Okay, so since Jane publically outted me on the last post - I will come clean: I am an alcoholic. Well, that and today IS my birthday. Luckily, it did not fall upon Mother's Day this year (Lucky for my mother, mind you because NOTHING cancels MY DAY...NOTHING!)
In fact, not sure if I've spouted this before, but I literally planned my wedding day around my Mother's birthday - this is how petty and childish I am. Every 4 years (or so, you guys know I can't do math, stop holding me to facts!!! SEE TITLE OF BLOG FOR GOD'S SAKE!) my birthday is RUINED by stupid Mother's Day. Ruined I tell you...RUINED! Why? (Oh, I'll tell you why, I'm just getting started!) Because I had to SHARE my special day with my stupid mother. (Okay, maybe stupid is going too far, the woman is really smart and actually very kind and generous -- AND she put up with me until she couldn't take it anymore and booted me to the curb. I believe her exact words were, "Michel, I love you as if I were your mother...you are 32 years old. Would you GET MARRIED ALREADY??" -- the GET OUT part was totally implied..but you guys see it, RIGHT?)
So, I believe it was the age of 7 that I first decreed that I was going to ruin her birthday. She laughed. In my head -- well, technically the people in my head -- I was going, "Oh, you laugh now lady....we'll see who laughs last!" And my evil plot was hatched.
Josh had no say in the matter. Mom or Dad had no say in the matter. The inlaws had no say in the matter. I WAS DETERMINED to carry out my evil plans....
Her day was going down.
There was no stopping me. I was undeterred - even when I realized that my wedding day would be on a Thursday -- a school night, if you will -- even when the minster who was providing the pre-marital counseling told me that he "couldn't work with me" although he had two whole years in which to train me (I blame Catholic School for that one!) and even when one of my BFF's Brandy pointed out that she was due to give birth on that day -- I told her, "Look Lady, I'm sorry. You're just going to have to work with me here." (SELFISH! I know!! How rude is that?!? She's totally ruining my day with her baby due date. Beckett is forever on my list. )
Anyway, so I literally did it. I got married on her birthday so that she could see how it feels to have your day taken away from you -- What I didn't count on is this:
She didn't care! (Dooh!)
The woman ruined everything by being sweet and generous and not even mentioning her stupid birthday -- I even gave her a piece of cake (tee hee) -- although, to be fair, my bridesmaids were warned that there better be a damn piece of cake for me (because I have been to too many weddings where the bridal party doesn't get any -- and this is an OUTRAGE) so they had amassed literally 10 pieces (and my dear sweet Josh even saved me one) so I did have some to spare -- in case you were thinking I was all kind and giving there for a moment. (Not so much).
So anyway, today I spent my special day at work (although Blondie in the office brought me in a whole tray of mini-cupcakes! Which, everybody knows that 30 mini-cupcakes = one regular cupcake. Therefore, I had two cupcakes. WHAT!? It's MY DAMN DAY!)
I also received a letter noting that I was a "spacial girl" - which I can only assume is an Arab way of calling me fat. There's a lotta space in that there pantsuit. I officially hate foreigners (again).
Do you think it was the 60 mini-cupcakes??
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
13 hours ago