Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Damnitt! That was WINTER!?

So the last few weeks were relatively cool...I think one day it was even in the low 90s at night. You could walk around outside and not feel like you were going to die, and in my book (the current one, not the book I had in DC) that's some kind of wonderful!!

The sad, sad part of this story is that apparently that was Sudan's winter. Today it was back up to 42 degrees celsius - and although I still have not managed to figure out what that means to us Americans with our Farenheit (the clearly superior way to measure temperature because I can understand what it means without having to go outside and go, WTF!?) - that's Effin HOT! Although at first you walk out and you're all, ooh, that's so nice! (because you were in the AC where some boy had control of the settings and figured that 52 was a good temperature for a conference room) but then within approximately 17 seconds you realize that you can look at your arm and see it turning the color of mahogany and the texture of luggage and you realize that perhaps you spoke too soon. Perhaps.

So apparently, winter packed up its bags and said "Screw you guys, I'm going home" to Sudan and I totally didn't take the time to treasure the moment or to get out and enjoy the holiday season. I realize - now that it is over - that I spent my whole Ramadan and 'Id holiday totally focused on how I couldn't get any food - even though we actually HAVE food in our houses and if I would just plan ahead I could get food -- but then once again my food obsession has RUINED EVERYTHING for me!!!

PLUS, I have also noticed that in my quest to find food - I was waaaaay successful. My pants are tight and apparently my ribcage is expanding and my arms are growing longer. Now normally, I would start my rambling excuses that Sudan is shrinking my shit and that they're totally trying to bring me down; however, I feel that I must admit the truth this time: I totally found food! (Check out that last sentence with the punctuation abomination! Oh yeah, I totally did that. I don't even care. What now smarties?) As such, I must now hide food from me and not just pretend to exercise, I might actually have to do it.

*GASP* I KNOW! That is SOOO not right!

Now normally, this confluence of weather and potential weight gain would likely send me into a tail spin of self-pity, however, this time is different. Why, you ask??

BECAUSE..... this time I have a blackberry and I no longer have to be humiliated when my phone rings and I answer my Nokia that came free with the cell phone plan while the 'fugees who live in the tent withe plastic tarp roof they just rolled up after the rainy season ended, check their email on their iPhones and then look at me with pity and shake their heads as I type each number 3 times in order to get the next letter (FORGET about the effin punctuation!) for my text message.

SO MY POINT IS (and I think I might have one) Blackberry's make everything better. And please...refrain from pointing out who much cooler the iPhone is - I KNOW this! However, I'm handicapped because my husband refuses to become a plastic surgeon and support my iPhone habit!

GREAT! Now I'm all depressed again! Shit!

26 comments:

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Blackberry's DO make everything better!

Frau said...

I've lived here over a year and I still can't get used to celsius and hello military time 15:00 lets just say 3 okay people!

Travel & Dive Girl said...

Oooh I'm envious of you. Why? Well first of all, you don't live in Canada - where even Canadians don't have a friggin clue what celsius means and secondly - I have a stinking Nokia phone. No hopes of a Blackberry or iPhone in my future, as my husband refuses to support my habits as well. *shit* Now I'm depressed too.

Suzy said...

Google Currency converters or Celsius converters and you'll get lots of choices. I tried to pull up mine to send to you but apparently it doesn't have a passport and can't leave the U.S. internet.

Middle Aged Woman said...

That bastard.

Elle said...

You go ahead and enjoy that blackberry. As for me, I am still punching the key three times(sometimes four)for each letter.

lakeviewer said...

You have a Blackberry? I heard it will do the entire work for you. It may even get your husband to go to med school. Yeah. That's a tool!

Oh My Goddess said...

Wish you were here!
xo
Elise

sent from my iPhone

mo.stoneskin said...

I've always found that pretending to exercise works fine as long as you only pretend to eat. Unfortunately that leaves me feeling rather sleepy and and reluctant to do anything. Of course, I could just pretend to do things, or just sleep all the time, but something is telling me that this whole shenanigans is not really heading anywhere.

otin said...

I am always so far behind on technology! my phone does not even have a camera!

rxBambi said...

I told you how to convert the last time you bitched about the temperature. Do you need a recap?

blognut said...

I have a MOTO Q - which is nothing but a Blackberry Wannabe. But, I don't pay for it 'cause Bumblefuck Bank & Trust does, so I try not to complain. (What? I said I TRY. That's the best I can do.)

So... no iPhone for me, either. They don't work with our network or something. Effing hell!

Optimistic Pessimist said...

i hate it when my rib cage expands because it's already quite large and then i can't wear anything without looking like a freak.

Lisa (aka LadyWanderlust) said...

I just found you blog the other day. I absolutely love it. But I keep forgetting that you are in Sudan until you say your are in Sudan. So until your mention I am like WTF? What does she mean? Then, DOH!(slaps hand on forehead). SHE's IN SUDA and then it makes sense and then it is really funny! ;)

Lisa (aka LadyWanderlust) said...

PS. Please forgive stupid typos in the post above. I SWEAR I am literate! :P

Hit 40 said...

I need to check into a blackberry!!! I hear such wonderful things about the gizmo. I do have a nice cell phone that opens to a full keypad.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Maybe that is my problem lately, I just need a blackberry.

Reddirt Woman said...

OMG are we sposed to be literate to comment here? I've got blackberry cobbler in the freezer, but I don't think that counts because you can't answer and talk on it... to it maybe but not on it.

Helen

Captain Dumbass said...

If your husband really loved you, he'd buy you an iPhone.

tera said...

Ok...I get the expanding rib cage and the tight pants (I can't believe Otin didn't comment on that!) but your arms are longer??? WTF?!

Put down the Little Debbie and step away from the table...!

And ok, so I would not like 100+ degrees for very long, however, if we have another winter with - I shit you not - four feet of snow I will go postal.
I swear.

bernthis said...

F the Iphone. You get one of those then you have to deal with AT&T and that my dear is a good enough reason NOT to have one.

My thermometer suddenly is now telling me my kid's temp in freakin Celcius. Every time I take it I have to look it up on the internet to find out how sick she is

♥ Braja said...

I guess it's superior, and that's why the whole world is using farenheit. Oh wait...no they're NOT....ha!!

OK come over to my place I need your money. What? At least I'm honest. Get over here, I'm waitin'....jeez....

TechnoBabe said...

I had a Blackberry and then I had a Side Kick and my lifestyle has changed so much in the past year that now I have a simple cell phone and a simple life. I enjoyed reading through your blog very much.

Gaston Studio said...

I'm with Otin; I've only had a phone with a camera for about 3 months and you're whining about not having an iPhone! Jeez!

Medora said...

I adore my BlackBerry. It makes my life so much easier.

That one girl said...

Just when I was going to point out the coolness of the iphone, you bring me down. Fine, whatever, I'm okay with it... really.

So, a 90 degree WINTER?! That is nuts! It gets colder than that in the Caribbean!