Note to Self:

Never, ever leave work unattended again!!! It is simply not worth it. I believe this has already been mentioned in a number of other blog posts - how work piles up because we all work with a bunch of lazy loser-asses who leave post-its in your office and call it a day -- Blognut had the latest one - and I laughed when I read it, because it was not about me and therefore, it was HILARIOUS.

I'm not laughing now.

I arrived at the office this am to find Paul with a suitcase in hand scurrying to and fro (Paul likes to scurry.) barking out orders to everyone who was walking by him....and then turns to me and says, "Oh, by the way, I'm headed out - be back in a few - things were fine-- well, kinda fine -- okay, so not really Fine, so much as fucked up -- but I'm sure it'll all just work itself out. You're in charge. See you in a few weeks or so. . . . [insert horrified silence here] . . . Good luck. Do you need anything from the States??"

I need a young priest, and an old priest -- because that man is going down!!! Did he not hear me say GOOD DAY!?

So my plan is to rearrange everything in the office -- to include his office - which will now be MY office - and make a few sweeping changes. I plan to institute the following: (1) Pancake breaklunch - where we eat pancakes from arrival until it is time for us to go to lunch; (2) Afterpanlunch Naptime; and (3) Daily Happy Hour(s) until it is time to leave.

We'll see who says good day next!!?

ANYWAY, I digress. Dubai.

Here is your official Dubai tour photos:





This was our bathroom in the hotel. Had a great view although no curtains and I was kinda freaked out to use the bathroom at night with the lights on because if someone were out on that beach and happened to look up - OH HOLY! There I would be - in all my glory - using the facilities! Trust me! Nobody wants to see that shit! (seriously, there was no pun intended there.)



This was the view from the bedroom - NICE, huh!? Also, I checked to ensure that was real grass - it was - but it's all kinda funky grass - the place kinda looks like a putting green there - the pool was great, but filled with women who have clearly never had kids, never eaten a piece of cake in their collective lives, and all wearing suits that are not meant to be in the water and likely cost more than my entire year's salary.

I was seriously worried that there was some sort of indicator the hotel gives the full fare paying guests so that they can readily identify when someone like me shows up for the super saver rate - so that they don't have to actually speak directly to me and can avert their eyes should I happen to be in the elevator at the same time -- because there never was anyone in the elevator with us at the same time and that made me suspicious, frankly....I suspect they all got to use the better elevator and there wasn't a special "block" of elevators for the tower guests -- maybe there was, if by "tower" you mean "poor people," then yes, I guess there WAS a special elevator - and thank you for saving it for me. Bright side? Always there for us!




This was the Dubai Mall - The Falls and the Aquarium. (my picture taking sucks - there were sharks in that thing, but I was too cheap to pay to stand close to it, so this is what you get. And before you bitch, remember, you get what you paid for - and YOU (bitcher) paid how much for this post?? That's what I thought!)

Seriously. I heart the Dubai Mall. However, you know what I do NOT heart?? BRITAIN -- that's right - you heard me - the U, F'n K! Oh, I went there. (and I'll go back again! Just watch me!) HOW DARE YOU! Do you guys have ANY idea the emotional trauma the UK has caused me on this trip?!?! ANY!?

Okay, so we're shopping right? of COURSE we were! (unless of course this is Josh reading this and then what I MEANT to say was, So we were helping orphans, right?) and I see all these signs saying, "SALE" and "70% off"...so naturally, I'm intrigued...I enter - I find all this cute stuff that is some price that can never truly be known - so it's like you're in Vegas - you never know what you're going to win!! (and you usually go home without any money - so it WAS like I was in Vegas!!)

So, I go to try on these adorable outfits -- and the f'n tops don't even remotely fit. the TOPS! (usually not my issue) Horrified that I had contracted some type of hideous and rare form of the dreaded Africa Expanding Disease (usually exacerbated by little Debbie) I yelled for a MEDIC - Or, Christina - who came running - then she explained to me that UK clothing sizes are smaller than US clothing sizes (so vanity sizing has obviously not caught on there - SAVAGES!) So now not only do I have to try on a size I swore to myself I would never wear - I have to do MATH to figure out what the hell to try on!!!

So, we finally just gave up and went to Banana Republic and Bloomingdales. Whatever! It's all good.