Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Time That the Lights Went Out in Khartoum

Yes, it is officially that time again . The time of the year I dread every time I PCS (i.e. move) to a Muslim country... the dreaded RAMADAN. For the next 30 days I will be forced to rummage for food, forage in the garbage piles with my stray dogs to try to find a little scrap of food that was thrown out from the previous nights Ifthar feast.

Okay, so it's not THAT bad, but still. EVERYTHING is closed during the day!! There are no restaurants to give me lunch. I'm forced to plan ahead and pack a lunch.

OH THE INHUMANITY!

Naturally, I totally forgot today. So then, I decided that I would try to be culturally sensitive, to embrace the experience with the local Sudanese population and participate in the Ramadan tradition of no food, drink, smoking -- NOTHING passes your lips except prayers (for food in my case) until the sun goes down and the mosque announces that it is chow time.

Ramadan ended for me at about 2:00 today when I found a can of soup that I had packed previously and then decided it was too yucky to eat because it was both low-sodium and organic. *barf*

I totally suck at cultural sensitivity. I'm not really sure why I even try anymore.

PLUS, I would like to publicly post Exhibit A for you - the contents of some hate mail I received from Blognut. Clearly, she wants to win the contest at Gaston Studios so badly, she is resorting to sending me letters with the threatening words "For You" underneath... I think we all know what that means.


HATEFUL!

Jane, please note this unsportsmanlike activity when choosing a winner. I also suspect that blognut called paypal and told them not to let me use their services because amazingly enough, when I tried to use netgrocer.com (because I suddenly really wanted a snack for some reason), they told me I was currently under sanctions and, therefore, could NOT use their services.

When will governments understand that sanctions only hurt the innocent diplomats assigned to foreign countries?!?!

Obviously, Ramadan has already started making me cranky. You guys might want to prepare yourselves. We've got another 29 days to go.

I'm just saying. Would it kill you guys to send me a damn snack?!?!

28 comments:

otin said...

I am against any religion that restricts my eating habits! We should start a faith, Little Debbie could be the Goddess, Sara Lee could sit at her right hand, and Hershey could be their Heaven! Are you in??? LMAO!

Michel said...

Shit No Otin! You're going to hell. BLASPHEMER!

Dear God,
I do not know Otin.
Love,
Michel

(Otin, I can't take any chances. I had to throw you under the bus. you understand.)

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

So. What happens if you open a big home lunch and eat it in front of the locals at lunch. Yummy noises and all?

Beth said...

Maybe it is time for some diplomats to open up a restaurant that doesn't ever close for lunch. Think it would work?

dizzblnd said...

Ugh I feel for ya! I don't know if I would be to embrace a custom where I couldn't eat all damn day. WTH?

I admire your for trying though.

Good luck with it all.

Blognut is evil that way.. that's why we all love her

Mrs. K said...

My husband doesn't eat on Yom Kippur, but being the nice catholic girl that I am...I decide to splurge on bread, wine, fish all things good as my tribute to his inability to eat...he he he he

A Mom on Spin said...

Oh you poor, poor, thing! The indignities you have to endure!!!

darsden said...

dang I just spit my hoho out on my screen...at your reply to otin...bawhahahaha
geaux blognut and then there is otin

I would send you some but by the time they got there they would be goo... okay I will send you some m&m's that way you will have one big one!

darsden said...

and the reason you aren't more understanding.. is because It's NOT about you.. Now if the holiday was about you it would be a whole nother ball game now wouldn't it. ;-)

lakeviewer said...

A holiday with no food during daylight. Uhm...what's the point,again? Do we need to remember something important?

Margo said...

No food? No fair! It goes on for 30 days? Can you get in on these ifthar feasts? (over from Jane's)

blognut said...

LOL! If I weren't so damn blind, I'd have realized that the picture I sent you was a blur.

Kinda made it look I was jogging past the Little Debbie snacks at the store and I totally wasn't.

I lingered.

I studied.

And? I bought!!!

blognut said...

Oh, wait! Was I supposed to send you some, too?

Huh.

I think they're all gone now.

blognut said...

Are there any other aisles in the store that you would like me to photograph for you?

'Cause I totally will.

I'm waaaaay nice like that.

rxBambi said...

Ohhh! I love the new bloggy look! I go away for a few days and you totally change things on me. WTF? Anyway, give me your address and I'll send you food. Promise. No low sodium or organic crap I promise...

rxBambi said...

Oh yeah, I meant to ask you. I changed my settings... how are the comments now? Working well for ya?

Reddirt Woman said...

I'm right there with rxBambi. No one should be deprived of their lunch or Lil Debbie's. And Dar you know HoHos and Lil Debbies can ship anywhere. They've got enough shit preservatives in them to survive even Khartoum's heat. And if by some strange reason they did melt think of the fun you'd have imagining Michel ripping them open and licking them off the packaging...

Send me your address Michel... I'll take pity on you. Maybe care packages will get there before Ramadan is over.

And what is it with a holiday that you aren't supposed to eat?

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I'm with Otin. Don't mess with my food supply.

Jason, as himself said...

How about an i.v.? Nothing passes the lips, but you still get your nourishment. Look in to that for me, please, and report back.

Do they have Twinkie flavored i.v.s? How about salt and pepper Kettle chip i.v.s?

Comedy Goddess said...

Where have I been? It looks great over here!

I will never understand a culture that does not glorify over eating American style. Poor you!

Hit 40 said...

This is not going to help...

but I love whole foods!! You can buy cake by the slice. I am addicted. So much for trying to lose weight!! I bought a piece of every cake - carrot, white chocolate raspberry, chocolate silk raspberry, and a piece of apple pie. My kids are helping me eat it. Yummy!!

Sanctions?? What evil ruler decides who is under sanctions from the netgrocer? So not cool!!!

Captain Dumbass said...

You should try catching one of those dingos that hang around your place.

Mmm, BBQ.

blognut said...

Oh, man! Captain Dumbass just made me throw up in mouth a little.

Dude, that is nasty. ;)

Gaston Studio said...

Oooooweeee Captain, that's sick!

First of all Michel, I don't CHOOSE the winner, remember, it'll be the FIRST person who sends in all the correct answers by deadline. But I do have a runnerup position where I could cheat for someone.

Second, that was really mean of you Blognut, to send Michel that blurry photo of the snack cake aisle! Sorry I didn't think of it first.

Third, it's only the MUSLIMS that can't eat during Ramadan days. Michel, you could totally sneak some food in the janitor's closet or somewhere. Set up a little Hibachi in there and cook away as I can't see you packing a lunch in a little brown paper bag.

That one girl said...

Fist of all, starving yourself isn't even good for you, it just slows your metabolism. Gosh, that has got to be hard!

And, to resort to a can of soup, wow, that is desperate.

I felt too lazy to make breakfast but thanks to you I feel lucky I can even have some, so off to eat...

Good luck girl!

Medora said...

You wouldn't catch me there. I know I keep saying that, but it's true.

rubbish said...

Wow, 29 days left. Can't wait to see how cranky you get. I'm guessing you'll be Whacko Jacko cranky by Thursday and Off the scale by next Tuesday.

Suzy said...

Sounds like France, which shuts down the entire month of August. It's just so wrong.