Monday, February 23, 2009

The Stress Has Not Killed Me....

But I think the vaccines just might!! Today I went to the nurses office for my required vaccinations for Sudan. The nurse (who acted like she has been trapped on an island, bereft of human companionship for the last three months) set out what looked to be 27 shots for me. And chattered non-stop about how she wrote her thesis on Africa - blathering on and on about the Congo and why Africa COM was such a great idea. Hoping to cut my shots down by half, I confirmed that I was not, in fact, planning to go to the Congo, and did not currently have any plans to visit in near future.

She didn't care.

Now you may not know this, but I am not a good patient. Needles and anything having to do with the body or "innards" (as I like to call them), grosses the hell out of me. So watching her prepare those 27 syringes made me queasy just watching. Plus, can't she just get it over with in one shot?! Seriously? Fill ONE syringe up to the top, rather than sticking me 27 different times. Must you prolong my torture??

She chattered on and on about Africa and how I MUST take the mefloquine, didn't believe me that it previously made me sick as hell the first time I took it, and threatened me that she wouldn't let me go if I didn't take it. (Excuse me's SUDAN, that's not a threat...that is a promise.) I mentioned that I had done my internet research and asked if I could instead get Malarone - the new and improved mefloquine (which the internet said has fewer side effects, but was more expensive).

Proving my theory of USG medical professionals are only required to be internet certified to practice medicine, she told me that she had no idea what I was talking about and launched into a lecture about how any side effects were in my I probably didn't take it with food as instructed. (PLEASE! It is not possible for me to ever take anything without food...Eating has never ever been my problem!)

She then wanted to know whether I was right or left handed. Then proceeded to give me shots in both arms. I believe I was given yellow fever, typhoid, rabies, tetanus, some other random fever, and whooping cough.


I was suspicious of the last because she mentioned how SHE was just getting over whooping cough.... Was she vaccinating me for something SHE was spreading around the workplace??? Isn't whooping cough what your dogs get if you kennel them while you go away??

So now I am free to step on rusty nails, am immune to any random fever I may come across, no matter the color involved, and can safely be kenneled for an extended period of time, if needed. However, I seem to have lost the use of BOTH ARMS as I can no longer lift them to even comb my hair. I just hope the Sudanese are pro-dreadlocks.

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