Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Note to Self:

Never, ever leave work unattended again!!! It is simply not worth it. I believe this has already been mentioned in a number of other blog posts - how work piles up because we all work with a bunch of lazy loser-asses who leave post-its in your office and call it a day -- Blognut had the latest one - and I laughed when I read it, because it was not about me and therefore, it was HILARIOUS.

I'm not laughing now.

I arrived at the office this am to find Paul with a suitcase in hand scurrying to and fro (Paul likes to scurry.) barking out orders to everyone who was walking by him....and then turns to me and says, "Oh, by the way, I'm headed out - be back in a few - things were fine-- well, kinda fine -- okay, so not really Fine, so much as fucked up -- but I'm sure it'll all just work itself out. You're in charge. See you in a few weeks or so. . . . [insert horrified silence here] . . . Good luck. Do you need anything from the States??"

I need a young priest, and an old priest -- because that man is going down!!! Did he not hear me say GOOD DAY!?

So my plan is to rearrange everything in the office -- to include his office - which will now be MY office - and make a few sweeping changes. I plan to institute the following: (1) Pancake breaklunch - where we eat pancakes from arrival until it is time for us to go to lunch; (2) Afterpanlunch Naptime; and (3) Daily Happy Hour(s) until it is time to leave.

We'll see who says good day next!!?

ANYWAY, I digress. Dubai.

Here is your official Dubai tour photos:

This was our bathroom in the hotel. Had a great view although no curtains and I was kinda freaked out to use the bathroom at night with the lights on because if someone were out on that beach and happened to look up - OH HOLY! There I would be - in all my glory - using the facilities! Trust me! Nobody wants to see that shit! (seriously, there was no pun intended there.)

This was the view from the bedroom - NICE, huh!? Also, I checked to ensure that was real grass - it was - but it's all kinda funky grass - the place kinda looks like a putting green there - the pool was great, but filled with women who have clearly never had kids, never eaten a piece of cake in their collective lives, and all wearing suits that are not meant to be in the water and likely cost more than my entire year's salary.

I was seriously worried that there was some sort of indicator the hotel gives the full fare paying guests so that they can readily identify when someone like me shows up for the super saver rate - so that they don't have to actually speak directly to me and can avert their eyes should I happen to be in the elevator at the same time -- because there never was anyone in the elevator with us at the same time and that made me suspicious, frankly....I suspect they all got to use the better elevator and there wasn't a special "block" of elevators for the tower guests -- maybe there was, if by "tower" you mean "poor people," then yes, I guess there WAS a special elevator - and thank you for saving it for me. Bright side? Always there for us!

This was the Dubai Mall - The Falls and the Aquarium. (my picture taking sucks - there were sharks in that thing, but I was too cheap to pay to stand close to it, so this is what you get. And before you bitch, remember, you get what you paid for - and YOU (bitcher) paid how much for this post?? That's what I thought!)

Seriously. I heart the Dubai Mall. However, you know what I do NOT heart?? BRITAIN -- that's right - you heard me - the U, F'n K! Oh, I went there. (and I'll go back again! Just watch me!) HOW DARE YOU! Do you guys have ANY idea the emotional trauma the UK has caused me on this trip?!?! ANY!?

Okay, so we're shopping right? of COURSE we were! (unless of course this is Josh reading this and then what I MEANT to say was, So we were helping orphans, right?) and I see all these signs saying, "SALE" and "70% off"...so naturally, I'm intrigued...I enter - I find all this cute stuff that is some price that can never truly be known - so it's like you're in Vegas - you never know what you're going to win!! (and you usually go home without any money - so it WAS like I was in Vegas!!)

So, I go to try on these adorable outfits -- and the f'n tops don't even remotely fit. the TOPS! (usually not my issue) Horrified that I had contracted some type of hideous and rare form of the dreaded Africa Expanding Disease (usually exacerbated by little Debbie) I yelled for a MEDIC - Or, Christina - who came running - then she explained to me that UK clothing sizes are smaller than US clothing sizes (so vanity sizing has obviously not caught on there - SAVAGES!) So now not only do I have to try on a size I swore to myself I would never wear - I have to do MATH to figure out what the hell to try on!!!

