Thursday, August 27, 2009

The One with the Angry Mob Lament....

Before I begin, I probably should report that the sun did come out today. The great lakes will probably dry up tomorrow, and I will likely return to my regularly scheduled bitching about how hot and dusty it is in Sudan by Saturday.
==================================

Ramadan will probably kill me. Forecasters predict about a 92% chance of death.

I keep getting invited to go to these dinners and social events for Ramadan (no, I'm not sure why either. I have been pretty open about my hatred of people in general. It's a mystery to me too) and they don't end until like 0300 in the morning! And before you start thinking, "oh cool! She partied all night" let me caveat my statement: there is no alcohol. Seriously. Someone kill me now. Not only did I have to stay up waaay past my bedtime, I STILL had to get up and go into the Embassy at the regular time.

It's totally not fair that the Sudanese simply get to turn their schedule around - like they went to DC - they're on your time now - but I am forced to fast because everyone closes their shops during the day (as they're all asleep and I'm too lazy to pack a lunch) and then have to stay up all night and eat dinner AFTER 9 pm (which we all know is a diet abomination) and then get up and pretend to work for 8 hours. It's a damn outrage! This cannot stand! We need to let the Sudanese fake-fasters know how we feel!

WHO'S WITH ME!?

Damnitt! It's really difficult to get an angry mob all fired up if you're sitting by yourself in your house while you guys are all at work!

Which reminds me. I'm really starting to think that we Americans might be culturally flawed. Seriously. When was the last time you tried to start up an angry mob?? You can never get anyone to join you without some busybody demanding an explanation WHY we would want them to riot in the streets or someone pointing out some sort of logistical issue (i.e, if we do that, the po po will bust a cap in our asses).

That's not how an angry mob works people!

In many ways similar to the beginnings of a Congo Line at a wedding after everyone has visited the open bar for a period of no less than 42 minutes and the band starts playing 80s music, an angry mob needs to be able to grow as it moves....with people hopping on board even though they don't know why or where the mob is going with this song..they just need to accept it is 80s music and, therefore, they need to be a part of it.

Is this too much to ask??

Other wise, things are good. For those of you who want to know how I did on Jane's contest (whom I suspect are just trying to lord it over me that they know the answers and I do not) I decided to be the better person. To let someone more deserving than I win. It's Ramadan you know. In the spirit of kindness and compassion, I took myself out of the running.

Plus, that shit was hard. I couldn't even find the quote that came from my own damn blog, let alone the others.

WHATEVAH!

66 comments:

Smart Mouth Broad said...

First. OK, now I'll go back and read. :-)

darsden said...

damn you SMB

darsden said...

I read that's not fair so now Michel will pay the price with me spamming her

darsden said...

YOU ain't letting anybody else win over at Jane's you just too damn lazy to go look!

What's wrong with 80's music it was the best and the best of the one hit wonders did you NOT go get the knowledge from Blognut this morining..JEEPERS CREEPERS you are LAYZZZZ

Now I know why you get smoted so much... xoxo

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Me neither. She's quoting me and I don't know what she's talking about. WTH?

Smart Mouth Broad said...

@dar - Bwahahahaha!

Middle Aged Woman said...

Here in America we call the wedding/dance-y thing a CongA line. The concept of a CongO line is leaving me somewhat perplexed. Wait. That's my normal state. MORE perplexed.

darsden said...

by the way where are Jack and Kernel haven't heard from them in a while!

Comedy Goddess said...

Not first.
Not it.
Not cranky.
Where and when does that angry mob meeting meet?

lakeviewer said...

I'm sure I'm in the wrong mob too; I sleep late, go to sleep early; eat small meals all day long, with wine. What are you complaining again? The parties? At least you got parties; what if you just got to work and back? Is that why you left the states?

A Mom on Spin said...

You couldn't get me to stay 10 minutes at a party without alcohol!

rxBambi said...

Ditto AMOS! No wine, no Bambi!!

CarrieAnn said...

I always worry about the po po.

Reddirt Woman said...

I cannot believe that you managed to stay at a party until 3 a.m. with no booze and didn't wake up in jail for attempted murder of some asshat that thought you liked people... who didn't realize you were just there to EAT!

MAW, Michel went to a different wedding...in a different country... in a different world. WTF... Michel doesn't need me except for the mob. Go ahead, correct her spelling!

And Dar said DAMN! What is this world coming to???

Helen

Pastor Sharon said...

I believe I am sensing hostility here. Oh wait, isn't that what I sense here a lot. Obviously, the ark has landed and things are going back to almost normal except you have to starve. . . .I'm sorry honey. . . . life throws such curve balls! It's a wonder one hasn't knocked a window out at your place.

Don't get too mobbish. . . my brother went through this when he lived in a Middle East country for a while. . . . I hear their form of fire works is shooting guns up in the air all night. . . .those bullets come back down at the same speed!

Stay inside, sista!!!!!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I could give up the eating. Not so sure about the alcohol.

otin said...

Two words for you: MOVE BACK!!! LOL!

Gaston Studio said...

Hey, I'm with you! I'll definitely join an angry mob,regardless of what they're angry about. I'm just plain in the MOOD to do some mobbing!

♥ Braja said...

I'm with you on the fake-fasting thing. I think you should roll up armed to the teeth with AK47s and blow some fun-holes in the ceiling and tell them it's Allah's will....just to, y'know, see what happens...
xoxo

♥ Braja said...

