Monday, May 11, 2009

My Prayers Have Been Answered!!!

Not only did God stop the smoting -- I was able to move into my new house yesterday!! I have AC, I have a stove that was not made in 1962 (rather, I've got AT LEAST a mid-90s model...we're cooking with fire here people), the Haboob seems to have passed and left behind it cool (circa 90 degree) weather, AND -- as if it could get any better -- I now have my OWN internet connection, so I am no longer stealing services!!!

Although in hindsight, now I actually have to PAY for the internet connection - when before, I had access it just wasn't in my name! Is that so wrong??

Oh wait...yes, yes it was.

Another little known fact of being slowly poisoned from within by a "salad" you ate...if you spend the whole weekend vomiting and dry heaving - your tummy hurts just as much as it would if you actually exercised. Therefore, I have determined that Bulemia is not an option for me. Yes, if you must know, I have oftentimes wished I could catch it -- Hell! I've caught half of it already - I can binge with the best of them...I'm just not so into the pukey part. That's really not for me.

Therefore, I've moved on. CHECK! off my list. (Again, I'm doing the research for you guys so you don't have to...I know! I give, and I give, and I give.)

You should also know that apparently, it is not allowed to call in sick at the Embassy here because they will just harrass you mercilessly with stupid questions you don't know the answer to, until you finally give in and show up and then tell them in person, "I don't know." (Write that down as public servant complaint number 358)...and while we're at it, I'd like my title to be changed from "Public Servant" to "Public Slave Driver"...I'm not so servey, I'm more of an ordery type of person. Write that down! (SEE?!) )

Anyway, so at work today we were lamenting that we have spent so long with the USG that we are no longer hireable in the commercial world. Seriously, I have thought about this -- more than you guys know -- about what I could possibly be when I grow up. Have you tried to get a job anywhere?? What the hell would I put on my resume? "Told foreigners that ballot rigging was not fair - in very strongly worded language, mind you."

F'in Borders wouldn't even hire me. Hell! I wouldn't hire me!!! Damnitt.

So now I'm forced to just wait out this place and hope the next Haboob (tee hee..that NEVER gets old) is at least a week away. When the sandstorm hits it sounds like you're in the middle of a nuclear attack when the middle (or Nipple of the Haboob, if you will) hits your house. They also seem to be getting stronger and dirtier - even the Sudanese are complaining -- although, they seem to complain as much as me. I am not sure I trust them for their accuracy. They might be a tad on the dramatic side.

Who've they been hanging out with?!?!


blognut said...

I'll hire you. I will. Better yet, let's start our own company.

I can think of nothing worse than being directly in the nipple of a haboob, except for being directly in the middle of a stronger, dirtier haboob. (No that never gets old.) haboob, haboob, haboob! hee hee.

I'm glad you are no longer purging salad pieces. Try to avoid that next time, 'k?

Comedy Goddess said...

All of that in one weekend?! I am very impressed.

darsden said...

LOL, OMG you are on it today. I actually did laugh out..! So, how long are you stuck in the sandstorm or haboob..? do you need me to send you some lettuce?

Char said...

Really! I can't imagine who they been hangin with. Glad you're better and please watch out for those flying nipples!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

You could be a cake taster. Or a chimney sweep....I mean with all that dirt in your teeth experience, right? The possibilities are endless.

Heidi said...

Glad you are feeling better and also in your new home!
I am also great at the binging part of Bulimia, but terrible about the purging. DAMN.

marathoner81 said...

Wooohoooo! Yeah to air conditioning and internet access...even if you have to pay for it! I seem to be able to binge eat too...however I'm not so great at the other part. It just seems to messy and I hate cleaning up messes.

bearer of three said...

lollollol...well congrats on the house..and actually owning your own internet..and bulimia not the best you feel better

otin said...

Nipple of the Haboob!(Otin giggles, for he is so immature)

Hit 40 said...

