It is officially mid-September. Why is this significant you ask?? Because!! That means it is now officially Fall!!! Fall is my most favorite season...ever! (Right behind Spring, Summer and Christmas.) Fall is the season where you can start layering your clothing, which means that you can finally disguise the muffin-top with a bunch of alternating waistlines created by clothing! Is it there? No...maybe there? Is that a lump or just another layer!? (SEE!! We NEED that kinda uncertainty when it comes to dressing - if you HAVE a muffin top, you understand me!)
Fall is also the season when all the great USG holidays start. Granted, they are all kinda lumped in there together which totally SEEMS like a great idea while you're getting them, but then you hit March and you're all WTF?! Not till the end of MAY!? My GOD man! Can the USG get ANYTHING right??
Fall is when Halloween - the most holiest of all holidays (because it involves free candy) comes around. Naturally, not wanting to be caught without something to give the kiddies (because I'm just naturally good around children) I will normally begin to stock up on said candy in September.
And then I proceed to hide it around the house.
Unhidden, it will call to me to test it for safety reasons. You never really can be too safe with our kids these days. Why what if it were POISONED!? You don't know - which is why I selflessly throw myself in front of the bag of chocolate bars - but not the Mr. Goodbar. That shit is yucky. No self-respecting kid wants that shit. (Interesting fun fact: I adore the Mounds bars, but not really the Almond Joy. I mean, I would totally eat an Almond Joy - don't get me wrong - but if it had to choose...I would choose Mounds. -- I'm just throwing it out there Mom and/or Mel....just throwing it out there.)
HOWEVER, the best candy bar ever - in the history of the world....is the 100 Grand Bar! Remember those?? They only seem to be available at Halloween. Liz and I used to buy bags of that shit and then hide it from our families (I was just pretending. Josh won't eat candy - but he would judge me if I were to say...eat a whole bag of those candy bars and then wake up on the basement floor surrounded by distinct red wrappers and the boys, who have red wrappers stuck to their fur. -- Kernel had a wrapper stuck to the side of his head. The little shit totally dimed me out by running up the stairs to greet him from his return from a camping trip with Jake. Et tu, Brute? I bought you a cheeseburger with no pickles or onions!! HOW COULD YOU!?)
However, the worst part of missing fall in the US of A is that fall is Pumpkin Spice Latte Season at Starbucks!!! Believe me! The Gingerbread or the Egg Nog Latte cannot even compare!! It is like drinking a little cup of heaven - although, if I'm going in, I totally get the biggest cup of heaven they have to offer! Everybody knows that my most favorite thing in the whole wide world is to get a huge cup of piping hot liquid pie, disguised as a tasty breakfast beverage! "What's that Josh?? Oh? This? Just coffee. Of course I got you a cup too! Cream, no sugar, right??" SUCKAH.
So right now I envy most of you guys - EVEN you guys in Canada because you also have access to tasty Starbucks beverages. So if you guys care for me - even just a little - you will go hold up a starbucks and then send me the pumpkin spice latte mix.
I'm just sayin... a true friend would do it!
The Very Best Day
5 hours ago