I love Sharon's comment....:))))) lol'ing a lot...

darsden said...

Officer dar special forces Blog patrol badge no. 000069... Yes ma'am I have been called to these premises on a fear of a mob lynching....what seems to be the trouble ma'am

♥ Braja said...

I think she's the one who's gonna be lynched if she rolls up to any more Ramadan feasts with AK47s

darsden said...

Yes, ma'am I understand there is a problem could you quit frialing your arms and tell me what it is please

♥ Braja said...

It's the fake fasting that kills me....

darsden said...

LOL, she is going to be dancing and it's not two stepping..!

♥ Braja said...

Bullet dodging

darsden said...

you know she is in the closet ( ;-) eating hoho's

darsden said...

you got it...she is going be doing the quick step

♥ Braja said...

Don't they shoot at your feet and make you dance, just for their entertainment? Wait...is Michel about to become some kind of palace dancing girl, the Sudanese version of a natch girl?????

♥ Braja said...

I don't wanna ask what a ho-ho is, but whatever....
:)

darsden said...

How ya doing Braja ma'am this here is officer dar just keeping this in line around here in blogland

darsden said...

LOL its'a lil debbie chocolate cake

♥ Braja said...

OMG, she IS going to these nightly shindigs just to get her natch-girl groove on, isn't she???

darsden said...

the ho is eating ho ho's lol

♥ Braja said...

You can't keep me in line, Dar...you DO know that, don't you? Of course you do. That's why we're friends....

darsden said...

LOL yes I think she is...

darsden said...

Yes ma'am there is only one I answer to Ma'am is my boss I know who signs my paycheks

♥ Braja said...

I think she needs spiritual guidance. Thus I am here to guide her through her fake fasting exploits

darsden said...

Wonder if she has left the ark yet

♥ Braja said...

In that country there's no ark left: they ATE all the animals during their fake fast.

darsden said...

yes, riding the ark is not the way to get there... need a lil bit more than just an ark

darsden said...

LOL I thought that was a rib bone I saw her waving out the window

darsden said...

oh she is sooo gonna be smoted now

♥ Braja said...

OK this is meant to be a roasting but if we're talking about arks and animals, this goes against all my spiritual values. Can we roast the humans who are fake fasting? That I can live with....yeah!!

darsden said...

uhmmm F5 F5 F5 LOL ma'am

♥ Braja said...

SMOTING!!! Yes....time for smoting. I think God will smote the fake fasters.

darsden said...

sure we can... I have notice that attitude of hers is coming back in full force

♥ Braja said...

And another thing: God will smote me if I'm still in my pyjamas when my family arrives here for the last day I'm spending with them.....I gotta go and prepare....

darsden said...

let the water rise she's all ...bla bla bla
let them drain and she goes insane with an ak47

♥ Braja said...

God sent her there as his representative to spread smoting notes everywhere to warn the fake fasters....

darsden said...

dang Braja...you are going to be written up for ya mama calling you back to the house already

darsden said...

just wanted to let you know you will be ticketed ma'am

♥ Braja said...

And thus it was spoken. Let the fake fasters be smoted, and let the Queen of Smote-land be reigning everywhere.

♥ Braja said...

And you and your ticketing can bite me
:))))

darsden said...

wha cha think ya gotta have a Pastor here for witness What's up with that, and why aren't you dressed already woman

darsden said...

LOL yes ma'am happy to bite you ;-)

darsden said...

xoxoxo you have been partially roasted...since my queen has to leave YOU are lucky this time missy

Beth said...

Holy carp! You just enlightened me! Yom Kippur is coming up next month and I totally suck at fasting. I just need to stay up all night eating and then sleep all day. The only problem is that sleeping isn't usually recommended in the synagogue. Damnnit!

Optimistic Pessimist said...

I would die if i had to experience Ramadan. Seriously with my slighly normal food obsessions i'd never make it. I'd probably start hunting the stay animals about town over my lunch break. That's how bad it would get.

blognut said...

I can't bear the thought of fasting. I can't.

I thought you were sending me cookies. Did you soak them in flood water? Are they diet cookies?

Dar told me to come for the roast, but I was eating dinner with the family... at a sensible time... 7'ish. That's what we civilized folks do.

I didn't eat any animals off the sudanese ark, though.

Susan said...

Gawd,I hate people, too. But I'm rather partial to you so I gave you an award on my site that you already have. You're welcome.

Fragrant Liar said...

The Congo line? HAHAHAHA, you have been in Afreaka too long! Besides, that is the Bunny Hop, and everyone knows that who knows anything about America. You are so shining us on!

Roast? What roast?

Pastor Sharon said...

Alas. . . I am home and the Blog Police and Her Royal Queenness of India has been here and I missed it.

I was teaching a class.

Well, it looks as if the place is still partially in tact. No fasting prayer needed here. . . as you were. . :)

Amy said...

So sorry I missed the fun here!!!

Michel - I do have one question. . .
If they are fasting during the hours the sun is up and then just simply reversing their hours and schedules is that really fasting. I thought fasting was giving up something and replacing that time you spend with that "something" in prayer and such. Sounds like they are not fasting at all. Just sleeping through it, and pigging out during the night hours!!! Veerrryy Innntteerreessting!!!

Captain Dumbass said...

After the Revolution you guys kinda lamed out with the organized violence. And before you respond with some type of Canadian joke I have two words for you: playoff hockey.

Hit 40 said...

I won Jane's contest :-) I plan to get some cute earrings.