EVERYBODY REMAIN CALM!!!

The Mail came today. (I believe I have mentioned how I feel about mail day before) And I know that I have a tiny tendency to (maybe) overreact to things - to potentially (maybe) think things are either better or worse than they really are in reality (maybe). SOMETIMES.

However, TODAY WAS THE BEST DAY EVER!!

Did you hear me?! I said EVER!

Little Debbie got her Visa!!!

Okay, maybe not as good as my wedding day (although, frankly Little Debbie wasn't invited to that day - I was still trying to fit into my dress up until that particular day -- and yes, as it turns out, it is UNPOSSIBLE to lose 25 pounds in 10 days - write that down for your future planning efforts -- May God Bless the A-line cut.)

So I walk out to my car - unsuspecting, right? because it's Monday (and you know how we've gone over that mail comes on random days at random times, but heretofore NEVER on a Monday) so I totally didn't see it coming...

I open the car door and sitting there on the seat is a box from my PARENTS! (oh thank you God! - and mom and dad) and then I do a little happy dance and jump up into the seat (which you really shouldn't do when you are wearing a skirt and you have black leather seats that have been sitting in the sun...I'm just sayin...for safety reasons, you know) and then I go to reverse out of my parking spot and I notice something out of the corner of my eye ...

THERE ARE MORE BOXES IN THE BACK SEAT.

I'm talking 4s of boxes -- in 4s of different shapes and sizes!!! So I drive home in a happy fog - I barely noticed the jackasses driving on the wrong side of the road toward you because they don't think they should have to go around to a section of road where they can cross to the other side...I barely see the damn Tuk-Tuks just driving across traffic in front of you because they just assume your brakes will work to stop your 50,000 pound, fully armored car that is traveling at approximately 70 mph (because there is no speed limit - FINALLY! Something about which to praise Sudan!) with the sound track to Mamma Mia! playing on your Ipod over the radio -- sure. No problem.

You just swerve, almost hit a truck, take out a fruit stand, you know - same ole, same ole...but hey! It's not your car, right?

No biggidy.

So I rush into my house, realize that the AC is not now, and likely has not been working for the last 8 hours - however, this does not break my stride -- I'm on my way to the kitchen to get a knife and tear open these boxes!

I open my parents' box first - because I KNOW it has got to be good - I SPECIFICALLY requested chocolatty goodness...

They sent mother f'in peeps.

Damnitt DADDY!

Not to be daunted, I remove the layer of brown gravy mixes (don't ask - my dad thinks I need them...) and found cookies! HOORAY! I search a little bit more and there she is...in all her glory...

LITTLE DEBBIE. (My God how I love thee!!)

Someone should contact the company and tell them that they need to put a little halo over her little Debbie head - In fact, I may pop over to the Embassy of the Holy See and demand that they put her in for a sainthood. (You can just nominate someone for that, right? How the hell does that work?? Is there a criteria? ) I can just see it now, Saint Debbie - Patron saint of soft fluffy goodness...her symbol? A little swiss roll you wear around your neck.

I'd totally pray to her for intervention! HECK! let's be honest here. I do that already.

So I contemplate tearing into the box right then and there...but then I pause. stop. think. I should really freeze that shit. I mean, if I open it right now, it'll (a) be all melty and could potentially lose some of the chocolatty goodness on the wrapper (and abomination!); and (b) if they are frozen, I may be able to control myself from eating the whole box at once. Little Debbie does not have a multiple entry visa - she cannot come and go as she pleases (until, I assume, she gets her sainthood) so I must ration these out carefully. Is this worth of a little debbie moment? Is it that special?

(So now I hoard food. Is anyone a psychiatrist? This is normal right?? )

Anyway, but that was not it!! I KNOW! How can one girl be so very blessed? (and so very damn hot in this house?! WTF GSO! get your ass out here and fix this!)

I had a box from HIT 40!!! I am also considering submitting her name for sainthood; however, it might be awkward to explain that I don't actually KNOW her full name...No, actually, your holiness, I'm not really sure what she looks like...How do I know her? Well...it's like this...well...I mean, she puts snotty comments on my blog? What's a blog? Well, nevermind...anyway, she clearly feel bad about her behavior -- so she can't be all bad, right? Plus, the woman knows math. That has to count for SOMETHING right? because God knows you're never gonna use that shit in real life...right??

So God Bless Mom and Dad and Hit 40 at Sane Without Drugs, who coincidentally sends care packages without drugs too...

Actually, I'm hoping the biscotti is made with fresh Adderall....A girl can dream!