Thursday, February 19, 2009

Stephenie Meyer Must Be Stopped...

Liz sent me this email today, and I agreed to post it because I am a full supporter of Laziness (I give and I give and I give):


Since I'm too lazy to make a blog to post my rantings, maybe you can put this in your blog. I'm hoping that Twilight chick reads it and feels some remorse for the grave harm she is causing to America:

What has become of me?! I am a 41 year old woman with a husband and kids I have become completely obsessed with a book series on teenage vampires!

I started the book Twilight while travelling to North Africa with my boss's boss - a big cheese, someone who could do good things for my career if I made a good impression. But instead of wowing him with my sparkling personality and carefully dropping hints as to my prefence for future assignments, I spent the whole time frantically reading this stupid book like the secrets of the universe were in it! I even ripped his head off during a layover in Frankfurt because he had the gall - the gall! - to try to strike up conversation with me while Edward was about to kiss Bella in the meadow!!! My God, man!

I finished Twilight by the time we landed in Dulles, including the teaser chapter from the sequel, New Moon, that they put at the back of the book. I raced home to slam my teenage daughter against the wall and demand that she give me the sequel immediately or die. She pointed out that she didn't have any of the sequels because when she asked me to buy them for her last year, I refused because they were only out in hardcover and I didn't want to spend the money. Huh. I don't remember that, but clearly I didn't understand the gravity of the situation at the time.

So, I dragged my jet lagged body to the bookstore and bought New Moon, paying full price (very unlike me), then ordered Eclipse and Breaking Dawn from Amazon, thinking that there was no way I would finish New Moon before the last two were delivered. I was sooo wrong. I finished New Moon in a day then moaned like a junkie in withdrawal about not having the last two books until my husband finally went to the store and bought the last two - hardcover, $22 a piece - just so I would shut up.

The box from Amazon arrived when I was reading the last 3 chapters of Breaking Dawn. So now I've spent nearly $100 on books, including two hardcover copies of the last two books; the house is a mess and I haven't fed my kids in days; my daughter will need therapy; and I may have caused irreparable damage to my career with my antisocial behavior towards my boss.

Stephanie Meyer, I hope you're happy with what you've done....

No comments: