't be there after 7 pm and I was all contemplating about how the kitties eat the tourists if they are there after 7 pm, and then was eyeing the Sudanese guides to see if they were luring us to this place so they could leave us there after 7 pm....You know....normal shit.

So then we flew back last night. While in the airport VIP lounge (God I love being a diplomat in times like this) Christina taught me the word for Hooker in Arabic - So then, like a child who just learned his first swear word and the inlaws show up - I was repeating it multiple times (in what turned out to be a very loud voice) in the lounge and as we got on the plane. However, there were a BUNCH of people who were returning from the Ummrah Hajj who didn't think my grasp of Arabic was appropriate - although, my short sleeved smelly blouse and capri pants probably didn't help either... So we pretty much got the stink eye all the way home.

However, I had a great time, and I've already had the poop ear bitches! I am impervious to your stink eye!

(I did however, shower for approximately 72 minutes when I got home...just to be sure...)