Saturday, September 5, 2009

Today, My Glass is Half-Empty!

Damnitt Sudan! It is LABOR DAY WEEKEND! What the hell is wrong with you guys?? Granted, I'm not really seeing much "labor" on other days , but you would think that you would really get behind this holiday (much like myself who also does not actually labor the rest of the year) and celebrate the shit out of it by resting. And when I say "resting," I mean resting from Ramadan and giving me some damn food! Let's face it! Three days on my own, unattended, and with nobody to offer me suggestions, I simply sit in my house and think about how hungry I am, but how I really don't want to cook anything! -- Ergo, I'm on day 2 of peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Not that they are not good and all - they were - however, now they kinda make me want to gag.

Also, what the hell is with the scratchy bread?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO IT?? It feels like you're eating a Brillo pad, which special chunks of rock thrown in for good measure. I assume you do the same kinda stuff we did in my family whenever dad would make spaghetti -- if you were unlucky enough to get the whole bay leaf, you had to do the dishes (Although now that I am out of the house and they are no longer the boss of me, I think I can safely say that there was more than one time I fed that shit to our dog in a lump of spaghetti. She had no idea. Her tummy told us later, mind you -but it was fool proof because there was more than one leaf in that sauce! Ha HA Mel. Suckah!) -- this little memory of me plotting, planning and implementing my plans makes me wonder when it was that I went from trying to take over the world, to lazy person who hates people and simply bitches about stuff? Hmmm...oh well. Guess we'll never know.

Back to my bitching...

Why the hell is America the only country that can make a coffee cup that is decent sized!? And when I say decent, I mean gallon sized. The size that coffee should be served in. I mean we count our daily serving in pots, right?? I do believe that the doc asked me how many cups of coffee I have a day and I converted my answer into pots for him. It's simply too difficult for him to have to do the math and figure out the accepted answer. 3 pots sounds so much better, don't you think??

PLUS, Please stop serving me hot drinks in small juice glasses! OR, because I'm not irrational, if you do not have access to "cups" (probably because of the sanctions, I can only assume or else why the hell would you put yourselves through that?), please invent some sort of finger pot-holder thingey so that I can retain what has not been burned off of my fingerprints from trying to drink your hot drinks.

And finally (for now), What the hell is this?



These are NOT dates! (Although it could be that dates are not the things I think they are - which is entirely possible.) I mean, it kinda tasted like a date at first, but then had this hideously crunchy sour inside! WTF fruit and veggie man!? What am I supposed to do with this??

Also, could you please be a lamb and make sure the stuff I buy is washed and bundled and could you attach some sort of sticker to them for me? I am not really sure, but I'm almost positive that placing some sort of label makes the stuff better. It's not just you, Mr. Veggie Man, just like like Mr. Meat Seller-Man (do you know him?) that I found not far from you on that one street with the Giant pile of burned up tires.... I also asked him to ensure that my meat is put on Styrofoam and wrapped in plastic wrap, with a price tag stuck to it...

I also made him promise that none of my meat would actually look like what it was...We had a very awkward moment there when he tried to sell me a leg of lamb that still had its feet attached. I think we both would like to forget that day ever happened!

I wonder if there is any peanut butter left??

12 comments:

blognut said...

Ummm... Michel? You know I love you and all, right? But this post is begging me to ask a burning question.

ON WHAT DAY WAS YOUR GLASS EVER HALF-FULL?

Susan said...

Well, shit. I have a truck load of those non-date things and I was going to put them in your care package. And no label. Sigh. I'll find something else.

blognut said...

Where the hell is Dar?

Mango Girl said...

No regular size coffee cups over there, but isn't it 10 gazillion times stronger (asks the chick who doesn't drink coffee)?

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I have no problem eating meat but do not like to be reminded of the animal in its original form. Ewwwww. Legs? Totally not cool!

otin said...

What the hell are those yellow things? Did you actually eat them? You are brave!!!

tera said...

Um....you get to come home when?

dizzblnd said...

those look like they might be goat testicles.

Really? You ate them? Blech.. Ok everyone.. apparently she has run out of Little Debbies.. we need to send her more

Suburban Correspondent said...

Sand...sand in the bread....the ancient Egyptians all had ground-down teeth because their food was so sandy...

Fun fact of the day!

♥ Braja said...

Aw, c'mon, are we back to that no-cultured American coffee thing again?? :)))

Honey, those are...ahem...nude dates. Raw. Buck naked. As natural as the day they were born. And yes, we prefer the fat, juicy, dried ones :))

Gaston Studio said...

LOL, reminded me of when I first saw a butcher shop in Cairo. Yuk! It took forever to figure out what the 'cuts' were and mentally switch them to the way we cut meat in the good old US of A! Plus the smell was just awful, so I feel for you, my friend, about the meat shop anyway.

Hit 40 said...

.... I didn't read the other comments. But you do remember your hidden stash of little debbies in the freezer??? I bet they are all long gone. :-(