My Life of Crime in Ashburn

Okay, so remember when I told you how I was an unfortunate victim of crime? How I was wronged and how Ashburn honked?? WEELLL....I decided to take my hood back!! I was going to Jack someone ELSE's recycling bin. To pay it forward, if you will....

Okay! So No shit, there I was!!! This morning at approximately 0437, I brought the boys out for their morning walk per our standard operating procedure (SOP)...On the return I noticed an unattended recycling bin. I made the decision and went for it!!!

Now you may or may not know, this is not my first foray into the dark side! However, this was not Tampa, and this was not sunglasses, and this was not a mistake! (see Liz for details). This was SERIOUS! My crime spree had escalated to trash bins, and not just regular bins -- LABELED trash bins! What is next for me is anybody's guess...I could, frankly, go either way at this point! Best bet is by next year I will have escalatied to the candy section of the nearest 7-11...

I quickly formulated an elaborate plan: I would jack the bin, take it back under cover of darkness to my garage, seal off all the entryways, and then, using my kitchen blowtorch (rated for creme brulee's), burn off the address of the real owners and write "Michel's BIN" in magic marker, or, more likely, crayon.

It was foolproof.

Not wanting to be caught red handed (or in this case, fuzzy mitten handed) I made my way nonchalantly in the direction of the unattended recycling bin. I used my dogs as scouts, sending them in first to ensure the bin was not an elaborate trap (which I also considered setting, but was too lazy to follow through with this one). I checked to ensure there were no lights in the townhouse....And I made my move! I grabbed the bin and ran in a serpentine across the street, back to our house!!

Shoving the dogs into the house, I quickly entered the garage, locked the doors and turned on the lights....

I KNOW! how exciting is this story!?

Turns out, I might have overreacted and may have slandered my hood needlessly. As it so happens, it was our bin. Even had our address written on it. Josh is very conscientious...

How could I have been sooo mistaken you ask?? As it happens, last time we put out the recycling, there was a HUGE wind storm...and apparently, the people who pick up the recycling put MY recycling bin - over at the neighbors house!! Now clearly, there was NO WAY this could have ever been known (to me) -- it was unknowable.

Now Liz (who likes to post comments as anonymous and is not fooling anyone) will likely comment that she TOLD me to go check the bin that was sitting out on the corner in front of the for sale sign for about 4 days...Naturally, like yourselves, I assumed this was crazy talk...

Liz is not crazy after all.

I should write a strongly worded letter to the people at AAA Recycling so that they fully understand the implications of their actions. How a quiet suburb could be labeled a hood and residents needlessly turn to gangsta rap....But, I think we all know by now that won't happen.