Friday, May 15, 2009

So You See, The Truth is a Funny Thing...

Jane at Gaston Studios tagged me to complete a particularly difficult task for me; I'm supposed to post two truths and a lie, then you guys are supposed to guess which one is the lie -- and WHY -- and then I am supposed to come clean a few days later....

Now I have a few problems with this tasking:

(a) define "truth";
(b) why should I have to come clean? It's really not my way; and
(c) I really don't like multiple questions or requirements in one question because you KNOW that someone is going to just go - #1 is a big fat freakin lie....but no why...so what if #1 IS a lie, do they get credit for this?? Do they get partial credit? WHO GRADES THIS!? Is it graded on a curve?? And, more importantly...How do I ensure that I end up the winner??

Obviously, Jane's instructions were faulty (see Beth's blog, she totally had to switch it up too....This time, it's not just me!) However, just this once, I have decided to follow the rules (except please note that I did not actually READ the rules, except for that first part where she said to tell 2 true things and 1 big fat lie. )

Therefore, YOU also have to follow the rules, if you don't say WHY - you don't win (and therefore, I do). Please also note that a failure to answer the question completely will result in my submission of your email address to every NGO here in Sudan with a note that you expressed interest in helping others, and wanted someone to contact you - please add this person to your daily mailing list.... (Don't think I won't do it. They don't call me Biatch for nothing!)

(1) I once wrote a letter to Nabisco to complain that the "Double Stuf" Oreos were spelled wrong and that it was driving me crazy! In addition, I noted that when compared in a side-by-side test with traditional oreos, they were also not technically DOUBLE stuffed....in fact, they were barely stuffed more at all -- and who did they think they were fooling?!?! And then I asked what the hell was in the "stuf" anyway...I even looked up how to send it to them (and then realized I could send it via email on their customer service link - so I did it that way.)

I am still awaiting their response. I suspect they are too humiliated to face me just yet and are thinking of a way to spin it in their favor.

(2) I was kicked out of girl scouts at the age of 9 for dishonorable conduct while I was at girl scout camp. The troop leader (who was a big fat meanie, FYI) told me that she was going to send my name and address to the Girl Scout HQS in Washington DC so that they could put me on a list that would ensure that I could NEVER re-join the Scouts again...my mom had to come and get me. My God, she was PISSED. (However, in my defense, they had us making wallets!!!)

When I applied for my job, I was worried that they would check with the scouts and I wouldn't get the job.... Turns out, however, the girls scouts do not keep a list of naughty girls. ha HA! Fatty McBitches-a-LOT! Who's laughing now?!?!?....

(3) My husband is 10 years younger than me. (We're waay trendy! Very Demi and Ashton....And yet he acts like a damned grandpa, lecturing me about how I need to plan for my retirement, pay off our mortgage quickly, and give to the church and the poor...I KNOW! That's totally crazy talk....)

So, although it totally hurt me to do so, TWO of those are true....I know...I'm a freak.

But I suspect you already knew that!

18 comments:

Gaston Studio said...

I think the lie is #1 because I don't think you take the time to write to Oreo's headquarters and furthermore, don't think you'd even care about the correct spelling. Even tho I think you'd be suspicious about the contents of the filling, I suspect, if you liked it, you'd just eat it and not worry about the ingredients.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!
Jane

Gaston Studio said...

Sorry, I meant to say: "don't think you WOULD take the time"

darsden said...

LOL dammit Michel YOU never play by the rules.. after I moved through all the bitching Good God Woman can ya speak in a normal tone for once and not soooo crabby LOL any way I think number three is the lie.. I can see blasting for lack of stuf! That is sooo you to get kicked out of girl scouts..wallets yep you were in the boy scouts camp and got kicked out for that! LOL

darsden said...

wooohooo beat blognut today yay me...

darsden said...

Gaston got two so I am going for three comments

Hit 40 said...

#2 is the lie. The girl scouts would never kick anyone out. They would love even you Michel.

I am glad to see that you are also so OCD that you would write Nabisco to get them to correct the spelling for us. And... congratulations on the young hubby!!!

otin said...

Either #1 is a lie or you are teetering on the edge of insanity! Did you fret over nutter butters also? LOL!

Bon Don said...

#2 is the lie! or #3... oh I don't know I'm confused now....

lakeviewer said...

Michel, if we start doubting you, your facts and observations, we're in for a long evening. With your wit, anything you say is both cleverly true, and possibly irrevocably questionable.

That's why it's fun to read your blog.
Thanks for following mine.

Beth said...

I think they are all true! BUT if I had to pick one, I'd pick #2. I have no doubt that part of #2 is true.

As for those Double Stuf Oreos, I only eat that stuff in Blizzards.

blognut said...

I totally think you got kicked out of Girl Scouts because I DID TOO! Really.

I say Josh is younger than you are, but probably also more mature. :)

So you didn't actually write a letter to Nabisco about Oreos. Why? Because you would just use the fact that the stuf isn't really double the ordinary stuf as an excuse to eat twice as many cookies and you probably wouldn't bother to complain about that at all. You'd holler 'Bonus' and move on with your day.

lisa said...

I got kicked out of Girl Scouts, too. We should form a club because I see that Blognut is also banned.

Yeah, I'm Still Here... said...

Ok this is tough!

You totally could have suffered a lapse in judgment because of the sugar overload you suffered while chowing down 2 whole stinkin' bags of Oreo's and sent off an OCD rant to Nabisco!

I believe you got kicked out of girl scouts. Why not, all the cool kids do it!

And without a doubt you are the trendiest trend-setter EVER!

So my guess... Well I guess I'll go with #3. Don't worry though, I still think you are super-duper trendy, just not 10 years worth.

Char said...

#3 is a lie. I can't see you actually being lectured by anyone, much less by a mere child-groom.

I totally believe #1 is the truth because you are a Lil Ms Debbie pro and know what you demand in sweet junk food.

As for #2, I can see you getting kicked out of the scouts....but cannot imagine you making billfolds (or even license plates)!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I say #1. I think that you definitely had all those Oreo observations and swore you were goint to write them but didn't.

Girl Scouts persona non grata. I can see that.
That one was just too good to not be true.

#3 is quite believable. BTW, my mother (who was 11 years older than my father) always said, "If you get them young enough, you can raise them the way you want them."

marathoner81 said...

This is too much work for me. I'm going to wait until you come clean to decided.

Deb said...

i am with beth... i think regardless of which is the technical lie, there is probably a bit of truth in all of them. i see you taking on both the girl scouts and nabisco. and please, you are so delightful and sexy, what young man wouldn't want you??

but, since i am assuming you are in fact following the rules and one isn't true, i'll go with #2.

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

Again, as I stated on Beth's blog, I haven't looked at the answer. I'm a little behind in my blog reading, but couldn't resist checking out your two truths and a lie. I was convinced you would be the one posting 2 lies and 1 truth, I was shocked to see Beth steal your spotlight, that's so up your alley.

I think #3 is the lie. I can totally see you doing #1. I was stumped between 2 and 3, but chose #3 because I don't think the girl scouts would react like that.