Sunday, August 30, 2009

Have You Ever Just Really Disliked Someone??

This rant has been a long time coming. I have tried. I really did...and when I say "tried" I mean, I thought about it at least 3 times and tried to talk myself into being reasonable....however, to no avail. Therefore, I feel like I really, really have to get this out:

I cannot stand one of the new arrivals here in Khartoum.

I've done my best to pretend to be nice, to hide my looks of horror whenever I encounter this person. However, it simply can't be done. Newbie drives me bat shit crazy!

This person is inappropriately over-confident. Now granted, I adore being the center of attention - always have. However, I have NEVER (in my entire life) walked into a room full of people I have never met and announced that I was going to throw myself a "Welcome to Khartoum Party" and everyone was invited. When greeted with shocked silence because, ummm...WHO ARE THE HELL ARE YOU? - newbie follows up the announcement with - I live very near to Michel and Anna. They'll bring the booze and dishes since I don't have anything.

I'm sorry, WHAT?

WTF!? Besides the really serial killer stalker-like access to inappropriate information, such as "How the hell did you know where we live and what our names are??" -- besides THAT -- I do not go to parties of people I do not know unless forced to do so by my duties as a representative of the USG - I am CERTAINLY NOT going to socialize with someone I have never actually met, has some kinda f'd up unprouncable name (worse than mine), and is someone whom I have instantly taken a dislike to (this unfortunately, is not rare for me though...)! THEREFORE, I will not provide you with the glassware to host this unsanctioned event. If you want to capitalize on Anna's (not mine so much, I think everyone universally hates me here) popularity at the Embassy - you're going to have to pay for it. Much like Paris Hilton, Anna's parties are always a hit. As such, I've since taken it upon myself to be her manager. And listen up NEWBIE, you can't afford it. For you, I have just raised the rates.

The other weekend Newbie walks into a dinner party (to which they were not actually invited) - a somewhat somber event - and announces that they were having a karaoke party at their house - and we could all come over and join them. Again, greeted with shocked silence...this person just helps themselves to a glass of wine and then leaves.


Oh, it's not over! THEN, Newbie proceeds to send people from their residence over to where we are and they too help themselves to wine or drinks (because this person does not have any) and then (in shame, because they know this is just f'n wrong) they run back over to the newbie's residence!

PLUS, this person is eff'n WIERD! Granted, you get all kinds in the foreign service -- believe me, I've met most of them. However, I honestly think there is something wrong here. It's almost if this person is trying too hard -- calls themselves "eccentric."

Newflash newbie: Rich people can label themselves eccentric -- poor people on a government salary are just effin crazy.

And you want to know the worst part?? The WORST part is that this morning, as I walked out of my house to go to my car - one of the local workers stopped me and said, "Oh, did you move to a new house?"


"Oh! I thought you were the newbie."


Sudan just keeps getting better and better!


Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

THis blog reading on the weekends sure works out for your posting time Michel. First again.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

"Rich people can label themselves eccentric -- poor people on a government salary are just effin crazy." Awesome.

I think some form of sneak ambush is in order...

rxBambi said...

Michel + Newbie = Riotously funny stuff

Can we do that math? Post more post more!

PS- I guess you're NOT Jesus if you hate newbie cuz he's (she's?) effin crazy on a government salary. BTW - I'll be using this line :)

darsden said...

okay did you check on that job info I sent you.. seriously it's time to leave the sand pit. Being rude is unacceptable especially if they are drinking your alcohol don't they know you need every drop so you can keep us informed about their rude stupid asses!!! LOCK THE DOORS then they can come in and all 35 or 100 how ever many of you are there..pretend your NOT there!

darsden said...

Ready to Posse' up for the Mob scene not.. I will call all my peeps we will keep some Newbie & eccentrics asses!!

Mango Girl said...

I have met a few people like that in my lifetime; I am with you. I will try and try to be nice and like them. Then I simply must give into my "bat-shit crazy asshole radar", run far and fast.

I DESPISE arrogance like that!

Lorac said...

Hi Michel! Sounds like a very nasty person with no though other then herself. Do you think you will ever be BFF? HA! Just kidding!

Esmerelda said...

I hate to say this, but I need you to hang out with her some more. Because I need to hear more about her. For the sake of your readers (oh, ok just me), sacrifice your sanity.

PS - I have never encountered anyone like Newbie. This is a first for me.

Love your blog, trying not to sound like a stalker. and apparently failing miserably.

Suzy said...

Assholes are everywhere. I have 5 in my building and even though it's probably illegal, I'd killll them over a nickel.

A Mom on Spin said...

