Thursday, January 8, 2009

Earthquake in Costa Rica!! Do NOT panic!

So you know how I mentioned that I was a professional diver now because I personally own all my own matching dive equipment, right?? Well.....I probably haven't told you over and over (like I have everyone within speaking distance) that Josh and I are going on a dive vacay in Costa Rica this month...

See Title.....See above para.....


However, initial reports indicate that there was not extensive structural damage, which I take to mean that the bottles of booze at the all-inclusive resort were spared from this tragedy. Now when I asked my mom the pointed questions concerning the safety of my vacation destination, she seemed to imply that I was being a little bit self-centered....However, internet research has proven once again that I am not the most hideous person on the the planet -- Canada is!!!!

So this is the actual headline that comes up when you google "Costa Rica and Earthquake:"

No Canadians killed in Costa Rican earthquake
Canwest News Service January 8, 2009 6:04 PM

There were aboot two children killed in a landslide during the quake, but THANK GOD, eh, they were not Canadians!!! I was aboot to panic until I noticed that the kids were listed as locals or as the Canadians call them "acceptable loss."

Thank goodness I was here to call Canada out for this!!! Its one thing to be un-PC, but really?? do you have to title your headline so obviously??? (Plus, the "e" in earthquake should have been capitalized...not only are the Canadians prejudiced, they're sloppy!!!)

SOOOO, now that I have brought you up to date on the latest international news, let's get back to me and my vacay!!! Naturally, I was dreading the swimsuit portion of the vacation as it has been winter (i.e. tan fat looks better than pasty white winter fat! this is well known!!) and Tina apparently does not have magic superpowers (even though you'd think someone who is in cahoots with Satan would frankly...). However, I have great news to report that assuaged my panic!!

There are homeless people in Reston Town Center!!! Why is this great news you ask? (a BETTER question would be how on earth do they manage to avoid the town center riff-raff patrol...I swear they give ME the evil eye when I go there to shop!!)

ANYWAY, it is great news BECAUSE, the other day when I was walking in the Town Center (toward the fountain, in case any of you want to try to recreate my experience) and I heard a loud whistle -- kinda like those stereotypical construction worker whistles? you know the one?? Well, naturally, I turned around (hoping) and this guy who is obviously homeless, or alternatively, simply has really poor personal hygiene, yells "You're HOT!"

Go on...I'm listening....

Then, he held out his hand for money!! That, my friends, earned him FIVE WHOLE DOLLARS!!!

God bless the homeless of America!!! Helping people feel better about themselves before vacations for Fives of Dollars since 1965.

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