It is officially mid-January. And once again I am bombarded by yet another outrage: Christmas lights!! It is time. Nay! Past time, for you people to take your Christmas lights down (you know who you are!) Although I fully understand, and fully back laziness (both in myself and others), Why....FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHY must you still turn them on!?!?!?
Here is a helpful hint you may not realize: if you do not plug the lights in, people may not notice your laziness, and other people (who will not be named here, and who are totally not me if it ever happens to you...) will not consider toilet papering your house to send a silent message of protest over your extended holiday spirit.
Everybody knows the holidays are OVER. We're already sick of our presents, most have been returned for store credit. There is no more good will toward men. It's January. The month of crabbiness and resentment. (Crabby because we ate so much over the holidays that our clothes no longer fit properly, and resentment because we just got the AMEX bill for the gift we got you and realized we're now unsure whether we actually liked you a whole $72-worth....)
I feel so strongly about my post-Christmas etiquette, it overcomes my inherent laziness! Our decorations come down on the 26th; however, I will grant everyone a grace period until 02 Jan (because I'm a kind and giving person). After that, it is your civic duty to take down those damn lights!!!
If my personal outrage is not enough (and frankly, I cannot imagine how that could possibly be...) did you see the national geographic (or was it discovery channel) special on the polar bears who are dying because of the global warming?? It was sooo sad... there is this poor baby bear they show sinking under the water. It was awful. (I am still a little bit traumatized by that.) After we saw that special, Josh would accuse me of killing the polar bears if I left a light on upstairs....I gotta tell you; it worked! (Note to Self: accuse Josh of causing mental anguish, create list of presents that will alleviate my pain).
So people, if not for me (and the safety of your non-toilet paper covered trees and house) then for goodness sake: Do it for the Polar Bears.
The Very Best Day
5 hours ago