Friday, June 19, 2009

Dear God,

Hi there. It's me...Michel. No, Michel in SUDAN...yes, that's the one. Okay, so I know I haven't written in a while, but I just wanted to let you know that I would REALLY REALLY appreciate it if you could change women's fashion for the betterment of those of us who are anorexically challenged. Oh yeah, in case you weren't following what's hip now - that's the new PC term for Chubbie-Pudgies, because as it turns out, calling someone "Chubbie Pudgie" can be offensive to some people.

Oh, and while I'm thinking of it, I'm really sorry for throwing that hissy fit when I thought Josh called me a Chubbie Pudgie and then starting that huge rally in Asburn that ended with the Krispy Kreme being ransacked and burned to the ground. ESPECIALLY when it turns out Josh had said something totally different that didn't even really SOUND like Chubbie Pudgie, but I happened to be eating the "Love It" sized ice cream from Coldstone secretly in the kitchen and I was in a bit of a panic and just naturally assumed he was calling me fat. Which reminds me, Kitchen's should really have closets you know. It is difficult to be a closet eater if your kitchen is wide open like that. Can I get just a LITTLE help here??

Anyway, my point - yes. I just wanted to let you know that I think you should look into today's fashions for women. They are discriminatory. Not everyone can wear skinny jeans with that stupid ass low waist. (Oh sorry God. My goodness! I NEVER swear! ) (Shit! that was a lie. I'm sorry again.) Why hasn't anyone raised a stink about this?! (or for you Canadians, Why hasn't anyone raised a stink aboot this??)

I know for a fact that I am not the only woman that is faced with the muffin-top dilemma. Sure it was okay there for a while when those big flowey shirts were in style - however, I'm very distressed to report that shirts are getting more form fitting (God help us if they come back to that skin-tight fashion where the buttons appeared to be pooking...remember that? On skinny girls it looks all cute and sexy like you have breastesses, on me, it just looks like my clothes dont' fit. ) Anyway, God, if you have time, I would really appreciate it if you could look into this and make some sweeping changes.

And/or get on science's ass to make that damn fat pill. What have they been doing?

LAZY!

Oh yeah, God Bless Mom, Dad, other mom, Pops, Josh, Poods, Kernel, Riley, Marley, ReRun, Mommy Dog, Pippy and this stupid kitty here. Oh yeah, and all those other people who need it.

Best regards,
Michel

17 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Someone in my office called someone elses muffin top a MUSHROOM CAP. Then someone else referred to it as a WHOOPIE PIE. (thankfully they were not talking about me cuz mine remains a mini muffin(

All the conversation did was make me HUNGRY.

Hallie

blognut said...

So... I'm not for the skinny jeans, but I'm definitely for the low waist. Know why? Because the muffin top is less obvious, or even gone all together. And? I really hate it when people wear clothes with high waists. They just look like 'Johnny High-Crotch' and nobody thinks that looks nice.

blognut said...

Oh, me again.... I will totally back you on that closet in the kitchen thing. I don't have a whole lot of pull with God, and I'm not even sure he likes me, but I'll do what I can to help you because that is a fabulous idea!

lakeviewer said...

This is a really good prayer, Michel. Now, you know fashion, here today, gone tomorrow.
It's best to ignore the whole thing. Like weather, it will pass.

Except in Montana, I hear. Winters stay for a long, long time, white being the accepted color in the landscape.

Hit 40 said...

Since your stuck in the dessert, you probably have not seen the newest dress fashion. The long flowing dress is back in style from the '70s. It should cover up your little debbie addiction. And, you can hide your machine gun under the dress. Win Win!!!

Gaston Studio said...

I'm with Hit40(well, sorta, no one can REALLY BE with Hit40!) about the A-line, Empress style high waisted dresses being back in style (read available in the stores) and thereby covering a multitude of sins (and muffin tops).

Get a nightgown or sleep shirt in this same style then you'll have no need for a kitchen closet.

Pastor Sharon said...

Hey, aren't toga's an accepted style there? Or am I in the wrong country? You could so get a way with a whole Krispy Kreme franchise underneath a tent like that!

Anywho, for what it's worth, I'll help ya put in a prayer to God. I'm not really sure the whole fashion thing will go over. . . However, I do know that He probably doesn't like to see 'muffin tops' Hanging out from underneath a pre-shrunk t-shirt that shows all my fat rolls. . . Oh wait! I was speaking for him, that's really what I think! And shouldn't we quit using the word "Fat" and just say "healthy"? It just sounds better. Everyone else is changing every other name to be Politically Correct". Clothes us "healthy" women are having to sort through on a clothes rack look like they would easily fit a toddler these days. And for the love of all that is HOLY! Who is the anorexic designer who thinks it's HOT! It's NOT! It's painfully revealing and disgusting to see myself in a three way mirror. . . peeking out from underneath a skinny-mini wantabe outfit. Makes me look like one of those midlife crisis women, trying to re-live my adolecent years, a Daisy Dukes of the sort. However, she was HOT in her sort shorts, shirt and heels!
I guess I should quit blogging in your comment space.
TTFN,
The "healthy" Pastor

Susan said...

Hit40 is so right! Maxi pads I mean dresses are back! Unfortunately for those of us who have back fat and armpit fat made worse by wearing a bra. You're welcome for the visual.

In this house a chubbie or a pudgie is a hard-on. It lends a whole different meaning to your post.

CarrieAnn said...

As the proud manager of a junior girls' clothing store, there is nothing worse than seeing some of these people buy skinny jeans that they have no right to try to fit themselves into! At least some of us recognize that we should not be wearing them. BTW...I own at least five maxi dresses. They rock.

♥ Braja said...

A note from the wardrobe department in the spiritual world: God couldn't care less and wishes you had fashion sense of your own that simply hid your love of Krispy Kremes. He already invented layered chiffon tent dresses....

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Did you hear about the lawsuit being brought against Krispy Kreme in Alexandria? Apparently, their "waste" from doughnut making has completely clogged up huge pipes belonging to the FCWaterAuthority. Makes even me pause and think about what that stuff is doing to my teeny tiny arteries...

Jaime said...

AMEN!

Comedy Goddess said...

You could always pick up smoking. That's what the models do. Oh, and heroin.

♥ Braja said...

Oh, Comedy Goddess, the wise one....bless her for real wisdom. I'm with her. You go girl...get skinny on that!

♥ Braja said...

And can you please come over and ADORE my new banner shot?

I'm only writing this much cos it's Saturday afternoon here and you seem to be the only person in the universe online cos I think all those bloody lazy Americans are in bed....cos it's 2am their time. Bums...

dizzblnd said...

LOL Braja! I was in bed by 10pm


Amen to your prayer sista!

I also have a muffin top. I have it because I am either always blogging, gaming or couch potatoing. Those things make me happy so I am ok with it!

I giggled at your closet in the kitchen. What a novel idea!


My prayers are with you and your family to keep you safe from spiders and all other evil things

Medora said...

Someone destroyed a Krispy Kreme? Where? Who? Do you have their home address?