Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Battle of the Back Yard, 2009

Okay, so apparently it is not enough that I try to post every stinking day. That I do my best to spout my opinions on everyone else's blogs -- it is literally becoming a full time job these days (ESPECIALLY because people are now rating the top commenters and I noticed that I was not the top commenter - and that there, is fighting words. So let the record reflect that it is obviously YOUR fault if you post that comment judger thing if all my comments are left in one word increments. You know who you are damnitt!) just to stalk people and tell them why their opinions are wrong and why I am right.


Can't we all just get along?!?!


However, now apparently people are now posting dueling yard pics to try to one-up everyone else. And I was LEFT OUT!


Exhibit A: Darsden at Ramblings About Why takes pics of these beautiful flowers ALLEGEDLY growing in her garden (although I suspect they are internet airbrushed, but I cannot prove it)


Exhibit B: Hit 40 at Sane Without Drugs in retaliation took a bunch of pictures of what she alledges to be her yard (I'm not buying it) and then had to up the ante by claiming she recycled the grass. Hit40, recycling is soooo 2008....


Exhibit C: Mary at Holy Mackerel - not to be deterred, then posted some of her alledged yard greenery even though she just started a new job.....(although Mary, fyi, I'm busy trying NOT to work and you're trying TO work? You Canadians always get crap backwards --You hoser!)


and Finally, I've seen postings from Beth at What I Should Have Said, and even Poppy at The Opiate of the Masses have been lured into this world battle of the backyards.....


Oh and I know there are more, I am just too lazy to link anyone else...

WELL BRING IT ON BITCHES!!


Because take a look at this shit!




This is what I like to call my "vegetation" or "token tree"...it is also doubles as a holder upper for the wall that is all cracked and crumbly. We can't have our razor wire falling down -- my God! What would the neighbors think!? No constantina wire?? ANIMALS!





This is where we grow our buckets and plastic shit. Little known fact, plastic parts grow in large clumps in a colorful array in Sudan.


Amazingly enough, we live in the RITZY section of Khartoum. (Imagine it people....I'll wait....)





This is where Riley plants his goat hooves....





And then they all lay in a circle so that nobody jacks that shit.




And this is the garbage gnome that tends to our plastic pieces and bucket farm.


So there you have it. Top that shit!


WHAT NOW BITCHES?!?!

And finally, Darsden tagged me to post a particular photo - the 6th photo in my 6th folder and I was probably the 6th person she chose....


NO F'IN WAY DARSDEN! (Or should I call you SATAN?? )


Therefore, you can have the 7th photo in THIS particular folder that I was in....PLUS, how freakin cute is Mommy dog!? Seriously! Look at her?!?





Plus, I converted her to Christianity after I started feeding her; therefore, I'm all covered on this one....


God-smoting averted for another day. (Insh'allah)

66 comments:

lakeviewer said...

First thing, you have way too much to complain there, to add blog envy on your list of complaints. You else could tell stories with such a tude? We laugh, they cry; know well how tough it must be in your situation every day. You're adding a dimension we have been missing in blogland; the shit-happens and can't get over how I survived it stories.

So, keep this up; we're hooked on this gravy.

tera said...

Love the doggies. I'm sorry your yard is so depressing. You need to look at the lovely irises from my backyard that I posted yesterday, too. :) Yes, I'm evil. But I'm still sending you presents. And no, I'm not telling you what. You'll just have to wait. Blame Hit 40.

Michel said...

FIRST - How the hell did I spell alleged wrong EVERY TIME?! For the love of all that is holy! I NEED SPELL CHECK HERE!

lakeviewer: mmmm..Gravy....it's what's for dinner!

Tera: SEE! there IS a battle. I'm totally going to win though - I posted cute puppies in my "yard" - and I'll get the sympathy garbage vote. You guys don't know who you're dealing with here!

PS I LOVE mail!! Dar sent me a postcard and I hung it in my office!!

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

Hi Michel: First time commenter, long time reader. Love your blog. I think perhaps maybe we encounter the same people in our daily crap, erm, work, though I live in safe Canada and not in razor wire place. At least you can grow SOMETHING in your back yard. I have a black thumb that would cause even the buckets to wither and die.

tera said...

