Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Ode to Thin Mints....

I am a stress eater. I was not one of the fortunate ones whose tummy gets so tied up in knots that they cannot eat anything because they are so upset. No, those are OTHER people...

I hate those people!!

So, as you can imagine - this move, the incompetent idiot they assigned to assist me with my processing, the fact that I have a dog that is essentially the size of a small loveseat (and that I have become attached to said loveseat), and the fact that my husband has conveniently volunteered to serve in Iraq (I can only assume so he wouldn't have to help me with this move) has caused me to search out food! In fact, it has been so bad that I am actually eating that low-sodium organic soup that I found at Trader Joes; and then, of course, immediately regretted it as I searched frantically for the salt shaker. Once again proving that healthy = not worth it.

So I happened to visit the property management office the other day and I notice that people have Girl Scout Cookies on their desk (which unfortunately, were not left unattended, or I clearly would not be writing about this).

My beef is: Where the hell were the Girl Scouts with the order forms? Why aren't they EVER out there peddling their crack these days?!! Its UNSAT. It's selfish and Lazy, that's what it is!!!

Now I know some of you (probably the "parents," who want their kids to live to see another day) are going to start spouting facts and figures about how kids have been snatched by psychos going door to door selling cookies, etc. However, in my day my parents did their part. It's not like I was actually out knocking on doors! My mom and dad brought my order form into work with them and forced their co-workers to buy from me. LIKE GOOD PARENTS DO!!! AND THEY WERE THANKFUL!! (Mostly because I would have forced them to drive me - I was lazy even as a child.)

BUT NO! Now the stupid USG has put out rules and regs (I assume in their quest to make my life miserable) that you can't sell stuff in the workplace. However, everybody knows if you happen to leave your order form on your desk in plain sight...and I happen to see it laying there -- unattended -- and ACCIDENTALLY write my name down with a request for 23 boxes of thin mints (and one sugar free shortbread) that its all good. No harm, no foul.

So again: WHERE THE HELL ARE THE GIRL SCOUTS!? (Or their damn parents?!)

Is it suddenly not trendy? Did their parents force them to go to girl scout camp too? Did the scouts kick everyone out - telling them not to ever try to apply again, because their name was going into the permanent records in the head office???

NOT that that happened to ME, I mean...maybe there was that alleged incident back in the day before I happened to leave the Girl Scouts. However, in my defense, I stand by my contention that she had it coming!!! That was not a fun 2 weeks!! It was a WORK CAMP! They had us making wallets for heaven's sake (Obviously, this was back in the day before we knew that we could exploit foreign kids to make our knockoff Goocci wallets).

I was a role model...I stood up for downtrodden campers everywhere. I was the action arm of the kids whose parents just wanted to get rid of them for 2 blissful weeks in the middle of the summer. I made a difference to every kid who still gags at the thought of the "suicide soup" they made us eat; a soup made from random cans of Campbell's Condensed Soups. You can't mix cream of Mushroom, Veggie, Chicken Noodle and Bean and Bacon! Tis an abomination!!!

They're not even out front of the grocery stores!! (LAZY) Don't they know there are people out there who are moving to Sudan in less than two weeks?? People who are trying to make the world a safer place for Thin Mints???

Seriously! All I need is one...(sleeve). Okay, make it two. I can quit anytime I want. I think we all know that I will carry on about this (until campfire mint season) - So why don't we just cut out the crap! It's unfair to make everyone suffer like this.

On my honor, I will try (not to freak out anymore) -- if a box of thin mints shows up at my door. No questions asked.


SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Sugar-free shortbread? Now there's an abomination for you!

Sudan? Really?

Tia Murchie-Beyma said...

Yes, sometimes psychic messages take a while to sheet through the stratosphere -- so, just a couple of years after you wrote this blog entry, a Girl Scout has heard your cry of pain. (And, after howling with laughter at your hilarious post, which I let her see, she wants to help.) Better late than never? Just know the Girl Scouts will be out in force again this year, starting in December. Contact us! Thin Mints. (Oh, and they've ditched the sugar-free. No worries.)

Tia Murchie-Beyma said...

Sometimes psychic messages take a while to wend their way through the multiverse, but it's happened! Just a couple of years after you posted your plea for Girl Scout cookies, a real Girl Scout has heard your cry of pain. Yes, they still trek from door to door. And, after howling with laughter induced by your blog, which her mother allowed her to read just now, a Senior Girl Scout wants to help you. Cookie sales start again in December. Contact us! We deliver. Thin Mints. Samoas. They can be yours. (And they've ditched those sugar-free ones, no worries.)