Sunday, September 20, 2009

I Hate to Call Anyone a Whore...

No, that's not true. I totally love that. Seriously, it's one of my most favorite things to do...mostly because it shocks everyone when you're all having a conversation and everyone is kinda annoyed by the lady who orders the supplies because we're out of blue pens and are only left with crappy black or red ones and then everyone starts to get upset because they have to go to a meeting and have been named the "notetaker" (aka slave) and can't find a pen -- and that's when I like to yell, "That WHORE!"

Seriously. Try it once. It's priceless. I HIGHLY recommend it. *unless of course the lady who orders the blue pens is actually in the room, then I do not recommend it as highly. As it turns out, not "everyone" will think it is funny in that case. (As I found out later. I call that valuable lesson number 798.)

However, that was not my point - my point is that Momma Dog is knocked up again. WTF Mommy Dog!?

We now call her, "Smelly Pirate Whore." (I wonder if that will fit on one of those bone collar things you get in case your dog gets lost. I'm gonna order one of those. What? It's descriptive.)

Honestly, you start helping out with the care and feeding of one single mother around here and suddenly she just stops working, lays around all day and then has more kids because she thinks she's going to get some kinda welfare windfall.

THINK AGAIN SMELLY PIRATE HO!

Honestly though. What the hell am I going to do with another litter of dingos!? Why the hell can't one of them get a job!? Where the hell is their deadbeat dad!? Why are they more excited to get a piece of bread than a pig ear??

Is there some kinda day after pill for puppies?? If not, then Smelly Pirate Ho just earned herself an all expense paid trip to the vet. She is certainly not going to be a happy ho.

She'll probably sue me.

22 comments:

otin said...

Damned hooker stole my money! That Whore! HAHAHAHA! I love coming here! :)

AmyK said...

At work, when one of my gal pals would say " I want to get ??? after pay day" or "I'll take a trip to --- when I can afford it", I would tell them to "Stay off my corner - those quarters add up." So I'm sayin' "Keep that bitch off my corner - she has no standards at all!"

Southern Drawl said...

Funny...only here it's kittiho; till I send them to the doctoro....

McGillicutty said...

Oh lord now she's gonna want medicaid and all that free stuff!!! You should never have gotten invloved!!!!!!!!!!

Captain Dumbass said...

Smelly pirate whore? I'm totally saving that one for the right moment. As to the litter of dingos? Fatten 'em up, it'll be Ramadan again before you know it.

blognut said...

Are you taking her to the veterinary abortion clinic? Do they have those?

Maybe you should equip her with a package of dingo-sized condoms, too. It'll save you the worrying next time she can't control herself. :)

lakeviewer said...

You've got a whole lot of planning to do with your dog, don't you? No wonder you are yelling out those words.

rxBambi said...

how do you make a hormone? damn it. It doesn't work as well in print. Call me and I'll tell ya.

Jason, as himself said...

omigodyoukillme

Fragrant Liar said...

That Smelly Pirate WHOREdog! Momma Dog's been droppin' it like it's hot with those mangy scabbard dogs in port, eh? Girl after my own heart actually. Aye, melikes pirates a whole lot these days. But truly that's only because I'm a WHOREdog too! Arrr.

I hope you partook in International Talk Like a Pirate Day yesterday. I did.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Smelly Pirate Whore? Didn't Phoebe on Friends sing a song about her once? LMAO!

Susan said...

Not wishing you were a dingo now, are ya! Aarrgh!

Suzy said...

Do you have any xtra money to get her fixed? You'll save the whole neighborhood from extra and dying dogs that way.

mo.stoneskin said...

The worst thing about dingos is their addiction to ink, they'll steal all remaining pens they can find and suck the damn things dry. The whores.

♥ Braja said...

That's so cute...you're getting her plastic surgery so she looks hot at delivery time? Whadda Mom....
xoxoxo

Beth said...

Mo has it right! You gotta watch those damn dingos.

The day I brought my puppy home from the white trash trailer, I scheduled her to be made into an it. At first it affected her personality because she didn't feel so sexy any more, but we've kept her in counseling and now she is doing much better. Without the 'it' surgery, she'd have been a whore. I just know it.

Amy said...

Don't tell me you are starting the puppy business to help support your Little Debbie habits!! Please tell me it isn't true!!

A puppy refugee camp? Save the dingos of Sudan? Really? Are you that lonely? We should talk. LOL

Близнецы said...

Came over from Bambi's blog.

Funny Stuff and great writing! :)

bearer of three said...

We only use black ink pens here lol.in the medical field your only suppose to document things in black ink pens lol..and about the whole whore thing..i dont use the word often at all lol but i love when you do lol

Medora said...

Whores are cool, especially the ones on Grand Theft Auto - you can rock them in the backseat, pay them, then run over them and take your money back. Way educational.

firefox said...

WTF.....Damn whore....I think you need to find that baby daddy and start garnishing his pig ears. did the dirty whore come to you with her sad eyes and say I was bad ..it was a one night stand and how she didn't think she could get prg. if you doing standing up. So she's sorry and scared not sure what to do. she'll apply for welfare... milk the system and start living on easy street. no more working for that meal, a place to sleep....ya that right next she'll pop out a few pup's and ask you to watch them. be gone for day's pretending to look for work. while she at the local pond picking up her next one night stand.
Meanwhile your at home caring for the pup's
thinking you have to find a better mother to raise these pup's (moms a whore) there sad eye suck you in and TADA!!! you have a new poodies!
( the money eating puppy that never did any thing bad)
of course you obtain pass ports and ship them home to the states where poodies is convenced that your replacing him. a war breaks out and pakastan and sudan rebel pup fight for the sugar moma.
are you sure about this.....I think the whore needs to move...what about the FNG ? will he take her in? I think they would be great together. Or load her in the car and drop her off at canada's complex!

Hit 40 said...

Sounds to me like your running a puppy mill???