OH. MY. GOSH! Captain Dumbass at Us and Them posted something about a Daniel Craig popsicle!!! You gotta check it out!!!

Optimistic Pessimist (formerly known as marathoner81) said...

How about since I changed my name I've lost my top commenter status on Hit40's blog. I always comment, sometimes twice and yet I've slipped to #3 or 4...WTF is that about?

Your plastic & bucket garden has inspired me. Perhaps I'll try my hand at bucket growing.

Suzy said...

When I start posting flowers then:
1. I have nothing left to say.
2. I've become my father and he's dead.
3. Don't feel pressure to post every day.
4. because it's hard to read all of everyone's posts.
5. I'm done.

darsden said...

I'll get you and your lil froggy

darsden said...

Oh where is that lil froggy to get hummmmm

mo.stoneskin said...

I love the dog pictures. Fabulous. And that plastic/trash garden is beautiful. Does it need watering?

darsden said...

Well, missy britches ... you will just have to leave the Sudan hell you call home and com'on over to Heaven on earth over here at Cajun Pond USA also know as the ponderosa. I will prove they are all my "real" picture and freshly taken..no reprints..be sure to see tomorrows post...LOL that will make your week!

darsden said...

I wasn't finished but dammit I got to go vote I will be back missy

darsden said...

okay I am back now where was I...that's the first daisy chain of dogs I have seen. they are precious...why are they hanging out at your place?

About your garden...ummmmm I believe the plastic garden is your...however I have seen the other picture before I believe it was in the better homes and garden book base edition...now where did I put that book!

darsden said...

oh and yes I voted that fast ...lol my parents and I all went to the local fire station..one of my favorite places to hang out and voted for mayor and councilman...all in that short period of time...yep and took pictures bawhahahahaha trump that missy britches...bring IT

blognut said...

I love the plastic trash garden. That's exactly the kind of shit I can grow.

Flowers? I try. They die. I replace them with plastic trash.

Yay me!

darsden said...

*grumbling* oh yea thank your for the shout out :-)

darsden said...

*grumbling again* getting mussie on the comment their elbitcheyo..heartyou for hanging my post card up ...:-) damn YOU

Hit 40 said...

Darn Darsden! I can never keep up with her typing skills!!!

I could not stop giggling. Pscyo supersperm yelled at me to be quiet. REALLY!!! I just wanted to yell F off!! Can't I even have computer friends??? He has alienated all real people from talking to us.

$5 for the pool is truely a deal to get him outta the house, but it is lightening and thundering today due to the memorial tournament!!!! I am trapped with him.

darsden said...

Hit 40- it is soooo sad how jealous she is of us and we only show love...LOL

Yes, glad nobody is in here when I am reading..except Rudey dog and she always looks at me in that tone...oh yea just give me a treat already!

otin said...

I think Hit 40 took her camera to a nature park or some shit! She spends 22 hours a day online! LMFAO! She doesn't have enough time to grow mold, let alone plant flowers. She probably has the whole family out pulling weeds and trimming while she sits typing and barking orders! (Oh am I gonna F'in get it for this!)

Pastor Sharon said...

Okay. . . it's hard to be religiously correct on this post today. . . Lord give me strength. . . her goes. . .
What contest and I missing? How did you convert your dog, both my are Buddhaist!!!! And they both think they are my parents reincarated!!!! I can't even get them to sit still in Sunday school!!!!!
Sweet circle of life, those pups have going there. . . . and where do I buy supplies to start a pile of sh. . plastic garden? That has got to be a recycle pile. . . . and you said that was soooo 2008!!!! Whatthe. . . heck and That lovely 'token' tree. . . . I was just waiting to see the garden path where the river ran through it and I realized you are in the desert!
Now,

Pastor Sharon said...

Did you see that? I spelled her instead of "here' right at the top. . . I guess I was still stuck in that deep south accent from today's blog. . .

Beth said...

I have an advantage. Miss Poopy helps out in the garden, if you know what I mean. She didn't just get that name. She earned it.

