Okay, so tonight I went to the Chinese National Day here in Khartoum. I mean, I knew it was coming, I figured this would happen -- I chose shoes with lower heels -- BUT DAMNITT! I was (once again) a freakish giant.
WTF PEOPLE!? I'm 5'9" tall (Do your own math, I can't be trying to convert to the metric system -- I'm traumatized here!!!) It's not like I'm headed for the world record for tallness - In Montana I'm of average height - however, in DC, I'm effin tall -- But at Chinese National Day? I think I might have prompted the Chinese mission here to make a quick call to the Japanese Embassy to see if Mothra was on the loose! We're lucky Josh has not arrived yet...although he is not uber tall, once he gets here he will be the Godzilla to my Mothra. It's no wonder our relations with China are strained. They're all petite and adorable and I'm ....Let's just say, I'm NOT.
How humiliating is that?! Someone needs to send some damn whole milk to China!! I cannot continue to walk around town like this. I really hate to be referred to as that "big girl" over in the corner. (YES, I do realize I should not be in the corner but Damnitt, WTF?! Work with me here people!!!)
PLUS, (In keeping with the adding insult to injury theme of the evening ) there was press there (once again) and I live in fear that I am going to be on the Sudanese equivalent of "People" magazine and I"ll be the one they're claiming was the fashion don't with the big ole black box over their eyes - oh, we'll all know who it is. Isn't that MICHEL? OMG! That is soo hilarious (if you are not Michel)!!!
PLUS, the Embassy driver took me to the function tonight, and when getting out of the vehicle (onto the red carpet which SHOULD have been a cool thing) I ran my nylons on the running board. So then I had to walk up the red carpet and into the function with a big ole hole in my stockings.
Oh yes, you heard me. The person who represented the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA had runs in her nylons -- and they were NOT fashionably placed! U-effing-ganda is laughing at us right now!!! UGANDA PEOPLE!
That is NOT right...
I am so sorry you guys. the US of A is now a laughing stock in Khartoum. My stockings have derailed US policy. I don't even know what to do about this, other than what I did - which was yell "LIAR!" throw some business cards off to the side and run away.
What!? You got a better idea????
The Very Best Day
5 hours ago