Any chance Newbie will get shipped somewhere else? Real quick? You know. . . before he/she actually gets stuff?

And who did newbie get to attend the karaoke party anyway? The blind, deaf, and dumb???

otin said...

I thought you were talking about me!! LOL!

Gaston Studio said...

This is just too much, even for you Michel. I'll volunteer right now to send my son over there to kick some ass; in Josh's absence, I mean.

dizzblnd said...

OMG no wonder you are pissed! Rightfully so too. Peole like her drive me nuts.

I have a co-worker I am about ready to go off on soon. If shee calls me "mama" "Miss Patti" "baby" "hun" "sugar" or "gorgeous" 1 more time.. I am gonna lose it!

I hope you get her straightened out soon.

AmyK said...

I'm a newbie to your blog but I'm hooked now. I need to find out what happens here. You cannot be the only person that felt this way. Her party will be a bust.

Optimistic Pessimist said...

Hey you tried and it didn't happen...I say go on with the disliking. They probably deserve it anyway. I usually like everyone but there are some people that I just get a "feeling" about and just don't like them and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Best of luck avoiding the newbie.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like she is really insecure and REALLY overcompensating! However it doesn't make it pleasant to be around someone like that. I think someone needs to send you some really good chocolate. Chocolate therapy always seems to help me deal with these kind of people

Beth said...

Who has karoke parties anymore? That is so 2002.

I have some awful Avacado liquor I could send you. It looks like green pea soup and smells like vomit. You could give it to the Newbie and pretend that EVERYONE loves that stuff. Then you could point and laugh at the Newbie behind her back.

I have other ideas if you need.

Reddirt Woman said...

Wait a minute, Michel... Are you sure the newbie is really that effin' pretentious or are you mad because YOU didn't think of throwing yourself a welcome to Karthoum party...

Assholes of any gender get on my last nerve and I figure you really don't like this person because, among other things, the newbie (I refuse to capitalize that name)volunteering YOUR BOOZE... I think not! and is no only stupid but rude, to boot. How in the hell can they be excited about being in the big kitty litter sand pit of the world and then volunteer everyone else's stuff to be used for their party.

I'm with you on this one...


Heidi said...

It is extremely difficult to work with people you can't stand. I'm lucky because there are only a couple people at work I dislike and they are tolerable.
My neighbor on the other hand is someone I can't stand to be near even a minute. If I hear her voice, especially her laugh, even if it's from the other side of the grocery store, I cringe and hide.
Perhaps you could suggest she get some paper products, if available there, as you are busy that night.
She sounds really rude.

That one girl said...

Muah-ha-ha! I love this.

YES, I have hated someone but really for no reason.

She tried WAY too hard and bobbed her head to the side when she talked. It drove me nuts. She was WAY too nice to me and I peed all over her 'nice parade'. I was such a B word to her. I was horrible.

Now her and her boy don't talk to us. Oops.

lakeviewer said...

Now Michel, cool it. He/she is just scared, trying too hard to fit in. Didn't he/she invite you all to his/her place? Isn't that the sign of a scared person, quick to invite to guarantee that people take them in?

Pastor Sharon said...

Okay, Michel. . . it's time to send out the troops to get you.
Tell us how we all need to pack. We are coming to your city!
We are going to get you outta there!
This is too much! It's now completely over the line.
You have thrown up the flag and we are coming in to get you!
And take Jane's offer! It's time!

Anonymous said...

Michel, I left you something over at my place. Hopefully it will brighten your day and make you forget about the newby for a minute. OR, we can get more great stories about how insanely psycho crazy she is making you!

Hit 40 said...

How did I miss this post?? Really?? You snuck it in on me.

Curses to my real job!!

Newbie must go. How rude drinking your wine and sending others over to drink it??? Very odd. Keep the little debbies hidden from her.

♥ Braja said...

Oh honey I KNOW....some rather ugly newbies showed their true faces to me recently. I sent them back from whence they came: ignoresville :)

tera said...

Oh. My. Gosh.
Pastor Sharon, cover your ears. Er, eyes.

Michel - can you maybe just slip some arsenic into some Little Debbie and pretend to be their friend until they eat it? I'm sure Debbie wouldn't mind. It's all for the good of mankind, right?

Medora said...

There are some people I just can't stand. I can't even fake it. I just walk away when they approach - it may seem rude, but what I have to say to them is even more so.

McGillicutty said...

Should there be a next time, just look her/him square in the eye and say "get the fuck outta my house beaaattchh". that way everyone will be clear on the situation. No hard feelings.

McGillicutty said...

p.s. adore the new layout!!!!