So, we finally just gave up and went to Banana Republic and Bloomingdales. Whatever! It's all good.


Medora said...

Beautiful pics - and I hear you about the work sitch - not as bad where I am now, but when I was in a different building it was a nightmare. Notes left all over my desk about things that other people should have done but didn't, and now it was an emergency and could I please do it? Whatever. Grow up, people, and do the job you are paid to do.

I adore sharks - I would have loved to have seen them.

otin said...

...and to top it all off, you get back and your blogging buddies are picking on you!!!! When I go away nothing piles up, except dirt!LOL!

tera said...

Seriously? You were in Dubai and had all these fab global shops and you went to BANANA REPUBLIC??
Oh, wait. You are in Sudan. And you vacationed in Dubai. So, technically, Banana Republic then becomes a "foreign" or "global" shop, eh?
Alright then.
Carry on.

Susan said...

Shopping and math NEVER go together. Please make Paul's office into the new restroom lounge. Please?

Jaime said...

those are great pictures.

i hate trying stuff on and finding that the sizes are all wrong. of course, i just hate trying on clothes period.

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Hit 40 said...

Great pics from your trip!!!

Definitely redo the office while the mouse is away...

I had fun roasting you on my blog today :-)

Gaston Studio said...

So except for discovering the UK's sizes are smaller than ours, you had a good time, huh? I'm sure you got to eat lots of great things you don't find in Sudan at least.

Yep, ya gotta do the man's office over, way over and the longer he's gone, the more I'd do over! Just saying.

Love that bathroom!

Optimistic Pessimist said...

There that afrian expanding disease is again. I'm glad you mentioned that girl with her crack hanging out the other day probably had that disease. I was worried she just had bad taste. I still kind of want to go to Dubai just to check things out and to be glad I didn't move there.

Comedy Goddess said...

I love the meal plan. Very smart to redo your new offices as well! Great pictures too!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Great photos. Make sure you take photos of the rearranged office too!

darsden said...

Wonderful pictures thanks for sharing your view was absolutely beautiful. Thanks for also going all the way out of your way to make sure the grass was real..lol Fantastic funny post as always made me bust it with your new disease. I have that too..you are so friggin hilarious!

darsden said...

so because he is in the states does that mean you don't get to come home now...have you thought of that could be why he was running so you wouldn't smote him!

Beth said...

I'm so excited about you rearranging that dude's office. And about all the special meals and naps, too. Are there any openings in your department. You are going to be awesome in charge.

Shame on the UK for not fixing the clothing sizes. But on the bright side, you can drop a dress size by walking to a different store.

blognut said...

You're right! That whole lazy ass co-workers leaving you piles of work is WAY funnier when it happens to somebody else. Effing hell!!! :)

You need to pour a can of coke on top of that dude's desk a couple of days before he comes back to work. That way it'll be all sticky and there will be bugs and shit stuck to it.

Fragrant Liar said...

I'm so jealous of your Dubai hotel resort thingamajig. What an awesome view. I imagine you gave Dubai an awesome view from your bathroom too! I would have! Just, you know, to say you did it.

I'm a little concerned that you were at the Dubai Mall and you ended up in Banana Republic. That's so not Africa. Is it? I mean, come on! BR? That's like Butt Retail. You can do better. Unless you got some smokin' deals, then we can forgive you because Josh would want us to.

Reddirt Woman said...

Be curious to hear what he dumped on you. The description of his scurrying seemed a little more frantic. And, I have to ask, did he look you in the eye at any point?


bernthis said...

okay that bathroom thingy,situation would have totally had me bathing in the day time in a bathing suit.

Captain Dumbass said...

Since I'll be in need of employment soon, do you think I could come work with you? I like your management style. Sure, Sudan is a hella long commute from Western Canada, but it sounds like a good job.

PS. WTH is with your American sizes? I bought some shorts online last year in my size and the damn things fell off.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

The damn, bloody Brits and their size conspiracy!