Saturday, August 29, 2009

I'd Like to Give a Big God Bless or Shout Out, Depending on your Company's Mission Statement

I care not. I would just like to acknowledge the following products for making my life just a little bits better on a daily basis:

GOD BLESS the makers of Velveeta -- I don't know how on earth you conned science into making you a cheese food product that can withstand melting in 140 degree heat (Fahrenheit because how the HELL do you convert Fahrenheit to Celsius anyway??? it's a number that can never be known!!) and sitting in a Sudanese customs department just waiting, patiently....and then REFORMING itself into your cheesefood upon refrigeration....creating a totally yummy cheese-like product that makes the best damn grilled cheese sandwich this side of the Mississippi (and/or Atlantic, whichever is more appropriate)!

I heart you Velveeta!! May you continue to clog my arteries for all my days!!!

GOD BLESS Little Debbie: Although I feel as though I hardly knew ye, I know that one day - when I can con net grocer into working with me again, we will meet again. Your swiss rolls are an inspiration to peace negotiators world wide - Lord knows I would totally agree to whatever country rolled out a plan with a side of Swiss Rolls - I'm IN! PLUS, did you know she made those moon pie things?? She's a visionary. I'm honestly not sure why she has not been given some sort of acknowledgment for her tasty treats. It's an outrage, frankly.

I heart you Little Debbie!! I would give you a visa without filling out an application!

GOD BLESS the Swiss Miss - do you have any idea how wonderful a glass of hot chocolate is when you're looking out on day 3 of torrential downpour in Sudan, knowing that you then have to try to drive to the Embassy through what could rival Lake Huron on the Streets of Khartoum? Why the hell do we not drive those duck boats again? Those are always fun...I could make a lotta friends (and some extra cash for little debbies's frankly) if I had a duck boat and could pick up stranded Sudanese.

I heart you Swiss Miss. You need not explain any banking transactions post WWII to me!

GOD BLESS Hit 40 for sending me movies to watch during Ramadan. Sweet Home Alabama has never been so good!! God, I hate Ramadan. IS that wrong? I'm F'n hungry...and I swear our mail is not coming in these days - although someone mentioned that you have to actually order something in order to get mail, but I'm not really buying his theory. We'll see..

And/Or;

GOD BLESS Blogger.com for giving me something to do on the "weekend" in Khartoum when we are stranded by lack of drainage on the roads and Ramadan! I look forward to my comments - Oh, I'll admit it -- I'm a comment HO. It's what keeps me going!!!

I'm sure there are "other" things to be thankful for....however, they should probably make themselves known to me if they want a shout out via the blog! I'm just trying to acknowledge those that were there in my time of need....I'm not running for Jesus!

32 comments:

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

First.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I heart velveeta too. I dont even want to ever read the ingredients. I also heart grilled cheese sandwiches.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Let me know if you need more movies...

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

How many comments do you think I can put up before Hit 40, Otin, or Darsden finally show up?

I love Saturdays...

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I find it interesting that you have your blog set on West Coast time...

darsden said...

Glad to see you counting some blessing there girl..LOL even if most of them are about eating and drinking.. ;-) thank you for your kind words today on my blog.

otin said...

Damn that Hit40! She still has not sent me anything!!!!!!! hahaha!

Optimistic Pessimist said...

All things to be thankful for. Do you have potato chips in Sudan? That is one thing I could never live without.

A Mom on Spin said...

Life without Velveeta would not be worth living. . .

Reddirt Woman said...

You had me at Velveeta... and then Moon Pies... Am I in Heaven???

Helen

Gaston Studio said...

OMG, you have all the food groups there, so why are you always complaining? And, Eileen sent you movies?! Girl, you're actually in Paris, it just LOOKS like Khartoum!

Beth said...

The only time I ever had Velveeta cheese food was when I was in college. And it was awesome!

Would it be wrong for me to change my husband's birthday dinner menu now?

rxBambi said...

