Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Dirt Gets in Your Eyes

And your nose, and your mouth, and your ....well, you know. In fact, I wish the camera could capture it - but there is literally an orange haze INSIDE the house because apparently this dirt penetrates windows, walls, and clothing! As a matter of fact, if it were up to me (which it is not, fyi and that, my friends, is a tragedy) I would categorize this damn dirt as a new form of biological weapon sent to make me crazy, filthy and disgusting. Now granted, I realize that some of you (Darsden) think I am whine-ey (how the hell do you spell that!?) However, I submit to you, EXHIBIT A:

This is the view from my bedroom - it is the middle of the day - no, the camera is shitty, but it is not out of focus and fuzzy, that is literally DIRT in the air. This is also AFTER the haboob passed the night before.

So then I walk into my bathroom to find THIS which I am attaching here as EXHIBITS B and C:

And before you go all accusey on me of being a slovenly pig; my housekeeper came yesterday! She JUST cleaned it! That shit is disgusting. (AND, it forced ME to clean stuff, which is why I hired a damn housekeeper in the first place - so I didn't have to do that shit!!)

So then, I go out to my car and find EXHIBITS D and E:

And finally, Exibit F (what letter are we on?)


So to further educate you on my justification for this rant, let me further explain: I was woken up this morning because the Embassy was doing a radio check, but I was seriously confused by what time it looked darkish outside, as if it were still like then I get all on my high horse. WTF the RSO's office!?! HOW DARE THEY disturb my sleep -- wait, why I am not that tired??...

So I start to get ready for work, all the while rehearsing my speech I intend to deliver to the RSO about how I understand about your security concerns and all, but 0500?!?!...COME ON! Everybody knows that terrorists sleep in at least until the noon prayers. I mean, to do anything else would be uncivilized....But then I look at the clock and realize that SHIT! I'm late for work.

The sunshine failed me. So now I have to be NICE to the RSO because God only knows what time I would have awoken if not for the stupid radio check! And you KNOW how I hate to get off myh high horse. I dearly love it up there.....
Again!? WTF SUDAN!?!?

In addition to the Stink Eye and Poop Ear, I am now clearly going to get the Lung-Loo and dreadlocks. I can't get CLEAN!! On the sorta plus side, however, I now appear as if I have a nice tan - it is dirt coating my skin, mind you - but if you stand far enough away - and you disregard the stringy, dingy hair that I have scraped back into a pony tail, you'd think I'd been on a nice little beach vacation.

I mean sure so I literally have dirt in my teeth and it kinda makes a crunchy sound...and sure, my eyes are becoming mud-rimmed with little sand dunes in the corners of them...But it's ALL GOOD.

Why? Because I've been told that this is just the beginning...that this was actually a very small haboob for Sudan. Why it only canceled flights and internet service for one day; this was nothing!

So I've got bigger and better haboobs to look forward to -- and, therefore, YOU guys have so many more bitching and whining posts to look forward to reading..... You see, I see it like this - if I'm not happy - NOBODY'S HAPPY!

Besides, how would you know how good you guys all have it if I didn't illustrate to you how thankful you should be for your current situation. I'm doing a community service here people!!!

I know, I'm such a good person sometimes. No need to thank me.


tera said...

Um, so now I need to provide you with a shower as well as the chocolate margaritas?

otin said...

I hate to say it, but it really looks like it sucks there, will you be coming back to the States in the forseeable future? I think I'd prefer a snow storm.

Beth said...

Snow does sound better than dirt. So, is all your food crunchy? And how does dirt help with the taste?

Hit 40 said...

I hate to go all advicey on you.... but I think the dirt is coming in through the air conditioner ducts. I would put a thin piece of cloth over the vent to allow of course the very necessary cold air in but to also filter out the dirt. If you have time wet the cloth before placement a couple times a time... you can tack the clothes up over the vent with tacks or if nothing else a stapler just to try it a day.

Do any of the stores sell air purifiers? Can you buy one to have sent to you? I would not want to sleep breathing the dirty poopy air!!!

Deb said...

good lord... and here i thought my trip home this weekend was hell. clearly, it was missing the requisite coating of sand.

yikes, girl.

Gaston Studio said...

Ooooh, remember those sand storms all too well. Actually, Hit40 gave very good advice and think you should give it a shot; a nicely patterned kaffiyeh would do the trick and you might start a trend!

Just to make it clear, the shot is for the a/c NOT the RSO!

Hit 40 said...

And... there is more..

How much power are you allowed?? maybe a couple purifiers.

For the cloth, I would use cheesecloth like you bake with... I am sure you have some cheesecloth around your kitchen to strain the broth (LMAO!!!) Seriously it would work...

I have screwed with the temperature at my high school raising and lowering it a few degrees by putting either a bag of ice or a candle warmer on the thermostat. I can be very ingenious when needed!!!

Anonymous said...

that's why God put me here in the East Coast and not in the Sudan. I would have freaked out also and would not have slept until everything was clean to include all my clothes and bed sheets because I'm OCD like that.

