I'm kinda not sure why I feel the need to consistently notify Canada that THAT IS NOT BACON....but it's probably because they keep insisting on calling it bacon, when it's kinda just thin-cut ham. I get very confused by Canada. If you insist you're no longer a British colony (although did you actually tell the people in the UK that? Do they know?? Can I bring it up??), then why is the Queen still on your money?? Why do you still ask her stuff?? I mean, sure! She has great hats and all, but still. It's confusing to Americans.
Obviously I got distracted again, but Canada has some explaining to do!
So anyway, I've been back here in Khartoum for about 6 days now and I have realized that there was a LOT of stuff that I simply took for granted when I lived in Virginia - remember when I used to say it was hot in Virginia?? haha.... good times.
Anyway, I feel like I didn't really treasure the goodness that is America when I had access to it. Therefore, I thought I would point out just a few things so that you can be thankful for what you have:
FIRST, when you're in the States, you'll likely not going to have to go to a meeting with some British people at the British Embassy who will tell you they will see you at "Half-Eight tomorrow."
HALF EIGHT?? WTF does that mean!? Listen up UK, I can barely do math when I have to do so, I certainly don't need you setting meeting times with me in story problem format!!
WTF?! Am I supposed to go there at 4?? At 7:30 pm?? At 8:30 pm? Now I'm totally going to have to show up at random times throughout the day and go, "heeeeey...???....I know you said 'half eight' but I just happened to be walking near your Embassy....oh, well, not really WALKING per se, I mean, that would be wrong because we're not really allowed to do that unless we're encased in an armored shell... so I was just...I mean...."
Next, remember how I told you guys I was on a big ole diet because I totally ate waaay too much and drank a lot of beer while I was in the States (treasuring my ability to actually ORDER a beer when you go out to a restaurant, however, as it turns out -- SOMETIMES, just because you CAN do something, doesn't necessarily mean you SHOULD do it. I'm just saying. Sometimes (like at breakfast and stuff) you shouldn't. It could happen.)
Anyway, I've been on this diet and exercise program for literally fours of days now and instead of being all skinny and happy, I'm just hungry and hurtey!! It has become apparent that exercise is not really for me. Since it was day four, I figured I was ready for the "big girl weights" in my Ogilve Home Pilates routine that I "do" in the morning before work -- I KNOW! How dedicated am I?? -- as it turns out, however, I was not.
So, as I was telling Kat today (who is forced to listen to my complaints on a daily basis at work in in Washington, and is likely to end up with a sainthood), I realized that I am being held to an unfair Standard as far as making sure you don't get so fat that your clothes no longer fit. Why? You ask??
Because! As I have pointed out previously to anyone who will listen (and when I need to justify a new clothing purchase with the hubby) there are basically two temperatures of water available in Sudan:
Molten Hot Lava.
As a result, my clothes are shrinking at an astronomical rate!! I realize that nobody will believe me - ESPECIALLY when I tend to wax poetic about American heros such as Little Debbie and Dolly Madison....
THEREFORE, in order to avoid a potential humiliating experience where I end up cashing it all in and moving back in with my parents (ostensibly to take care of them) and getting myself a kitty that I swear thinks it's people, I think it would just be EASIER for all involved if science would stop messing around with cloning crap and just figure out which one is the fat gene and then come over here and suck it out of me.
Oh, and while you're here, an Africa Fly got into my office today and has been harassing me all day. He is creating a hostile work environment!!! So anyway, while you're here, please deport his ass him back to Sudan.
He doesn't have a badge.
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
13 hours ago