First: I thought you WERE Jesus. OMG.
Second: Do you have Rotel to go with your Velveeta? Makes it mucho tasty!
Third: F = 9/5C+32 or conversely C = 5/9(F-32)
DUH. so 140F = 60C Double Duh. :P

♥ Braja said...

i'm standin' in front of Michel's bakery. Damned shame you're not here to EAT YOUR OWN NAME.
Woot. I'm sendin' you the photo. Cos I KNOW you think I'm lyin'....xoxo

dizzblnd said...

Awwwwwwwww God bless YOU for going through all that!

I LOVE the little debbies... unfortunately, so do my hips and my belly...sigh

Now go make me a grilled cheese please.. I'm starving

Jason, as himself said...

I'm pretty sure it's a grievous sin to say, "God, I hate Ramadan." Unless of course, you're starving all day, in which case it is justifiable.

Captain Dumbass said...

You should try grilled cheese with La vache qui rit. Sure it's like sticking a cholestrol gun to your head but who cares!?

Pastor Sharon said...

Oh wow! The shouts out and God blesses just made me think of the Holiness that Ramadan has brought you to. And here you thought it was the holiday from hell!
Just look have spiritual you have grown with all those heart blessin's to all those food people!
God is smiling at you . . . and going, "Yeah, I Love that whipper-snapper! I am especially fond of her!"
Now, go fix a grill cheese for me too! I'm bringing tomato soup to go with it! YUM!

Amy said...

I totally thought of you today and even laughed out loud a little when I was grocery shopping and went down the isle filled with little debbie snacks. Almost bought some swiss rolls just so I could tell you that I was eating them in your honor.

And Velvetta. . . yep, nothin's better!!! I make a mean Queso with Velvetta, and I do love grilled cheese with it!

At least you have a good movie and blogger friends to get you through the weekend! Eat up while you are home. Maybe you can store it up like a chipmunk and make it through the week while you are at work. LOL Just got a visual of you with your cheeks full of snack cakes!

rubbish said...

I've got some DVD's I want to get rid of if you want them. God bless Amazon.

Hit 40 said...

You got your DVR working!!! Congrats. Bad Santa is the real winner. Let us know if you watch that one.

I think you need to watch some Dexter or Weeds. I wonder if Netflik delivers to Sudan?? I bet it would through the USG mail. There are no late fees or time limits on the netflik deliveries.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I think the true beauty of Velveeta cannot fully be appreciated until you leave the mainland of the good ole USA. Not that I have personally experienced it (I need to get out more) but every single person I know who doesn't live here sees Velveeta as a god. My brother lives on Maui....LOVES Velveeta. I see Pseudo feels the same, you and so many others. Long Live Velveeta! And all its cheese food friends. YaYa!

Fragrant Liar said...

My Smotilian Sudanese Sister, you have not lived until you've had mac 'n' cheese a la Velveeta. It is the only way to eat it, and you will no longer need Josh. Well, okay maybe for SOME things, but come on, Velveeta is the shiz. Ppppshaaaw on real cheese.

Comedy Goddess said...

What? Am I chopped liver?

~Betty Crocker

Comedy Goddess said...

Don't forget Aunt Jemimah.
She'll kick your uppity butt till hell won't have it again.

Comedy Goddess said...

Duncan Hines is good in bed.

Comedy Goddess said...

Jimmy Dean? Need you ask?

Comedy Goddess said...

Oscar Meyer makes a nice living. He'd be so generous. But you'd have one helluva MIL.

Comedy Goddess said...

Dinty Moore was always a little stupid.

Comedy Goddess said...

Famous Amos.

Who dat?

Comedy Goddess said...

Wattsamatta you fogetta 'bout your Aunt Celeste?
Mah, I gonna slappa you face.

Esmerelda said...

Velveeta frightens me. Seriously, I've had nightmares. And Little Debbie is a minion of the devil. Her snack cake from 1994 is still stuck on my inner thigh.