Okay, so I'm sitting here commenting on everyone's blogs - You know, normally, I would say, Sitting here, minding my own business - but I think we all know THAT'S not true -- Anyway, so I'm sitting here and the stupid blinds are all flapping - and it is starting to annoy me. So after like 10 minutes of this, I get up to turn off the ceiling fan and IT IS NOT ON.
SO WHAT THE HELL IS MAKING THE BLINDS FLUTTER LIKE THAT?!?!?!
Damnitt! Now I'm really going to have to move!!! Again. This shit has asbestos and is apparently haunted!! (and/or has ginormous spiders that flutter the blinds - also a viable option) So since I have wireless in the house - I have moved into the bedroom and locked myself in for safety.
Where the hell is Josh? Where is poods!? I can't handle these types of situations alone! We don't even have any Marine Security Guards here I can react to come check out the house. I'm utterly alone!!!
When I was in Algiers, there was this HUGE spider in my kitchen drawer - you could seriously see each little hair on its legs, and it hadn't seen a razor in quite a while! So naturally, I did what any professional would do -- I called the marine at Post One and told him that I was in mortal danger and needed help.
The guy went through the requisite SOP they'd established for dealing with calls from Michel:
Marine: Hello Ma'am
Me: GASP! How DARE you!?!
Marine: I mean, Michel...Hello, "Miss."
Me: I can hear your air quotes! Do you have any idea how rude that is!?
Marine: Did you need something??
Me: I'm in imminent danger!!! You must send a battalion to my house. Oh, the danger is in my kitchen.
Marine: Michel, we've been over this. The marines are at post to protect the Embassy and classified material. Not the personnel.
Me: Oh really!? You don't care if I die then?
Marine: I'm sure someone would be sad. But I cannot react the marines to protect you from the danger in your kitchen.
Me: What if I told you I had wrapped myself in classified material I found laying around the Embassy and now the CLASSIFIED is in imminent danger.
Marine: I would have to write you up for a security violation for improper handling of classified material.
Me: JOSH! You suck so bad!
Marine: Sigh. I'll be over when I'm off duty. Just stay out of the kitchen.
Me: But I'm hungry!
Why the hell did I marry that man!?!?
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
13 hours ago