Ok so don't feel bad if I don't come visit now ok?

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

Picturing you with cheesecloth and stapler, lol! No seriously, that is a brilliant idea, let me know if you need cheesecloth sent to you :). I would think anything gauzey would work, I probably didn't spell that right. Loosely woven fabric or even first aid gauze you use to wrap wounds. Surely, you are stocked up on first aid gauze!!!?

Amanda said...

This is my new favorite blog. Your adventure entertains me to no end!

marathoner81 said...

Holy crap! My BF and I considered moving to Dubai last year (he was interviewing for a teaching position) but then decided not to go. Sometimes I regret not going, but looking at all that sand...I'm not sure if I could have handled it!

Heidi said...

Wow! That would really freak my husband out.(he does most of the cleaning around here)
Do some people wear masks when outside, or for that matter,inside?

Michel said...

Tera: haha! Just the margarita, thank you. To shower would only make mud....

Otin: I get to visit, but am here for the foreseeable future -- UNLESS (of course) Sudan finds this blog and kicks me out. That is quite possible.

Beth: I miss snow.

Hit 40: That IS a good idea. I will try it.

Deb: haha! You should consider a plane ticket for an "extreme vacation" for those that plague you. It would be money well spent.

Jane: I knew you would empathize. I just happen to have quite a few of those gauzey kafiyahs...

Hit 40: you are assuming a functioning ac unit. ha!

Mrs. K: Trust me, my feelings will not be hurt. I wouldn't put you through that!

Toni: haha! as I told your mom, amazingly enough, I got some gauzey stuff already. (that is the new appropriate spelling.)

Amdanda; HA! Do me a favor, don't ever tell me when it is no longer your favorite! That day will certainly come..hahah

Marathoner81: Oh Dubai is fab - too commercial and sterile for my taste, but it is NOTHING like this. My cousin took a job as a nanny for an ex-pat there. She loved it for about 2 weeks (but then she probably takes after me and has the attention span of a 3 year old.)

Heidi: The people at the airport are wearing masks, but that is to protect themselves from the americans arriving in country likely toting the swine flu in their luggage - No, the locals are used to it.

Kathy B! said...

Holy bathtub ring, that is NASTY! And what is a haboob?! I'm new around here... Did this haboob thing cause all that dirt or does this just happen?!

I'm going to go snuggle with my dustbunnies and tell them how much I love them now. They're looking mighty good in comparison!

blognut said...

Haboob? Seriously? That's what it's called?

Just for the record, I don't see what's wrong with the bathtub and sink. Mine look like that all the time; pretty much whenever my son is finished using either one. Especially during baseball season.

Hey, wait! Does haboob mean baseball?

Susan said...

What does it say about me that my house pretty much looks like that all the time? Except for the part of the floor beneath the vacuum cleaner that's never moved out of the hallway.

Michel said...

Kathy: Haboob is what the Sudanese call a big mo-fo sandstorm. I love that word.

Blognut: I KNOW! it is very hard to be serious when people say Haboob. It is almost painful for me in meetings not to burst out laughing. It might be my new fav word.

It might also be the arabic name of your sons. I cannot be sure.

Susan: HAHAHA. HILARIOUS. It cannot possibly be that bad, but I certainly can relate.

Jason, as himself said...

Haboob? I see I'm not the only one amused by this word.

This sounds AWFUL? It would drive me nutzo.

How long are you guys going to live there?

Hit 40 said...

Thank you for the pics today! You made me glad to be a math teacher! I am hitting prom this weekend. Must paint my toenails. The kiddos love to see their teachers there

CarrieAnn said...

I hate getting Lung Loo. Just hate it.

jb said...

Michel, I love you and this line cracked me right up so funny,

But 0500?!?!...COME ON! Everybody knows that terrorists sleep in at least until the noon prayers. I mean, to do anything else would be uncivilized....

Hahahahahaha again you made me pee a little in my PJ's stop it now or I'll have to send you a JB haboob...easy on the ha and heavy on the boob little lady.

I love your posts. You’re such a great story teller you keep it up or I will come out there.

Lastly I've got to say I love the finally you took the words right out of my head hahhahahaah....

You see, I see it like this - if I'm not happy - NOBODY'S HAPPY!

Besides, how would you know how good you guys all have it if I didn't illustrate to you how thankful you should be for your current situation? I'm doing a community service here people!!!

I know I’m such a good person sometimes. No need to thank me.

Lots of love and huggs

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Haboob! How can such a fun word be so awful! That's just wrong.

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

Wow. Just came to your blog (from Jason's blog) and am truly amazed by the "dirt issue".
I really can't imagine.

And it's very fine dirt, yes?

No wonder you have a halo above your head on the little graphic below.... I think I would be near-POSTAL if I had to live with that level of dirt.
I hope the wet-cheesecloth idea works.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Wow, I wonder how I'd fair in Sudan with my gas permeable contact lenses. I'd probably be in tears 3/4 of the time, and then I'd be MUCh whinier than YOU!!