So Minoy and I have been debating (over instant messaging at work - Yes, your tax dollars are going to a worthy cause here - because this issue MUST be solved) for literally a couple of days now and we obviously need a neutral third party to solve this issue.
Allegedly, there is a new vodka (and I know at least one of you out there (who is not you, Minoy! SHEESH!) who claims to be a vodka affictionado) out on the market: Bacon flavored Vodka:
Seriously, I might not have mentioned this before because I've been so cake focused lately, but I LOVE bacon...and I mean, I LOVE it - if it were legal, I would leave Josh and MARRY bacon. (although after the prop 8 fiasco in California, our love may be denied - I think this is technically prop 11, legalization of bacon marriage. It is deep, and it is real. Don't you judge me. )
Bacon just might rival my love of cake.
OMG...I just thought of something?? What would I do is presented with Sophie's Bacon Choice? Bacon or Cake...which one would I choose?? Okay, if we're realistic here, I think we all know I would eat them both and then hide the evidence from Josh -- but I digress.....
So Bacon is fab. And Vodka? WHO DOESN'T LOVE VODKA? There is seriously no drink I like better than a double dirty, ice cold vodka martini with extra olives (are you getting my salt fettish here too??) But Bacon?? Would bacon make it BETTER?
Minoy contends that it would. Her comment to me was, "I can't focus right now. I'm too busy imagining whether I would prefer a bacon flavored martini with a salt/paprika rim....OR....a bloody mary made with bacon vodka garnished w/ a slice of crispy fried bacon instead of a stupid celery stick."
She brings up a valuable point - that DOES sound yummy.
However, back in the day, when we were young and foolish (last summer), Minoy and I went out to this restaurant and we noticed that it had a key lime martini on the menu. Now I'm thinking to myself, its pie, it's martini - its WIN WIN. And it was....it was liquid pie!! It even had a graham cracker rim on the edge. It was, simply put, to die for!! So what would make liquid pie better?? ACTUAL PIE (dooy!). SO then we ordered a key lime pie for "dinner" with our drinks.
Let's just suffice it to say that you CAN have too much pie.
So I contend that Bacon Vodka has potential - but it also has the potential to go so very wrong. Can you imagine what a bacon hangover would be like?! The Trauma you would experience?? If you were in someone else's house (because Josh would never do this) and someone was making bacon for breakfast after you drank bacotinis all night??
OH THE HUMANITY!
Did anyone ever even stop and think what could potentially to happen to the millions of people (read me) who drank vanilla vodka and coke back in the day when it was cool?? And then when they realize that said vanilla vodka and coke is sooo yummy that that innocent person inevitably drinks too much vanilla vodka and coke -- so much so, that the victim in this scenario (whom I am sure is both charming and stunning) can no longer drink or smell the regular or even diet vanilla coke without getting that queasy feeling?
What is the RISK vs gain in this equation for bacon?! CAN WE RISK IT?!
OMG. I just had a BRILLIANT idea - if vodka would make a cake flavored vodka, just THINK of the possibilities!! Because YOU KNOW I'd totally drink the shit out of that, right?? So then, MAYBE, just maybe, I would get that same queasy feeling I now get with vanilla coke and key lime pie (please don't even bring up the appletini, it makes me gag)! THINK ABOUT IT!? We could expand that line to pizza, french fry and cheeseburger vodka.
I may have just cracked the drunken fat pill for pigs like me who cannot do anything in moderation!
I realize you guys are obviously clammoring to provide your comments and effusive praise for my newest get-the-fat-out-without-actually-working-out scheme.
Feel free to send me your thanks in the form of cash donations. I suspect that after work finds this blog, I'm likely going to need a plan B.
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
13 hours ago