Wanna send me your address? I could send some of Miss Poopy's stuff to help your friends out with the hoof.

Beth said...

And seriously, you should email me your address. I haven't sent you cake or brownies or a postcard and I can't be out done!

Bwahahahahaha...

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Michel, are you sure that you're not in prison? That's an awful lot of barbed wire. *wink*

Hit 40 said...

OMG!!! I am posting to comments that are not even on my blog!

Otin - WTF!! Barking orders? Please see the bitch song on my blog. Play it for yourself. You are all cracking my up with it not being my yard! Does it really look that good? WOW - I was just barking orders at supersperm (practice your sax, go away, take a shower) Bark bark bark

Smart Mouth Broad - DAMN GIRL!! YOU ARE RIGHT! I HAVE BEEN MAILING CAKE MIXES TO A PRISON!!!

Hit 40 said...

Michel - would you like me to cover for you while you sleep??? I could so do this!!!

For example...

Beth - Chill. I have no blogger comment award for who posts the most.

Blognut - Send me some plastic flowers in prison.

OMG!!! LMAO LMAO - oh no!! I am outta ass

Pastor Sharon - God forgives you for your spelling mistakes. I DON'T. GET IT TOGETHER!!

Darsden - Hit 40 does have issues. I think her mom is right about the prozac. She needs a little something.

darsden said...

Hit 40 - OMG it's dueling Michels.. I would be so confused..but cha got it down pat girl..LOL

rxBambi said...

Maybe it was that 3rd glass of wine that I shouldn't have had...but it sounds like there's some issues here! We have drugs for that!

Jaime said...

Hit 40: you know your blogging addiction has gone too far when you hijack the comments on someone else's blog!

Hit 40 said...

I KNOW!!! AND SUMMER IS IN JUST 10 DAYS, 16 HOURS, AND 1 MINUTE.

OH THE TIME I WILL HAVE!!!

darsden said...

Jamie-step away from Hit 40-LOL you have to go thru me to get her woman!

Hit 40 said...

WTF Time schedule is this blog on?? Not Sudan or Ohio time?? It's 10:01 in the buckeye state.

Hit 40 said...

Oh my heavens - darsden is here too!!!!!

darsden said...

where the hell is Michel ... I think she is in prison...she only is allow to be on at certain times...hummm I am seeing a pattern here. I am feeling Ya Smart Mouth Broad!

Hit 40 said...

Poor thing is asleep. She needs her dogs from home to keep her company at night.

darsden said...

Hit 40-of course I am here somebody has to have your back :-)

darsden said...

fancy lighting there on that prison wall I mean compound I mean apartment with barbwire..!

Pastor Sharon said...

PRISON. . . . and HIT40. . . I'll do my best! Boy this feels like a prizon fight. . . .and to think that it would be the BRASSY BROAD in Sudan that helped me get into a Prizon ministry!
Michel. . . I'm so late for this fight. . .I could have so had an altar call after this fight. . . people would have gotten saved all over again whether they needed it or not!
Why don't you just post a pic of yourself in your Orange jumpsuit and get it all out! It sure would make you feel better!
I'll bring a songbook tomorrow and we'll have a little music and worship before the girls get started fighting again. . .

darsden said...

Pastor Sharon-slapping my knee that is down right funny and why didn't I think of the orange jump suit! I am slipping here! I hear Michel loves Willie Nelson could we stick one of those in too along with Dallas Holm and Praise :-)) can we please, can we, com'on can we please huh huh LOL...

darsden said...

Michel you keeping up with us on your blog we are on a roll tonight :-)) Hit 40 is almost free on bond here in just a few days..Pastor Sharon coming in to help out...Man it's good not to be you in an orange jumpsuit...LOL

darsden said...

Com'on Ladies I know we can get to 50 comments before she gets back...!!

Pastor Sharon said...

OH yes of course Dallas HOlms. . . sorry Darsden. . .had to go visit HIT40

Michel said...

Okay people...I just woke up - and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON UP IN THIS PLACE!?

for the record ONLY MINOY has permission to jack the comment section (its where she posts her blogs b/c she is too lazy to do her own)

And Yes, I am technically in a prison - they don't want me to be able to interact with the locals unless it is during working hours, for safety reasons.

