Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Great Bacon Debate...

So Minoy and I have been debating (over instant messaging at work - Yes, your tax dollars are going to a worthy cause here - because this issue MUST be solved) for literally a couple of days now and we obviously need a neutral third party to solve this issue.

Allegedly, there is a new vodka (and I know at least one of you out there (who is not you, Minoy! SHEESH!) who claims to be a vodka affictionado) out on the market: Bacon flavored Vodka: Bakon Vodka is a superior quality potato vodka with a savory bacon flavor.

Seriously, I might not have mentioned this before because I've been so cake focused lately, but I LOVE bacon...and I mean, I LOVE it - if it were legal, I would leave Josh and MARRY bacon. (although after the prop 8 fiasco in California, our love may be denied - I think this is technically prop 11, legalization of bacon marriage. It is deep, and it is real. Don't you judge me. )

Bacon just might rival my love of cake.

OMG...I just thought of something?? What would I do is presented with Sophie's Bacon Choice? Bacon or Cake...which one would I choose?? Okay, if we're realistic here, I think we all know I would eat them both and then hide the evidence from Josh -- but I digress.....

So Bacon is fab. And Vodka? WHO DOESN'T LOVE VODKA? There is seriously no drink I like better than a double dirty, ice cold vodka martini with extra olives (are you getting my salt fettish here too??) But Bacon?? Would bacon make it BETTER?

Minoy contends that it would. Her comment to me was, "I can't focus right now. I'm too busy imagining whether I would prefer a bacon flavored martini with a salt/paprika rim....OR....a bloody mary made with bacon vodka garnished w/ a slice of crispy fried bacon instead of a stupid celery stick."

She brings up a valuable point - that DOES sound yummy.

However, back in the day, when we were young and foolish (last summer), Minoy and I went out to this restaurant and we noticed that it had a key lime martini on the menu. Now I'm thinking to myself, its pie, it's martini - its WIN WIN. And it was liquid pie!! It even had a graham cracker rim on the edge. It was, simply put, to die for!! So what would make liquid pie better?? ACTUAL PIE (dooy!). SO then we ordered a key lime pie for "dinner" with our drinks.

Let's just suffice it to say that you CAN have too much pie.

So I contend that Bacon Vodka has potential - but it also has the potential to go so very wrong. Can you imagine what a bacon hangover would be like?! The Trauma you would experience?? If you were in someone else's house (because Josh would never do this) and someone was making bacon for breakfast after you drank bacotinis all night??


Did anyone ever even stop and think what could potentially to happen to the millions of people (read me) who drank vanilla vodka and coke back in the day when it was cool?? And then when they realize that said vanilla vodka and coke is sooo yummy that that innocent person inevitably drinks too much vanilla vodka and coke -- so much so, that the victim in this scenario (whom I am sure is both charming and stunning) can no longer drink or smell the regular or even diet vanilla coke without getting that queasy feeling?

What is the RISK vs gain in this equation for bacon?! CAN WE RISK IT?!

OMG. I just had a BRILLIANT idea - if vodka would make a cake flavored vodka, just THINK of the possibilities!! Because YOU KNOW I'd totally drink the shit out of that, right?? So then, MAYBE, just maybe, I would get that same queasy feeling I now get with vanilla coke and key lime pie (please don't even bring up the appletini, it makes me gag)! THINK ABOUT IT!? We could expand that line to pizza, french fry and cheeseburger vodka.

I may have just cracked the drunken fat pill for pigs like me who cannot do anything in moderation!

I realize you guys are obviously clammoring to provide your comments and effusive praise for my newest get-the-fat-out-without-actually-working-out scheme.

Feel free to send me your thanks in the form of cash donations. I suspect that after work finds this blog, I'm likely going to need a plan B.


blognut said...

I would marry bacon, too! As a matter of fact, I almost licked a picture of bacon earlier today. It's THAT out of control.

So, YES, I would totally drink bacon-flavored vodka even though I swore off vodka about 20 years ago when I forgot my name, address, and sensibilities (read 'how to say no') because of it.

And cake-flavored vodka, or cheeseburger vodka, or french fry vodka are all winners if you ask me. I am salivating now.

blognut said...

And WHERE is Dar lately? I'm feeling unloved.

Of course, I am also first again, so there's that.

Hit 40 said...

Blognut - your right!! no Darsden??? I must go look for her right now!!

I will go have a shot of bacon vodka then search for darsden!! Oh and some chocolate cake with it!! Maybe sprinkle some adderall on top of it all.

Gaston Studio said...

Oh man, do NOT spoil my vodka martinis with anything other than olives. I don't want to even think about this!

Anonymous said...

did you know tha tthere is a new craze- cake made with buttercream/bacon? supposed to be good...but i'm cautious

otin said...

At least if you married bacon, you would not feel so bad calling your Hubby a pig! LOL!

darsden said...

I was here :-)

Suzy said...

I'd even start drinking again for that!

Beth said...

LOL at Otin!

Seriously, we found a stray cat once and named him Burnt Bacon. We called him Bacon for short. And a martini that tastes like that cat does not sound good.

But if it is vodka, I'm willing to try it.

tera said...

Ok. I'm all about vodak. Vanilla vodka. And the Orange vodka. And I LOVE-LOVE-LOVE the Grape vodka Secret Agent Man found me (tastes like grape, not made from grape, and it's like a Grape Popsicle grape, not grape on the vine. I like it a little...can you tell?) and I even like the Chocolate flavored vodka (can you mix those two to make cake flavored vodka?) but I think you have gone too far with the Bacon vodka.
I'll eat bacon pretty much any way you cook it. But Bacon vodka is just wrong. Next thing you know you'll be going on about tuna flavored vodka.
But hey, knock yerself out. I'm sure you'll tell us about it later! :)

Fragrant Liar said...

You know, I just get hammered so easy on that stuff. I mean, I like it in the morning, cuz they say it's the breakfast of champions, right? But really, it's the breakfast of addicts like me. So . . . I'm quitting bacon. I may continue with the vodka though.

marathoner81 said...

I would give a bactini a shot...hell I'll try anything twice.

Comedy Goddess said...

I have a hangover now. And it smells like Bacon around here. I need to go on a juice and water fast.

Gaston Studio said...

Left you something at my place; please come by to pick up.

Don't panic! Hardly anything at all to do!

Michel said...

So what I hear you all saying (and I didn't actually READ what you guys said) is that I was right and Minoy was wrong.


I don't even need to read it to know that!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

By, I think you've got it. Can you see if they can add cookie vodka and brownie vodka to the list too? That would really be a service to me. Oh and cheese. Did you say cheese? Crap, now I have to go back and read again. I really need to pay better attention.

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

This is what I get for not being caught up on blog reading. Now I get the whole bacon vodka comment. Disgusting! Is all I have to say :).

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I would buy bacon vodka, because bacon is my favourite food group, and vodka ... well,need I explain it? I too would marry bacon if I could, and we'd drink vodka at our wedding, Mr. Bacon and I. And have lots of little tiny bacon vodka babies.