Congratulations!!! I never thought that they would move you.

When I call off sick, I have to have plans for the substitute. If your really sick!!! WTF!!! I have been so sick with vertigo that I can not lift my head... you want me to round up an appropriate math worksheet for my sick day off??? This is why I have to make friends at work! If I get really sick, I need one of them to copy something for me.

Beth said...

So you have no marketable skills in the *real* world, eh? I wonder if I do?

You got me all a-scared because I like to think I could just leave the education world and work somewhere else. What if no one would hire me?

Man... I probably need to clean up my act. I've been a regular haboob at work lately.

Comedy Goddess said...

Just had to check back to make sure I got that right about what a haboob is. Sure is funny!

Fragrant Liar said...

The only thing worse than a haboob is a heboob. Men shouldn't have those things.

Congrats on being in your new place and having to pay for your own internet. You're growing up, my little cabbage, paying for your own shit. In Sudan. Around the world. See God? She's trying. Stop smoting her.

I think there's a Billy Squier song about that:
Smote me, smote me. Smote! Smote!

Hey, I'm just trying to help you out. Smotee.

Kathy B! said...

Look at that! I think God answered your prayers! You're in your new digs... Woo hoo!

As for what you're going to do when you grow up?! I ask myself that every. single. day. And then I wonder why my kids act so silly. Hmm.

I'm glad the (ha)boob has run it's course. Just get it a bra so it doesn't get saggy.

Jersey Girl said...

I doubt very much you would have a hard time finding a job in the "real world." But, hell, why would you want to?? From the sound of it, I doubt you could adjust to the boredom of a 'regular" job. Thanks for letting us know what a haboob is. Sounds like it might come in handy in solving a crossword puzzle in my future,

CarrieAnn said...

If Borders is out, there is always Barnes and Noble...

Michel said...

Blognut: well, before I run out today and quit my job - please tell me. Do you have dental at our new company? Will there be cake in the breakroom??

CG: It WAS a big weekend. And yet, I feel like I didn't accomplish anything!

Hiedi: nipple....tee hee

Darsden; I'm off the lettuce for good! thank you for offering though. that was "sweet"...besides, I don't trust your "lettuce"

Char: it WAS

SMB: OMG you are RIGHT! I would be the best damn cake taster that EVER LIVED. Well, Liz would be my competition...but still! BRILLIANT!

Heidi: thank you! I have given up my quest for the B!

M81: The first part is always the easiest! I'm just not so good on the follow-thru.

Bear3: why thank you. Yes, too messy.

Otin: tee hee - SEE! It never gets old!

Hit 40: I KNOW! However, I'm kinda glad (in a sick kinda way) that you also have a hard time calling in sick - because my misery always loves company!

Beth: Yes, I always think I should clean up my act - much like my promises to God never to drink or eat the salad again...that too, fades

Fragrant: Thanks a lot! Now I'm singing that stupid son. I actually really like billy squire. Well played!

Kathy B: a HaBra, you say? Interesting....

Jersey: Good point - a regular job might actually make me work, rather than just pretend to....well said!

CarrieAnn: Have you tried getting a job there? That shit is hard!!!

MereCat said...

Glad you are better, and wishing you a haboobless week. (Haboobless! That was pretty fun to say.)

Gaston Studio said...

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday to Michel!!

now I'll go back and read your post

Gaston Studio said...

Thank the Smoter that you're in your new place with AC, an updated stove, net connections and that you're back among the living!

As for a job when you grow up, maybe stand up comedy? I hear they're hiring in Dijibouti.


♥ Braja said...

Non smoting is always a good thing, no? :))

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I'd love to have a Haboob up here in Ottawa. And if for no other reason, just so I could say the word over and over again. Heck, I think I will anyway.

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

Don't hate me because I'm Jane's daughter! I wouldn't have "outed" you. I don't like birthdays and don't like to make a big deal of them.
Glad to hear you're better and moved.