Generation What the F&%$@

I dread that I am saying this openly....and it saddens me to have to finally acknowledge that I am no longer part of the young, hip, hot, now, wow crowd ...well, maybe the wannabe, warm, maybe later, whoa crowd) HOWEVER, what the hell is up with kids these days!?

What is soooo wrong with only the winners getting the damn trophy?!! I would like to send a warning to you parents out there - you are CREATING MONSTERS for us in the workplace!! What the hell is wrong with teaching your kids some manners and, oh I don't know....a work ethic!?

Seriously (and this is where I get on my preachy soapbox), back in MY day I would never have dreamed of ever speaking disrespectfully to a boss, teacher, policeman, grocery store clerk, or, god forbid -- mom or dad. Why, you ask was I such a saint? Because I knew that my parents would unleash holy hell on me if I acted in such a manner!!!

Back in my day IF I was even allowed to go to the grocery store with my parents (I suspect they wanted 10 minutes of peace away from me -- although WHY, I cannot imagine!? I'm waaay charming dammit...What's not to love!?) I knew better than to throw a fit in the stores or, frankly, to even ask for candy or cookies (which guaranteed no candy or cookies), or run wildly through the aisles. I do recall one outing where I was upset because we couldn't have something other than Corn Flakes or Rice Krispies cereal (Excuse me, but Snap, Krackle, and Pop just ain't gonna cut it...the noise is simply the death song of the crunchiness, rendering the cereal a mushy, tasteless mess). I -- I'm sure politely, and in a quiet manner -- requested Cookie Crisp (MY GOD those are yummy! it's like a bowl of cookies! HOW COOL IS THAT!?). Mom said no. So I might have begged and pleaded a little louder. . . Mom left the cart in the aisle and drug me to the car where she threatened to beat me with a wooden spoon if I didn't behave. She then left me in the car to think about my actions. Even then, even before the day of child snatchers, I was well aware of the dangers of sitting in a car by myself with all the creepy other people walking in the parking lot. (Even though we lived in a small farming town in Montana, population approximately 397, I knew that Old Mr. Howser was a creepy freak and was just waiting to kill me....) I was cured!!! (No wooden spoon was even necessary).

Back in my day if I didn't do my chores or talked back to my parents, they made me go sit by myself in "the Spider Room." Now my parents will probably claim that it was not technically a "Spider Room," but in reality a guest bedroom. However, it WAS a spider room!! There was ALWAYS a spider there. And, it had a scary walk-in closet that my mom put the clown my grandma sent me one Christmas in because I was too scared to have it in my room. (Don't even get me started on how Clowns are evil and are just waiting to kill us all!!) So, the triple threat of Spiders, clowns and alone in the basement cured me but good!!!

Back in my day I was allowed to watch cartoons on Saturday morning -- but only until 0930, and then I had to start my List. Every Saturday, my mom would put two lists up on the fridge of chores, usually starting with "clean your room" and followed by "clean under your bed" which always makes me wonder what the heck I was doing through the week that would necessitate having to clean under my bed EVERY Saturday. However, I do recall hating that list, but LOVING Saturdays. This was BEFORE the age of cartoon network. Back when Cartoons were Special -- kinda like when Charlie Brown or Rudolph was on during the holidays -- that was some exciting times. Knowing that I had a limited window of time, I overcame my inherent laziness and would manage to wake myself up at the butt crack of dawn....running to the basement (amazingly unafraid of the basement on Sat mornings, apparently Cartoons make EVERYTHING better....) to watch the fuzz on TV (yes, TV actually stopped in those days. At what time, I have no idea because my bedtime was 8:00....it was after that) and then, when the rainbow thing came on and they started playing the National Anthem I would leap to attention, cross my heart for about 4 seconds (I was convinced the president would know if you didn't) and then would RUN upstairs to get my daddy, whom I was SURE loved "Hong Kong Fooey" as much as I did. I would burst into their bedroom and shake daddy all the while repeating, "HONG KONG FOOEY'S ON! HONG KONG FOOEY'S ON!!" Then would run back down the stairs so as not to miss the opening song (to which I had created an elaborate choreography). To his credit as a parent, my dad would drag his tired ass all the way to the basement and then pretend to watch Hong Kong Fooey with me while he slept on the couch.

Where was I going with this??

Oh yes, back in my day I had to WORK for my keep. I recall whitewashing the fences during the summer. I had to get up to feed the animals before school...and believe me, gathering eggs from those smelly barely flying rodents called chickens!! God I hated those chickens!! They used to peck your hand if you tried to grab the eggs if they were in the nest and were NOT interested in moving. Being industrious, I quickly learned that if I threw an egg on the floor, ALL the chickens would jump down to start eating the eggs -- it was like The Silence of the Chickens!!! (Little known fact: Chickens will eat ANYTHING! veggies, grain, garbage, pork, CHICKEN, and, undoubtedly, if given the chance -- people. Don't trust them. )

Back in my day if I came home with bad grades, I was punished for them. Maybe I have freakishly hideous parents disguised as mild mannered super sweet people, but my parents NEVER assumed that my teachers were trying to frame me. Frankly, they knew me. They knew I could get good grades if I actually applied myself, but then also knew that when given the option to NOT do my homework and say...watch me some TV...I'd be all over that.

The only thing we didn't have back in my day was having to walk to school in the snow uphill...both ways....that was my parents' day apparently. And they were thankful!

ANYWAY, my point is. Today's kids suck. Do something about that.