I Fear for Our Future

Okay, so today I had a bunch of meetings with the people who are arranging our upcoming move to Sudan. Let me caveat this post by saying they are VERY NICE people....and I think honestly want to help. However, I'm frankly scared to get on a plane and/or let anyone take anything from my house in boxes.

So here's the dealio: I met with the people to get my briefing on what to expect in my upcoming move. Although I naturally scoff at anything to do with learning or being prepared for stuff as I believe it takes away from my TV or napping time; however, I realized that I have totally forgotten how to plan to move to a foreign country. (Perhaps I should be thankful that someone is at least trying to help me?? Who are we kidding here, that's not my way).

ANYWAY, so I was working with the nice lady to arrange for the movers to come. And she starts out with, "So, we're moving with a horse?"

Naturally, not wanting to piss off the woman who processes all of my authorizations, I gave her a small courtesy chuckle, even though I'm sure there was confusion written all over my face. Who's We? Horse? I had no idea what she was talking about, but maybe this was how the processing people joke around or it is some sort of mysterious acronym. I mean, I don't work in their office, perhaps that is processing lingo for something else.

She continued to stare at me expectantly... Thinking this was truly a person in some serious need of positive reinforcement, so I laughed louder and with a bit more feeling. Then she started looking at ME like I was the looneybin in this conversation.

So then, she began to speak loudly and enunciate her words very clearly and said, "A HORSE!?" I'm like..."whaaa?" For the love of all that is holy lady! I live in Loudoun County, VA, this is not horse country for heaven's sake...and would Sudan even let you ship in a horse!? What the hell would you feed him?

Turns out she was referring to the boys. Instead of listing two separate dogs and specifying their breed, the unidentified person (which nobody will own up to) listed one "pet" at 190 pounds. (OK! just for starters, horses weigh more than 190 lbs - technically, I think even PONIES weigh more than 190 lbs..hell, I MIGHT EVEN WEIGH MORE THAN 190lbs...or I will if this move stresses me out anymore than it already has). So I clarified that I have TWO dogs that add up to that weight. I'm not sure what she plans to do with this information, as her purpose seemed to be to arrange for the movers to come. But I'm hoping they don't think I am going to put them into my sea shipment...."Box him right up here sir. Yes, he's kinda smelly, I know, I know.....Don't put his box by the towels if you would...."

SO THEN, she calls the movers to schedule the pack out dates (9-10 march is official!! Be a lamb and plan to be at the house by 0800 on the 9th to handle this move for me, would you? Toodles!). She is speaking to the woman and goes, "Yes... foreign move....Right.... Cartoon....C-A-R...." I look at the paperwork and she has literally written "Shipping Location: Cartoon, Sudan."

CARTOON? SERIOUSLY??

To compound the awkwardness, when I started to spell it for her while she was on the phone it was clear she was annoyed by my interruption. So I had to interject that if the movers send my shit to CARTOON it might not arrive at my house...which will be located in KHARTOUM. They are two different cities...and, I might add...one of which is NOT, in reality, a city in Sudan, but rather a network for kids. All our crap (with our horse in the box) would end up in Universal Studios, Florida...

So now, the woman is all pissed off at me for being picky and I have no idea where my crap is going to end up. I probably shouldn't even go into how they butchered my name! (Usually I take that in stride because everyone gets it wrong), but let's just say that there will be a very confused Mexican man named Miguel living outside of Cartoon street in Universal Studios when the movers show up with a bunch of boxes of crap and a large smelly carton labeled "Horse" on the outside...