That's It! I Give Up!

I'm cashing it all in and getting a cat. Hell, I'm getting multiple cats and probably a large flannel shirt to go with my sweatpants that I will undoubtedly be wearing as I sit in my house like a shut-in, only venturing out to get more chips and donuts.

So I thought today was going well. I conned a lady from work into taking the BBQ and some of the other crap I've got laying around...even better, they are COMING TO GET IT (meaning, I don't have to try to lug that up to the curb and pray the trash fairy (or recycling fairy, I'm not picky) takes it away for me!!! I scheduled the property mgmt company to come take pics of the house so they can rent it; and they even requested that I get a bid from their BFF painters to compete with the painters I already called (meaning - at least I think - that I will get a cheaper estimate).

Then I called NW/KLM about my flight. The people at work told me they made my reservations and put in a request for the dogs, but that I had to call the airlines and work it out with them directly (work is only so helpful, you see). So I'm talking to the lady - during work hours because I figure since the USG is forcing me to move to Sudan, that I am authorized to handle all move related issues during work time! HA

ANYWAY, the lady is not really what you would call, helpful, nice, or polite. No, I think you would probably describe her as more of a BIATCH. Seriously? In this economy, should you really piss off people?? I'm just guessing that there is a line of people waiting to take her place and answer my calls. DOES SHE KNOW WHO I THINK I AM???

Here is my bitch....She informs me that there is a cut off weight limit on Dogs flying overseas in cargo of 150 lbs (dog + kennel, total weight). Kernel weighs 116, kennel weighs 44..... so WHAT THE F*$#@ am I supposed to do now?!? Its not like I can have Kernel stick his little foot out to ease some of the weight off.

SO when I asked her, well, ma'am....what should I do, because I think he might be over that. Her response was: he NEEDS to be 150 lbs. What am I magic?! Believe me! If I had the damn power to make anything lose 10 lbs, I'd be ALL OVER THAT! but alas, I do not!

So I was like, well...how hard and fast is this 150 lb thing?? I mean, if he is like 153 are they going to boot him!? She just kept repeating that limit is 150.

So you're telling me that no planes fly cargo that weighs over 150 lbs. WTF. What the hell do I do now!? Clearly, I can try to put kernel on a diet, but I suspect that I can't make him lose 10 lbs in less than 3 weeks. I can't even do that!!

Is there an Adkins for dogs??

Why the hell won't US companies take bribes?? What is this world coming to when you can't even pay someone to look the other way over 10 lbs!! The lady at the Virginia DMV didn't even bat an eye when I BLATANTLY lied about my weight. I gotta give her snaps for not bursting out laughing.

Clearly, I'm just going to have to go with the old standby: Blatantly LIE straight to their face and claim racism and/or sexism (whichever may apply).

In the interim, I will practice my outraged, Is it because I'm a woman/American Indian???