You've all heard that we're called the ugly americans, right??

My bad.

Pastor Sharon said...

I wanted to make sure she knew I spelled prison with a "Z"!
Now about that orange jumpsuit, can we send her one? I know where I can buy one at a costume shop!

Pastor Sharon said...

Michel. . . you missed the riot!
Who is Minoy?

Pastor Sharon said...

I think that is a great Idea. . .Darsden, maybe we should all use the comment sections instead of having to come up with our own. . . and by the way, Do you think Michel would mind if we have a food fight? We could throw chocolate all the way to Sudan!

Michel said...

okay, I have to go to work people (I'm on a work release program clearly)

We'll talk about THIS when I get home!!

PS P-Shar, Minoy is one of my good friends (i.e. minoy and liz) - we were supposed to have a joint blog, but she never did do her part.

Pastor Sharon said...

Ooohhh work release????? What do they have you doing? Planting plastic gardens?

darsden said...

Pastor Sharon-it's okay I visit her all the time too ...Hit 40 that is ...you wouldn't catch me within an inch of somebody in an orange jumpsuit with would really clash with my red hair..LOL

OMGoodness Michel is on work release duty...Sudankneeans watch out people...just back away slowly...

Pastor Sharon said...

And. . . looks like she's got Guard dogs. . . in 'the circle of life' watching the back 40 for her....

darsden said...

Pastor Sharon-all we have to do is throw some food at them poor guard dogs that are living on goat hooves and plastic parts...we would be in like flint...they go Michel whohooves!

Pastor Sharon said...

YES~!!!!! I knew there was a way!

Pastor Sharon said...

Good lord. . . I mean . . . Lord you know it's been a great day! And it just turned into tomorrow according to my clock. . . gotta go to bed. . . .
See you all tomorrow at prison Bible study and singalong!

♥ Braja said...

Dear Michel,

We regret to inform you that a smoting has not been avoided for another day, due to the presence of goat hooves.

The rule is that goats are only sacrificable (yes, it's a word) for the pleasure of God or some such heathen crap excuse me, and since that was not the case, you will be smote/d.

The smoting will take the form of those very goats hooves rising from the earth and kicking your sorry ass.

Get ready, bitch...

Yours faithfully,
Heaven Administration Goddess

darsden said...

LOL-oh did I tell you I was going to tell Braja on you...oops I didn't my bad...rotflmfao goat hooves kicking your ass... Oh Braja that is great. I have my camera ready for this one!

otin said...

Hit 40- you don't need permission to take over, it's in your nature! You would get voted off survivor in the first episode because you would always be yelling, "Don't do it that way! Do it my way!" LMAO!!!!

Gaston Studio said...

A JOINT blog with Minoy and Liz? And you didn't invite ME, self proclaimed oregano imbiber!?

Pastor Sharon said...

Now that goat hoof kicking contest is scheduled right after Bible Study in the Prison. . . I just got that cleared through . . . heaven . . . . Thanks to Heavens Administration Goddess, this ought to be better than that street fight posted on this very sight a few days ago!

Comedy Goddess said...

I like what you've done with the place. Plastic is a bit of a challenge for the novice, so you have convinced me that you are a professional.

♥ Braja said...

Pastor Sharon and Dar: you will both be filming it all, yes? I am longing for video entertainment. Smotings rock.

darsden said...

Well now I see she hasn't come back since I sent Braja over for a visit...SCARED Michel, say ya scared...LOL

Boy they have her pulling double duty for all the crap she has spouted off about her "back" yard!

Ye'babe' I'm ready for the goat ass kicking contest to begin... and roll um'.....

Mrs. K said...

don't tell me you fed them meat...or am I in the wrong country for that?

tera said...

Okay, you all missed my VERY important comment wa-a-a-y back toward the top...DANIEL. CRAIG. POPSICLES!! Hello!? Anybody home?

www.eatmedaily.com/2009/06/daniel-craig-popsicles/

Fragrant Liar said...

Who the hell's blog is this? Where am I? I'm so confused.

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